SHOCKED

As part of our hospice support, upon a patient’s death, the Social Worker will call the family a day or so later to offer condolences and support.  I was asked to help out and made three condolence calls today.  With each patient, I go back and look at the Social Work admitting note that documents what family member to call.  

One of the calls I made was to a family member that I had met over a year ago as I did the hospice admission.  I vaguely remember this family.  I do so many admissions, it is hard to remember them all.  

What I heard from this family member totally shocked me.  Life, at times, feels like it can be so unfair.   Some folks seem to get more than their fair share.  Loss is so hard for all of us, but when things hit so close to each other, I cannot even imagine the pain. 

This is an amazing family and I have no doubt they will move on graciously.  The daughter was very interested in seeing one of our bereavement counselors as we follow up for 13 months as needed.  I am amazed at how beautifully they are handling their losses as their strong faith does give them comfort; which isn’t a shock, but something of beauty.

SHOCKED

 

It is so easy to think

that you have heard it all,

but then again, with just a little surprise,

you normally will hear something new.

 

I met them over a year ago;

a mother and her three kids.

Mom was needing more and more help,

so her daughter, Shawna, moved in.

 

Mom died peacefully four days ago

so, this morning I picked up the phone

to call Shawna and her family;

to offer condolences and give support.

 

When someone answered I asked for Shawna.

It was then when she told me the news.

“This is Susan, her sister.

Shawna died suddenly eight days ago.”

 

I didn’t know what to say; I was so shocked.

I could not find any appropriate words

so I simply just said,

“I am so sorry.  This has to be so rough”.

 

She then beautifully replied,

“Shawna came down to take Mama home.

We know they are both at peace.

                    That gives all of us comfort”.

 

I am amazed at how they are coping

as her words melted my heart.

The shock did stay with me for a while,

but I am all the more so happy

                    they are finding their peace.

 

AFTERLIFE

Working in hospice, I frequently am touched from above.  When I walk into a home, I immediately let go and allow my instincts to receive from above.  I had scheduled a social work admission visit today.  As I was reading the medical records, it was apparent that this patient was imminent and likely transitioning.  

The patient was eighty-four years old.  She had been diagnosed with liver cancer a few months ago.  She had been doing just fine until one week ago.  It was then she started to rapidly decline on a daily basis.  I met the patient’s three children.  We all walked into the bedroom where their mother was lying down and in a deep sleep and unresponsive.  The family had a very strong Baptist faith which gave all of them comfort and hope. 

The family all needed to talk and started to tell me wonderful stories about Mom.  She was a very giving, hard worker her entire life.  I shared that people die the way they live and their mother will surely do this her way.  

It was then I was guided from above to talk with them about how their mother will show them, in a way they will understand, that after she is gone, she is okay.  The children had already spoken with their mother about this while letting her know how it would help all of them.  I spoke about several experiences I have heard from other hospice families as well. 

This family’s spirituality and faith were so strong and also comforting to them.  It gave them peace hearing other stories about loved ones letting their family know that they are okay.  Their mother died peacefully the next day.  They all, for sure, will be sad, but have comfort in knowing that she is okay.  We all believe what is right for us; which, in turn, gives us amazing support.  May this family find peace.

AFTERLIFE

 

Mom was diagnosed just six months ago,

and had been doing quite well.

Then suddenly, in just one week, all has changed.

She is now imminent; in a deep sleep;

               her time is near.

 

The four of us met by her bedside.

They spoke openly about their grief.

“This is happening way too fast.

It makes it so hard to see her go!”

 

“Your mother will let you know,

in a way you will understand,

that she is okay and doing fine.

You will know that it is her;

               your heart will tell you so.”

 

I shared a few of my Hospice experiences

of stories that I have been told;

where patients have come back around

in a way that families truly know.

 

“I told Mom to come back as an owl;

while my brother requested a hawk.

My sister asked mom for a carnation;

as it’s my mother’s favorite flower.

