MEANT TO BE

Now and then, I will have a slow day at work.  On those days, I am available to help the other Social Workers or other staff.  We frequently receive phone calls from folks who have read our Web Page.  In addition, to a hospice, our agency also has a Palliative Care Program and an Adult Day Care Program.  

We got a call from a County Case Manager, who asked about some Advanced Directive forms.  Due to it being a slow day, I had time to deliver them to her.  She told the staff that I was coming and to just receive the forms.  When I walked in, the staff did not ask me for the forms, but did call the Case Manager’s office.  She wasn’t in her office, so then they called her on her cell phone.  She was across the street getting signatures on some paperwork.  She then asked if I could wait for her to come back to her office. 

I waited about ten minutes with a thought that I would leave in five more minutes as she may have gotten tied up with something.  I would then give the staff the forms before I left.  What happened then was so coincidental.  I do not believe in coincidences, as feel that they really are signs from above.  These moments deeply touch me as it was all meant to happen the way it did.  It is an affirmation, that none of us are ever alone from those here on Earth and from those on the other side.  Thank you for these precious times.

MEANT TO BE 

 

She is a county case manager.

She called to asked about some forms.

I had time to deliver them to her;

so took the thirty-minute drive North.

 

She was told I could leave right away,

but it took me a while to find the forms.

I left a bit later than she thought

and arrived when she wasn’t there.

 

She was working across the street.

She asked if I could wait to instruct her about the form.

It was a Durable Power of Attorney

which she needed for one of her clients.

 

She arrived ten minutes later

when she then directed me into her office.

Her phone rang moments later.

“It is my client.  I’ll be right back.”

 

She directed him inside while saying,

“He is the one who needs to complete this form”.

The timing was so perfectly set

as I was then able to instruct both of them.

 

I know we were meant to meet.

I was truly guided from above.

None of us are alone here on Earth.

We have support from others around us

as well as those from the other side.

 

It was so truly and spirituality

                    meant to be.

 

CHOICES

“John”, fifty-eight, was diagnosed with stomach cancer fifteen months ago.  He’s had chemotherapy and other treatments that did not work.  He has been in a slow decline to where now he spends most of his day in bed due to weakness.  Several months ago, he could no longer swallow and a feeding tube was inserted.   The feeding tube became blocked a month ago.  John’s doctor tried to unplug the tubing to no avail.  The only option left was to do nutrition through an IV. 

That worked for just a short while to where now John is becoming totally uncomfortable.  He has decided to stop the IV.  He denied any fears or concerns and is totally at peace about it all. 

John lives with his wife, “Mandy”, who strongly wants to support her husband, but is appropriately struggling with his decision as she knows his life will then be only a few weeks at most.  Mandy was appropriately tearful during the visit.  She spoke so beautifully about her and John’s marriage of thirty-seven years.  She shared how much John has always supported her.  In addition, she spoke of his beautiful character and strengths.  While she was sharing these amazing words about John, a thought came to me, that he too, was likely thinking the same about her.  

I wish them well.  I know John’s choice of stopping the nutrition will be a struggle for all, but hopefully Mandy may also find her peace like John has.

CHOICES

 

Life presents a lot of choices.

Do you want pizza, a burger or a BLT?

Should we fly or take the car?

We are always surrounded by so many options.

 

He was a professional poker player.

He said it is all about the bluff.

Should I fold or play this hand?

What is the best choice for me to do?

 

He’s had stomach cancer for just over a year.

Chemotherapy and treatment were to no avail.

His feeding tube no longer works

so, he’s getting daily nourishment by an IV.

 

He has tried the IV for nutrition for several weeks.

It is starting to make him feel ill.

There are no other options available.

Again, another life choice presents itself.

 

He is ready to let go; to stop the IV.

He is at peace about it all.

“The IV nutrition will extend my life,

but it will also extend my misery”.

 

His quality of life has been slowly disappearing.

He’s thought long and hard about it all.

He is comfortable about his decision.

He’s made his choice.

                    His final choice.

 

SO SAD

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit sixty-six year old, “Lindsey” to our hospice program.  Lindsey was diagnosed with brain cancer only one month ago. She had been totally healthy prior to this diagnosis.   Now, she is bedridden, weak, and sleeping most of the time.   Two days ago, Lindsey stopped eating or drinking.  She likely has only a short time left. 

