FEISTY

“Jessica”, who will be ninety-nine in six months, lives out in the country with four generations of family members.  The moment we walked into Jessica’s home, we were greeted by two dogs and several family members.  We walked upstairs to Jessica’s bedroom and found her sitting in her recliner. 

The moment we met her, she started to share life stories.  Jessica was proud of her life as she has always been able to do life her way.  She has three children who all live nearby and are very involved and supportive.  Jessica has been independent until a few months ago after a fall.  She has become weaker and now needing a walker to ambulate.  When she is using her walker, a family member needs to be nearby.  Jessica has fallen, without injury, several times recently. 

Jessica is very stubborn and, with an amazingly gruff voice, will tell you how she can manage any of her needs.  Jessica spoke about working as a store greeter until she was ninety-five.  She said she was fired because of her age.  

Jessica’s speech was harsh and strong, but one could see her caring heart in spite of her wanting to hide it.  How she phrased things was so darling that it would make me laugh.  She got the biggest kick out of me laughing as she would then laugh herself.  

I so believe that one of the hardest things for anyone is to lose their independence.  Jessica is a prime example that age does not factor into it.  When it happens, it is challenging for most of us.  Good luck Jessica.  May you continue to safely travel your way.

FEISTY

 

She is ninety-eight and a half years old.

She has always loved to be in charge.

Her health problems have been minimal

allowing her to live a full and active life.

 

She now has lung and heart problems,

which she prefers to totally downplay.

She lives with numerous family members,

who all struggle with her fighting for control.

 

When I asked her, “What is the secret to a long life?”

She abruptly stated, with a deep, gruff voice,

“There’s no secret about it at all.

               It just happens.”

 

I then asked her about any spiritual beliefs.

Again, sharply, with her crusty voice,

“I went to church once or twice.

When we leave here, there is nothing more!”

 

She spoke joyfully about her work history.

She was a greeter at a local department store.

“I was working there until I was ninety-five.

Then they fired me because of my age!”

 

She so clearly knows what she wants.

She will express it to anyone around.

Her feisty personality has no barriers,

as she works so hard to remain in control.

 

She softly embraced my heart and soul.

She worked so hard to be tough and in charge,

but really all she wanted was to simply

and understandably live her life precisely,

                just her way.

 

BOTH

I did two hospice admissions back-to-back today.  I didn’t realize the many coincidences between the two families until I returned back to the office and started my documentation.  It triggered me to think about both families and how similar their lives were.  What was wonderful was that their coincidences were all positive attributes.  

Both families were struggling appropriately as their loved ones were in a decline and needing more help.  Both wives worried about how they could care for their husband as his needs increased.  Fortunately, both families have the funds to hire private caregivers as needed.  

I was honored to have met both of these families.  Their love and support for each other, along with their strong spirituality, I know, will help them as their loved one’s disease progresses.  Both families appreciated hospice support knowing that they can call at any time for help.  God bless all of them.

BOTH

 

A coincidence is defined by Webster as

“A striking occurrence of two

or more events at one time

apparently by mere chance.”

 

I truly don’t believe in coincidences.

To me, they are genuinely signs from above.

We are meant to take notice;

to learn; to grow; to enlighten.

 

I did two admissions today.

Both were elderly men with dementia.

They lived in the same town

about two miles away from each other.

 

Both men were near ninety years old.

Each has been in a recent decline;

becoming weaker, sleeping more

while needing much more help and support.

 

Both were UC Davis college professors.

Their intellect being their biggest loss.

Both had one son and two daughters;

with only one child living nearby.

 

Both were Jewish and attended

the same synagogue in town.

The rabbi has visited both homes

as their faith helps them cope most of all.

 

I have never met either family before, but

in the first home, the wife asked the same thing

as the daughter did in the second home.

“I think I know you?  Have we met?”

 

Two families coping as best as they could

with a strong faith and a loving family.

Both guided strongly from above.

It doesn’t get any better than that.

 

 

SPIRITUALITY

We received a hospice referral for “Reggie”, age seventy-seven.  Reggie was diagnosed with a brain tumor only two years ago.  He underwent many tests and treatments; although to no avail.  Reggie had been in a slow decline, but these past two weeks, his decline has been much more rapid.  He is no longer talking much as struggles with his communication.  He may speak one or two words only.  His tumor is growing and impacting his ability to understand. 

