CHOCOLATE

“Steve” just turned seventy-seven one week ago.  Steve is single and never married.  His only family is his niece, “Holly”.  Steve was separated from his family at birth.  Holly found him eight years ago.  Since that time, the two have been so close.  Steve’s health has been a challenge at times, but Holly has been faithfully by his side. 

Steve rents a bedroom in a rooming house.  There are five tenants living with him.  All have some special health needs and are limited in how much they are able to help each other.  Steve has been in a recent decline these past few months.  He walks with a walker while mostly staying in his room.  

We went out two days ago to admit him to hospice as Steve stopped his dialysis three days prior.  Holly met us there with her white paper bag full of chocolate for Uncle Steve.  It was such a pleasure seeing the joy on his face as he enjoyed eating the candy.  Steve had taken a fall earlier in the day and told us that he thinks he broke a toe.  When the nurse looked at his foot, it was hugely swollen.  

We encouraged Holly to call 911 to get his foot examined.  Due to the pain and it being so swollen, Steve was not able to walk at all.  It was not safe for Steve to remain in his rooming home.  We found out this morning that Holly did call an ambulance to examine her uncle’s foot. In addition, she also told the hospital staff that he wasn’t safe to return home.  Steve was admitted for nursing home placement.  We received a phone call from Holly today, letting us know that Uncle Steve died this morning.  We all knew he likely only had a week or two, but were still surprised. 

My first thought was about his niece Holly and how her love, comfort and chocolate gave Uncle Steve profound love and support.  Unconditional love is the greatest gift of all.

CHOCOLATE

 

He was separated from his family at birth.

He has been a loner; living mostly by himself;

until his niece found him eight years ago.

They’ve had a close relationship ever since.

 

We met him just two days ago.

He is living in a boarding home.

His niece visits him routinely.

Her focus is to help; to take care of him.

 

He recently stopped his dialysis

knowing he needs it to live.

He is done; he wants no more,

“I am so tired of all of this”.

 

He smiled at his niece while asking,

“Did you bring me any chocolate?”

She handed him a bag filled with his favorites:

               Babe Ruth and Hershey’s.

 

He started to eat them with such pleasure;

leaving just a few in the bag for later.

Each bar gave him such comfort.

His face reflecting a remarkable glow.

 

It is indeed the small things that are profound.

We need each grain of sand to make a beach;

each drop of water to create an amazing waterfall;

each bar of chocolate to give incredible delight.

 

She gave her uncle unconditional love;

just by being there and loving him.

In addition, she also gave him the greatest gift

in such a small, beautiful, white paper bag,

               Chocolate!!!

TWO DAYS

The hospice nurse and I went out to do two hospice admissions today.  Both men lived out in the country about an hour drive from our office.  Coincidently they lived about 10 miles from each other and were born two days apart. 

We met with “Dave” and his family first.  Dave was diagnosed with liver cancer just three months ago.  He lives with his wife and three young children.  He has had three chemotherapy treatments with no affect.  Dave was hospitalized a few days ago secondary to an infection.  Yesterday Dave and his wife were told by Dave’s Oncologist that the chemotherapy has not worked and there is no other treatment available.  He recommended that Dave discharge home with hospice support. 

When the nurse and I walked into Dave’s home, he was sitting in a recliner chair in the family room.  He was so weak that his wife had to help him adjust in the seat.  Dave speaks in such a quiet tone with some slurring that he is very hard to understand; although he strongly stated he wants a second opinion.  His wife has already called two other large medical groups for that purpose. 

I told Dave and his wife that he has to do things his way.  Hospice does not come in and demand specific rules.  We support patients and families their way.  I added that he does not want any regrets of “I should have, I would have…..” 

“Nick”, on the other hand was diagnosed at age five with a childhood muscle disease.  Nine years ago, he was put on a ventilator and a feeding tube.  He has been bedridden for many years.  He too, has been in a recent decline to where he is weaker, needing more suctioning.  Nick’s mother is very attentive to Nick.  Due to his recent decline, she is checking him a bit more throughout each day.  With those additional checks, Nick will ask his Mom, “Why are you checking me again?”  

I so believe that each of them truly aware of the reality deep inside.  I also so believe that it must be the most difficult thing for anyone to face.  I wish both of them peace and comfort. 

TWO DAYS

 

He was born on a Tuesday;

while he was born on that Thursday.

Coincidently, just two days later;

same week; same month; same year.

 

Their childhood years were so different.

One would not ever think

that their lives now would be so parallel;

with each man facing similar life struggles.

 

He was diagnosed at age five

with a rare childhood muscle disease.

He has a feeding tube; a ventilator.

He is so weak, he is bedridden.

 

He, on the other hand, was diagnosed

just three months ago with cancer.

He has been in such a rapid decline;

now needing help with all of his needs.

 

Both want to live; want to survive.

Mom has cared for him all of his life.

“When he becomes unresponsive;

then we will know it is time to let him go.”

 

His doctors have told him no more treatment.

The chemotherapy is no longer working.

He wants a second opinion, hoping for a cure.

“I am too young for this to be how it ends.”

 

Both men with a loving, caring family.