Lindsey lives with her son and his family in the back house on several acres.  Her daughter lives in the front house.  Lindsey’s mother, “Lillian”, lives nearby.  This is a very close family.  They are all supportive to Lindsey and to each other. 

When the hospice nurse and I walked into the home, I saw Lillian standing in the kitchen.  The kitchen and living room of the home were designed as one large room.  She stood quietly without any movement, but all I saw was such sadness that surrounded her. 

 At the end of my visit, I was able to have a quiet moment with Lillian.  She was then able to share with me some of her deep emotions while attempting to find an explanation of why this was happening to her daughter.  There are no words or answers for any of us around these questions.  We are logical beings looking for logical answers; where there are none. 

This is a very loving family.  I hope Lillian can feel the love that also surrounds her, but then; sadness and grief are very powerful as well.  I wish her strength and peace.

SO SAD 

 

She is close to ninety years of age.

She is short and petite weighing so little;

but seeing her upon entering the home,

I saw a heavyhearted woman looking so sad.

 

Her daughter was just diagnosed one month ago.

She had been healthy, independent and strong;

but now is bedbound, weak; confused;

no longer eating or drinking much at all.

 

I spoke with them about hospice’s support;

while normalizing and validating their grief.

Her two children feel blessed that this is happening quickly;

“She won’t have to suffer much too long.”

 

I walked over to say goodbye to Mom.

While hugging her softly, I simply said, “I am so sorry.

I cannot even imagine your pain.

It is nothing she’s done; she is not being punished.

                    It is just such a staggering, random act.”

 

She told me about her husband who was a runner.

He always ate a nutritious diet; he lived a healthy life.

He spoke with her about the benefit of his choices;

while she so strongly followed her father’s lead.

 

“It should be me and not her.

I’ve lived my full life, but not she.

It is so out of order.

                    This is so not right.”

 

I gave her one last hug before I said goodbye;

wanting so much to take away some pain.

But the sadness still strongly engulfed her,

as I simply turned and quietly walked away.

 

 

 

WISE

“Gloria”, ninety-three, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease over eleven years ago.  Gloria lives with her son, “Dean”, on their three-acre ranch.  The town has about 150 residents.  The closest grocery store is forty minutes away.  There are no businesses in town at all.  The two directions out of town, are very curvy and narrow roads. 

The moment the nurse and I walked into their home; we immediately saw Gloria asleep in her hospital bed in the living room.  Dean was standing next to his mother holding her hand.  Dean shared that his mother has not eaten for two days and is only sipping small amounts of water.  The nurse and I knew she was imminent and likely had only hours to a few days to live.

 It was so clear how much Dean loved his mother.  He spoke simply and it was obvious that he could not grasp all that we said about hospice.  Dean looked at life very simply.  He was amazing as he saw just what he needed to see.  Fortunately, his friend, “Sally” was in the home as well.  Sally is amazing as she helps many of the town’s residents as a courtesy.  She spoke so lovingly about helping locals as she had such a passion for doing what she did.  Her plan was to stay with Dean for the next few days to support him. 

Dean touched me so strongly as he had such a deep and loving heart.  His father and two of his siblings have preceded them in death.  Dean had also been his father’s caregiver.  Dean, like Sally, received comfort caring for his mother. 

Gloria died early this morning, two days after our admission.  I called Dean and left a voice message offering condolences and support. I know Sally is there giving him compassion and love.  God bless you, Dean.

WISE

 

He’s been caring for his mother

for close to eleven years.

Recently though, so much has changed,

as lately she is declining more

                    each and every day.

 

She is now bedridden, confused,

no longer talking or eating much at all.

The time is likely near for her

to instinctively know when to naturally

                    just let go.

 

He has a learning disability

that has never slowed him down.

He confidently thinks things through

on a deep and knowledgeable manner.

 

He sees life on a simple level,

that helps clear out all the distractions.

He simply wants to care for his mom

the best way that he knows how.

 

Tears flowed quietly while he softly cried;

aware that her time is soon.

He embraces peace knowing she’ll be in Heaven

with his father as well as his two brothers.

 

The home will be so empty without her there.

He will miss her each and every day,

but what truly helps him cope is

watching old movies and comedic shows.

 

He understands nothing can bring her back,

Life is not that complicated as we all may believe,

but it’s the simple steps that give us peace.

                    Yes, he truly is all that wise.