Reggie lives with his wife, “Amber”, in a beautiful home along the river.  Reggie’s brother opened the front door after my knock.  We walked into a large living room.  Reggie’s brother called out for Amber as she was upstairs.  The moment Amber walked into the living room; I had a strong sense that I have known her all along.  She later shared that she felt the same way. 

Amber was realistic regarding Reggie’s decline and prognosis.  She easily verbalized her emotions and thoughts.  So sadly, Amber’s daughter was diagnosed with the same cancer three days after Reggie’s initial diagnosis.  With sadness, Amber embraced her strong spirituality beliefs.  Amber spoke of several other recent, additional losses with family members and friends. 

Amber will reach out as needed as I know her spirituality will guide her along.  I hope fate will allow the two of us to meet again.   She had such an amazing spirit.

SPIRITUALITY

 

He was diagnosed only two years ago.

All treatments were to no avail.

In just these past two weeks,

his decline has sped up so much more.

 

The moment I saw her walking into the room,

I knew our paths have crossed before.

We connected so easily; so normally.

Like we’ve known each other all along.

 

She has suffered from many recent losses.

What helps her cope; what gets her through,

is her strong belief in spirituality.

It naturally guides her throughout each day.

 

We spoke at length about spirituality

in such a natural, instinctive way.

We effortlessly spoke the same language

as our communication just flowed.

 

She is naturally grieving all of her losses,

but I know she will find her way.

She’ll reach out to her family; her friends;

while embracing her strongest support;

               her sanctity;

                              her spirituality.

 

HER MOTHER'S WISHES

 The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Carolyn”, eighty-two, to hospice.  Carolyn was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease only seven years ago.  In addition, she was on insulin for diabetes.  Carolyn lived with her only child, her daughter, “Rebecca”.  Rebecca worked out of the home and had been caring for her mother alone until recently.  Carolyn has had a steep decline these past few weeks.  Rebecca has hired twenty-four-hour attendant care.  

The moment the hospice nurse and I walked into their home, Rebecca took us into a back bedroom where she brought out her mother’s Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care.  It clearly stated, “If I ever get dementia or Alzheimer’s, stop my insulin.”  Rebecca wanted to show us what her mother’s wishes were.    

She loved her mother dearly and struggled with following her mother’s wishes.  I told her that I would worry more, if she didn’t struggle with it at all.  Rebecca wanted reassurance that she was supporting her mother in the correct way.  I stated that her mother trusted that she would follow her wishes by appointing her the health care agent. 

 

Rebecca shed many appropriate tears during our visit.  We spoke about the process involved with following her mother’s wishes.  No one ever wants a loved one to die, but more strongly, we do not want them to suffer.  It is Rebecca’s love for her mother that is allowing her to follow her wishes.   It is not giving up, it is letting go.  

HER MOTHER’S WISHES 

 

 

It’s just been her and her mother 

after her father was no longer around. 

Mom had a brilliant and educated mind 

working as a college professor in town. 

 

She showed us their enormous bookcase 

with more than a hundred books on the shelves. 

“My mom has read those and so many more. 

Reading was something she so dearly loved.” 

 

Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease 

only seven years ago this month. 

“She was doing okay at first, 

but now she’s in a rapid decline.” 

 

“My total focus is all about my mom 

as I am her agent for her health care wishes. 

She wrote if she ever got dementia; 

stop my insulin.  I cannot live that way.” 

 

She wants to follow her mother’s wishes, 

although it is the hardest thing for her to do. 

She doesn’t want her mother to suffer, 

although her instinct says to not let her go. 

 

Her powerful love for her mother is guiding her, 

to stop the insulin; to let her go, to say goodbye. 

It is, absolutely one of the hardest tasks for her to do, 

but it is not that complicated as her mother was clear. 

 

“I wrote it all down so simply. 

You will truly know what to do. 

I cannot live with dementia and diabetes. 

It’s time for me to let go, my dearest daughter. 

               It’s time to say goodbye.