Both men not ready to say goodbye.

I don’t blame either of them

as they are only thirty-nine.

 

KINDRED SPIRIT

We admitted, “Bonnie,” sixty-seven to our hospice program today.   Bonnie suffers from lung disease and has been in slow decline these past several months.  She took a fall one week ago which has left her weak and only able to walk a few steps at a time.  She spends most of her time now in bed.  In addition, she also has no appetite as gets extremely nauseas. 

The hospice nurse and I met Bonnie, her sister, “Heather” and daughter, “Jillian”, in Bonnie’s bedroom.   As I was explaining our hospice program, Bonnie resisted as felt she didn’t need all of the support.  So understandably, Bonnie is struggling with her recent decline.  As Bonnie resisted, I tried so kindly to validate her feelings while explaining our support; adding how it will additionally also help her daughter and sister. 

The moment I walked into Bonnie’s room and met Heather and Jillian, I had this strong inner feeling that I have known Heather for always.  I felt an easy connection with her.  Everything I said, she so strongly understood and agreed.  We were so on the same wave length.  

At the end of the visit, as I was walking out, I went up to Heather to thank her for having us in to admit her sister onto hospice.  I praised how she and her niece, Jillian, were managing the care for Bonnie.  It was then Heather said to me, “I have known you for a very long time.  Our lives have crossed before.” 

It was then she shared that she has had two out-of-body experiences.  I added that I too have had an out-of-body experience six years ago.  Heather then said, “That may be where we always meet.”  That made so much sense to me because here on Earth, we now and then meet a soul mate.  Why not it be that way on the other side as well.  As I turned to walk out the front door, Heather’s final words to me were, “We will meet again.”  I so strongly believe that as well. 

KINDRED SPIRIT

 

They said her condo

was in a residential block

down a long driveway

behind a large Victorian home.

 

The moment I turned into the driveway,

I knew I had been there before.

They said that I met them four years ago

when their mother was on our hospice.

 

Her eldest daughter now, was lying in bed.

Her lung disease taking its toll.

Mom’s younger daughter sat nearby,

expressing words of love and care.

 

She sat so elegantly beside the bed.

I immediately felt I have known her from before;

that we had a long history together.

But then, I also knew, this can’t be true.

 

As I was explaining our program

and giving the much-needed support,

she totally understood and strongly agreed.

She and I were on the same wave length

as she totally instinctively knew, everything I said.

 

As I was leaving, I walked up to her to say goodbye.

It was then she said, “I have known you for a long time.

Our paths have crossed before.”

She used the exact words that I was thinking.

 

She spoke about two out-of-body experiences.

I shared that I have had one too.

“It is there, where we are together.

Where we both are meant to be.”

 

I know we will meet up again

as our spiritual beings

will always flow the same energy.

                            We are kindred spirits.

 

 

 

AVE KAYLA

“Kayla” called our hospice office wanting to arrange a home visit in order to learn about hospice support.  Kayla lives with her parents and her younger sister in a very large two-story home.  Kayla was diagnosed with diabetes when she was twelve.  It was at that time when she started to require insulin as well.  

Two years ago, Kayla’s kidneys failed and she needed dialysis.  She has been on home dialysis since that time.  Kayla has always followed her doctor’s orders and advice, but still her health continued to be impacted.  In the past two years, she has had two amputations leaving her in constant pain which is wearing her down.  Two months ago, when her doctor recommended one more amputation, she knew then, she wanted no more. 

She has totally accepted her life and her health challenges.  She knows it is close to her time to let go.  She has been talking with her parents and her two siblings in such a clear and realistic way.  She is able to so clearly express her truth and emotions.  She has no regrets or anger.  “It is what it is.  God will take me when it is my perfect time.”   She wants to live to be able to attend her nephew’s fifth birthday in two weeks.  The following day, she plans on stopping her dialysis; knowing then her life will be shortened to only a few weeks at most. 

She has this clear understanding about life and about death and is able to so naturally talk about it.  She speaks in such a soft, gentle voice.  It was so beautiful.  I know that I met a saint today; so full of God’s grace.   She is at peace as she embraces love, family and faith.

AVE KAYLA

 

Because she’s been on insulin for so many years,

it’s normal for her to monitor her health.

Two years ago, she started dialysis.

Her kidneys were no longer functioning.

 

She is so authentic regarding her health.

She recognizes life as so real.

She’ll thoroughly think about the options;

then chooses what is best for her.

 

Because of kidney failure, she’s had two amputations.

Two months ago, the doctor said, “One more.”

It was then she truly knew what to do;

“I will know when to stop dialysis.”

 

She is in so much pain; it never goes away.

She is also needing so much more help.

“Pain pills give me brain fog.

Food no longer tastes good at all.”

 

“I am done; I am not sad.

I have many happy moments.

I’m ready for it all to be over.

         I am at peace.”

 

She wants her family to understand

as she explains her reasons why.

She is unquestionably wise beyond her years.

         Amazingly, she is only forty-five.

 

I know from deep in my heart

that I truly met a saint today.

A pure spirit; a gracious soul.

         Ave Kayla