 

“My sister walked onto her porch this morning

and was totally taken by surprise;

as lying in the middle of her porch

was a single pale pink carnation.”

 

“You have made afterlife a reality

by the stories you have shared.

You have helped all of us so greatly.

You have given us total peace”.

 

DEFINING SPIRITUALITY

Joseph, ninety-seven years old, was admitted to hospice several days ago.  I did a follow up phone call “visit” to educate the family about Social Work support.  I spoke with Joseph’s daughter, “Connie”.  Joseph suffers from lung cancer which has recently metastasized.  Joseph recently tried a new chemotherapy treatment, but the side affects were tremendous.  Joseph and his family chose hospice for comfort at home. 

When I asked Connie about her father’s spirituality, she shared his strong beliefs against any religion secondary to all the “man-made rules”.   He was raised Catholic and strongly informed his daughter that “God does not care if one eats meat on a Friday or misses Mass on a Sunday.  In the end, it is about how you live your life”. 

Connie, being a very strong Catholic, believes in the rules of the church.  She strongly felt that her father will not make it to heaven unless he accepts faith in his life.  She tried several times, all unsuccessful, to convince her father to believe what she believes.  She felt that once he dies from his cancer, she will never see him again.  

I felt the instinct to share my story about my out-of-body experience nine years ago.  It was an amazing, but very humbling experience, which brought up many questions such as, “What do I do with his experience?  What is it all about?”  I have come to strongly believe that I had that amazing experience to share with a patient or family member one person at a time.  Talking with Connie today so strongly supports that belief to me. 

I have faith that all of us believe what is right for us to believe; no matter what it is.  It gives one support and comfort as it helps us understand a bit as well as making some sense to us.  No one is able to; or should even try to, convince anyone else to believe what you believe as it such a powerful, individual belief.  Stay strong both of you; Joseph and Connie.  What will be; will likely and truly be.

DEFINING SPIRITUALITY 

 

Upon meeting hospice patients and families,

I share a lot of information about our program.

Along with asking numerous questions;

my favorite thing to ask is “What are your spirituality beliefs?”

 

Yes, religion is spiritual, but it is deeply so much more.

Atheism, creation and nature are strongly spiritual in kind.

Your spirituality is about your unanswered questions;

with hopes of what it may be; if anything at all.

 

He was raised a very strong Catholic

but resisted all the “man-made rules.”

“He’s kind of tough.

                    He’s a rebel with his faith.”

 

She’s a strong Catholic who lives by her devotion.

She’s tried to talk with her father about afterlife;

but he will have nothing to say about it at all.

She’s afraid that once he dies, she will never see him again.

 

I am often guided from above while doing hospice work.

I trust my inner voice; I trust my instinct;

so, from that intuition, I told her about my experience

                    of crossing over to the other side.

 

Bringing tears, I was so amazed by what she then told me,

“You have given me comfort.

I now know, when it is my time to go,

I will forever and always be

               with my father for eternity.”

 

“It is a beautiful story; an amazing story.

You have made a tremendous difference in my life.

‘Thank you so much for telling me.

                    I will never forget you!”

 

TWO WEEKS

We received a referral today to admit “Phil”, seventy, to hospice.  Phil had been totally independent and healthy until he heard two weeks ago, “You have pancreatic cancer that has spread”.  Phil has been married for almost fifty years to his wife, “Lisa”.  They have two children who live nearby and are very involved and supportive.   

Within these two weeks, Phil, who had been totally independent, started declining rapidly on a daily basis.  When we met Phil and his family today, he was bedridden, incontinent and totally dependent.  He is now confused and speaking only a few words at a time.  Family states he spends most of his days sleeping.  

Lisa had moments of crying as was, understandably, struggling with her husband’s rapid decline.  It was obvious to all that his time of death likely may be within hours or only a few days.  Lisa was very open and honest with her emotions and stress.  There are no rules on how to grieve or feel.  I tell families that whatever you are feeling, no matter what, is called “normal”.  I spent time with Lisa comforting her. 

