WHO HE IS

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Josh”, fifty-five, to our hospice program.  Josh was diagnosed with cancer just two years ago.  It has now spread to his bones.  Josh has been married to his wife, “Tracy”, for over thirty years.  They have two sons who live nearby.  Josh is one of seven children.  Three of his siblings were at the bedside; along with Tracy and their two sons.  They all started to share Josh stories.  They proudly stated, “He is the Patriarch of the family”, while adding, “He always made everyone laugh.” 

The family brought out photographs to share with us while telling us stories about “the true Josh”.  In all of the photos, Josh looked so robust and handsome with an amazing smile.  They shared so many stories, while laughing at the antics that Josh had up his sleeve.  One so felt the love between all of them in the home. 

I often tell families, that their loved one’s disease is such a small portion of who they truly are.  Patients are so much more.  This family surely expressed that in such an amazing and beautiful way.  I hoped Josh heard our conversation as their stories so truly state what a wonderful man he is.

WHO HE IS

 

He has declined so quickly

in these past few weeks.

Where up and walking a month ago,

he is now totally bedridden.

 

He stopped eating yesterday;

while drinking no fluid at all.

He’s unresponsive most of the time.

The family is aware and gathering around.

 

His wife and sons are at the bedside;

as is his six siblings from afar.

Two live out of the country;

while the others many miles away.

 

We all stood around his bedside

so aware that his time is short.

They started telling us his life stories;

how he would always make everyone laugh.

 

They showed us dozens of photos

of family gatherings, weddings and trips.

With each photo they shared his stories

while pointing to him in healthier days.

 

What we first saw was an imminent patient

who likely only had days to live;

but hearing their amazing stories and love for him,

we truly saw a beautiful husband, father and family man.

 

They wanted us to see the person whom he truly is;

not the unhealthy man he has recently become.

They were so perfectly letting us know;

               “This is truly

                               who he is!”

 

HER LIFE

I went out to admit, “Randy”, fifty-nine years old, to our hospice program.  Randy has suffered from cardiac disease for many, many years.  He had to go on disability over ten years ago due to his health.  He and his wife, “Angela”, live on forty beautiful acres outside of town.   They have lived there for almost thirty years; the number of years they have been together. 

Randy and Angela have a son, “Scott”, who attends college in another state.  Due to his father’s recent and rapid decline, he has come home to stay for the duration.  He wants to be there to support both of his parents.

 When I walked into their home to do the admission, Randy was in a deep sleep.  Due to his pain, Angela was giving his medication on the hour.  He had stopped eating and drinking for several days.  I knew his time was short. 

Angela was so realistic regarding her husband’s status and prognosis.  She was very practical about it all.  She said that sitting out on their front porch was so spiritual for her.  It gave her comfort.  In addition, she has several friends who live nearby; along with other extended family.  She has tremendous support which I know will help her cope after his death. 

I called her this morning as I found out two days ago that he quietly died.  Her being realistic, I wasn’t surprised at how she was coping.  She spoke so naturally about her emotions along with explaining her husband’s death.  I know she will have some heartbreaking moments, but also will be blessed with some beautiful memories.  She knows she can call hospice for bereavement support as needed at any time.

HER LIFE

 

They live out in the country

on forty acres of agricultural land.

The ambiance of nature enhanced by

fruit trees, goats and even two llamas.

 

They have lived there for almost three decades;

the length of time they’ve been together.

She copes by sitting out on the wooden front porch,

while allowing nature to embrace her soul.

 

He’s been sick for half of those years;

but still able to do quite a bit.

She always knew she would likely outlive him,

while still not wanting to face that day.

 

Their son came home from college;

to emotionally support his mother and his dad.

When I asked her how long she has been married;

I was so surprised when she happily said, “Yesterday”.

 

I called today to offer condolences and support

as he died two days ago, shortly after my visit.

She shared, “I am doing okay,

               but I have my moments.”

 

“I am less anxious and stressed

as he is no longer suffering.

I also have a lot of relief

as he passed very peacefully.”

 

She’s thought about this day for many years

but the reality of it all is so powerful and strong.

“I guess now I am living alone in this ranch house.

This is the first day of

               My New Life.”

 

ALL ALONE

“John” was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease five years ago.  John lives with his wife, “Annie”, in a Residential Care Facility, which offers a lot of support with John’s care.  Annie said that in two days they will have been married sixty-nine years.  The couple have two sons who both live nearby.  Both of their sons are very involved and supportive.  

Annie also has three sisters living about half a mile away.  Her sons and sisters call frequently and are very supportive as the need arises.  This is a very large, supportive, involved and loving family.  Annie said that they moved into the facility about five months ago.  She already has made so many friends due to her bubbly personality.  Annie herself is ready to help anyone, but like most of us, finds it difficult to ask for help. 

Annie lovingly spoke about her three sisters.  One of her sisters became widowed about two years ago and offers a lot of support having experienced herself the loss of a spouse.  Annie and John are so blessed with their family and the facility’s support.  But, in the end, Annie is losing the love of her life.  Her grief, not surprisingly, is very powerful.  After sixty-nine years, it won’t be easy, but I so appreciate her insight regarding her emotions.  I know she will reach out as needed.  I wish her all of the best.

ALL ALONE 

 

She is the primary caregiver for her husband.

They’ve been married sixty-nine years.

He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago.

His decline is slow; but constant.

 

He is becoming increasingly weaker.

He can no longer walk alone.

They cut up his food into small pieces

as he struggles with swallowing at times.

 

They reside in an Assisted Living environment.

The staff help out with a lot of his care.

Both of their sons live nearby

and offer tremendous support.

 

She also has three sisters

who all live just down the road.

They call and visit all of the time.

She so values their help and comfort.

 

I asked her what helps her cope

when she hits a bump in the road.

She said she loves to do puzzles;

while so embracing her family and friends.

 

But then, she slowly turned inward

and with a soft voice quietly said,

“It’s not easy, as when I think of him dying,

I truly will be

               all alone.”