STRAIGHT FACED

“John” turned ninety-two four months ago.  John was widowed and lived alone in a small house with his dog, “Molly”.   He had two daughters, “Kelly” and “Laura”.  Both daughters lived nearby and helped their dad as much as he would let them.  John was very independent and strongly wanted to do things his way.  

He had been very strong and independent most all of his life until this past year.  A few health issues arose, but he was determined to continue to do his life his way while living alone with Molly.  When I asked John and his daughters about long term planning, they had no answer.  There may come a time when John can no longer live alone.  John had always been independent that likely it was hard for his daughters to even think it could be any other way. 

John had the straightest face during the entire visit; whether serious or using his humor.  His doctor made a referral to hospice as well as to our Palliative Care Program.  John met the criteria for Palliative Care as he had minimal lung disease and swelling in his legs that needed some treatment.  John so strongly wanted hospice as there is much more care available as hospice patients so need it. 

John would be serious and then suddenly shift gears making all of us laugh.  His face remained the same no matter what we were discussing.  He was so practical and knew exactly what he wanted.  

When I asked John about his spiritual beliefs, he said he had no beliefs of any afterlife.  That is when he left us with his great parting words.  I wish him the best.

STRAIGHT FACED 

 

Living past ninety years of age,

he’s been healthy most of his life.

This past year though,

a few medical issues have arisen. 

 

He no longer can ambulate

due to swelling in his legs;

but is determined and strong

using his wheelchair to easily get around.

 

He wanted to be admitted to hospice,

but he was too healthy to qualify.

He straight-faced strongly asked,

“Why can’t I just get that help?”

 

He was direct and practical;

intensely letting us know what he wanted.

But then, he also had a great sense of humor

that would make all of us laugh.

 

Being serious or comical,

his temperament always remained the same.

His straight face expressed his truth,

be it funny or true to his basic wishes.

 

Straight faced at the end of our visit,

he left us with a few words

leaving all of us laughing.

No one straight faced at all;

 

“You are dead a long time.

               When you die, you are D-E-D.”

 

  

THUMBS UP

We admitted “Glenn”, sixty-two, to our hospice today.  He was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS) only five months ago.  He was walking one month ago, but now, due to a rapid decline, is wheelchair bound.  Glenn has become so much weaker with some paralysis.  Glenn lives with his wife, “Kelly”, who so lovingly dotes on him.  

Glenn is no longer able to talk.  He uses a computer screen to type his thoughts.  Glenn had the most beautiful smile while using humor to cope.  We would continually see him smile as we laughed.  It gave him such pleasure. 

Glenn has so accepted his fate.  He has a strong Christian faith which helps him cope.  He had no fears about dying.  When asking Glenn questions, he would type a response and then give us a thumbs up making sure we knew he was saying “Yes”. 

His words were so beautiful and powerful.  I felt he knew all of the answers about life.  At one point toward the end of our visit, I leaned down to Glenn and said to him, with grateful tears in my eyes, “You are wise beyond your years.  I will never forget you.”  

I so believe life here on Earth is our school.  We are all students at times while also being, at other times, teachers.  Glenn so strongly and beautifully is a very wise teacher to us all.

THUMBS UP

 

He was diagnosed only five months ago;

now in a recent one-month decline.

Early sixties with Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

               So cruel; so unfair.

 

He was in his recliner when we walked in.

No longer able to talk; he types on a screen.

He greeted us with the most beautiful smile

while giving us a thumbs up to come on in.

 

He is so realistic and accepting of his status.

“My life style determines my death style.

Life happens and then it doesn’t.”

Giving us another thumbs up that “It is all okay”.

 

He has a law degree from a nearby university,

but worked as a social work case manager

in the county nearby where he lives.

“I miss my clients.  It was a privilege.”

 

His typed words, also, so easily expressed his humor.

We would slowly read as he typed;

and then he’d show us his amazing smile.

So pleased that he made us all giggle.

 

He chose humor again to make me laugh

when I asked him about what helps him cope.

He again showed us his beautiful smile while typing,

               “I love Metallica and porn”.

 

It was I, who then, while laughing,

               gave him an indebted

                              thumbs up.

 

 

 

STEREOTYPE

Hospice received a referral this morning for “Rusty”, fifty-eight years of age.  Prior to driving to his home, I had the opportunity to read his past medical history.  He has abused drugs and alcohol for decades.  Without much effort, an image gently plants itself into my brain of what I likely may find meeting with Rusty. 

I drove to his home in an industrial part of town.  His home was one of three tightly tucked near a large trucking company next door.  My thoughts started to soften quickly when I read the door matt near the front door.  It had me laughing out loud.  The matt looked like it had been there for many, many winters.  It said, “Come back with a warrant”.  I loved it. 

Rusty’s wife, Kimmy, welcomed me so kindly into their home.  We walked into the bedroom to say hello to Rusty and his son, “Shawn”.  Both men were covered in tattoos.  Drug abuse and tattoos can set up false images of who Rusty, Kimmy and Shawn truly were. 

I immediately fell in love with this family.  Rusty immediately stated that he wants to be told the truth.  His doctor told him one day ago about hospice.  Randy asked his doctor, “Am I dying?”  No one can truly answer that question as five people can have the same diagnosis and will have five different journeys. 

Rusty, along with his wife and son, were so appreciative of our support and visit.  They all used humor to cope and spoke about the good in their life.  It is a perfect example of how some people have to learn their lessons a harder way than most, but the important part is that they all did learn.  Grace to all of them.

STEREOTYPE

 

We received a hospice referral today.

Liver cancer which now has spread.

He’s been through chemotherapy and radiation.

There is nothing more that can be done.

 

Reading his medical record tells a long story;

living his life the only way he knew.

He has a history of illegal drug and alcohol abuse

spanning over way to many years.

 

Their home is located in an industrial area.

Semis and big rigs come and go routinely.

I had a vague idea of what I may encounter

before I walked through their front door.

 

His wife gently welcomed me in.

He, like his son, were covered in tattoos.

My expectations steered me in one direction,

but his love, his family, his heart

corrected me to where I needed to go.

 

He wanted to be told the truth, asking

“How much longer will I live?”

I responded, “There is no one who can tell you;

but we will support you to do this your way.”

 

He denied any fears or concerns;

having no regrets or unfinished business.

His strong Lutheran faith gives him strength.

He is ready to go when it is his time.

 

We all have subtle expectations regarding stereotypes.

He did not follow any of those rules.

His strength is being true to who he is;

while accepting himself and others alike.

 

His stereotype is now so clear to me;

giving and receiving unconditional love.

“I am looking forward to seeing my mom again.

               I’ve had a good time.”