Lisa and I were sitting at the dining room table so she could sign the admission paperwork.  As I stood up to leave, I asked Lisa if there is anything else I can do for her?”  She said “Yes” as she also stood up.  She then gave me a deep hug while crying.  As I walked to the front door, Lisa and I both stopped and gave each other two more hugs.  It brought me tears as is so validates me, as well, that I am where I need to be.  I felt that with Lisa and I both meeting, it was truly from above.  It was my honor to have met Lisa and her family.  

TWO WEEKS

 

It was just two weeks ago

that he was fully independent;

capable of doing what was needed;

                    totally living his life.

 

Suddenly, “It’s pancreatic cancer

which has spread to your liver; your bones!”

He has since been in a rapid, daily decline;

becoming weaker; sleeping all of the time.

 

He is no longer eating or drinking.

He is bedridden and becoming confused.

He chose to have comfort care; no treatment.

“I want to go home; to have my family around.”

 

Family is appropriately struggling to cope.

She was crying, “I don’t want to make a wrong decision”.

“He trusts you to follow his wishes as his health care agent.

You don’t make a decision; but deeply think,

                    What would he tell me to do?”

 

I offered support by validating her deep emotions.

She stated appreciation and thanks for hospice’s support.

As I got up to leave, I had one last question;

“Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?”

 

She answered “Yes” and gave me a huge hug.

Her daughter then stated, “Wow!  She never does that!”

I knew then that maybe I helped just a wee bit;

to give her strength to help her through the days ahead.

 

His swift, recent decline likely won’t slow down

as it is so apparent that his time is short.

For him, that may be the best way to go;

but his family may pray to God to give him at least

                    two more weeks of life.

 

GIVING THANKS

“Rose”, eighty-eight, had been living so independently until one month ago when she fell and hit her head.  Her daughter-in-law, “Jill” was told by the doctors that she may have suffered a stroke.  After a one- month skilled nursing facility stay, Rose is now home, bedridden and dependent with all of her needs.  Rose speaks using only a few words at a time.  When we mentioned “There is no place like home”; Rose nodded her head. 

I was so impressed by Jill as she is the primary caregiver for Rose.  Jill also cares for her 28-year- old son who suffers from Downs Syndrome.  Toward the end of our visit, Jill added that her husband was lying down in the back bedroom.  She then softly added, “He is dying from lung cancer”.  No matter what challenge, Jill turns to the positive side of life.  I was so amazed by her strength and upbeat personality.  

As I was leaving, she complimented and thanked me for my support.  It is so humbling as Jill gave me so much more than I gave her.  I truly get it back a thousandfold.  I am so blessed to do this work.     

GIVING THANKS

 

It was just six weeks ago

that she fell and hit her head.

She was so independent before the fall,

now helpless with all of her needs.

 

Her daughter-in-law told us her story;

“She’s lived in this same house her entire life,

and I lived right across the street.

I’ve known her son forever.

We’ve been married over thirty years.”

 

Sadly, two of the patient’s four sons have died;

but she’s continued to convincingly move on.

“She’s tough and strong.

                    She never complains”.

 

She and her family live with Mom.

She takes care of everyone there.

Her one son has Down’s Syndrome,

while her husband is disabled with lung disease.

 

She sees life in such a positive way;

in spite of all of these struggles.

She smiles and gently says, “I rely on God

with a strong support group of Church women”.

 

I so admired her strength;

her beautiful way of handling things.

As I was leaving, she heartfeltly said,

“You are so beautiful.

                    You’ve helped me so much”.

 

My reply, also so deeply from my heart,

“You have given me a thousandfold

of what little I have given you.

For all that you give; for all that you are;                                                      

I graciously, softly, and simply just say                                                                              

                    Thank you.”