REMAIN SAFE

We admitted, "Ted", sixty-seven, today to hospice. Ted was diagnosed with lung cancer late last year. They treated him with chemotherapy, but still the cancer spread to his bones. Ted's biggest complaint was pain issues. He felt relieved when I informed him that hospice's number one priority is pain control and "they are very good at it." I added that over my career I have made hundreds of condolence calls after the death and I hear approximately from 85-90% of families, "It was peaceful."

Ted has lived next door to his mother for years, but today he moved into her home in order for his care needs to be addressed. Mom, eighty-seven, has full time caregivers that now can help both mother and son.

During the admission, Ted sat on the couch while mom sat at an angle next to him in her wheelchair. All four of Ted's children were there offering support. While the nurse and I were educating them about hospice supports, one could see the anguish and grief on Mom's face. She would continually pat Ted's knee as that is what she could reach. At times, she would try to pat his hand, but often he wasn't looking at her as was listening to us, and she couldn't reach her hand that far.

It just broke my heart as here she was the loving Mom who so instinctively wanted to take care of her son; to keep him forever safe. She saw that as her life’s priority and goal. It is now her family that has that priority and goal; to keep Grandma safe.


REMAIN SAFE

She always wanted to be a mom.
That was the primary goal in her life.
She raised her three sons so gently;
they, never forgetting, they all were loved.

She never missed a chance to hug them.
Her soothing hand giving them a soft pat.
But she had house rules they needed to follow.
She taught them love with guidance;
         wanting them to always remain safe.

In a few years now, she will be ninety.
Her health has been in a slow decline.
She is wheelchair bound and weaker
needing assistance with all of her needs.

The family all live within an hour away.
They visit her as much as they can.
They have hired full time care for her
making sure she will always remain safe.

Her eldest son now has terminal cancer.
We admitted him to hospice today.
She sat sadly right next to him,
while keeping her hand softly on his knee.

"My other two sons have already died.
Why is this continuing to happen?
It is so unfair; so cruel, but then,
they are in heaven watching over me."

She was hurting from grief so deep inside.
Her expression strongly exhibiting emotional pain;
when she turned to her son and softly said;
         "Don't go, please. Not yet."