HER TIME

We admitted “Martha” to our hospice program today. Martha suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease and needs continual help and support. Two years ago, she was moved into a Memory Care Unit of a large Residential Care Facility. Martha has been in a recent decline to where she is eating less, becoming weaker and getting a bit more confused.

I met Martha’s son, “Bill”, outside of the facility near the front entrance. Due to the COVID-19 virus, no visitors are allowed. Only the hospice nurse was able to enter the building to assess the patient.

Bill was so gentle and kind. One could see his large, caring heart. He lived nearby and was very involved in his mother’s care and needs. Due to the virus, he has not been able to visit her for three months. He has seen her a few times using Face Time. Bill shared many stories about his mother and her strong nature to always be in charge and have things done her way. When he shared these moments, his tone was very soft and matter of fact.

You know he loves her, but he, too, is getting tired. It is a challenge for him with her “feisty” and stubborn personality. When I asked him how he is coping with it all, he took out his wallet and showed me photos of his grandchildren. One he especially admired was the photo of his four month old grandson. He was so proud to share those pictures.

Due to his mother’s dementia, he has been slowly losing her over several years. The mother he knew and loved is no longer fully there. I know he grieves that loss. His mother’s primary focus now is to be in charge, which causes him frustration. He knows that she likely is not fully embracing her life as well.

I always have said that I want to die the day before I become independent. This is a prime example of why I feel so strongly that way. My heart goes out to you Bill. I wish you well.


HER TIME　

She turned 100 years old last Fall.
A milestone most of us will never see.
She has a very strong personality
and has always done things her way.

She lives in a Memory Care Unit
which gives twenty-four hour support,
but she'll refuse medication or help
wanting to always be the one in charge.

He lives nearby and does what he can,
but gets so frustrated with her stubbornness.
Trying to explain reasons why to her,
makes her obstinate all the more.

She is trying to control her life; her time.
“Mom has always been that way.
You have to just go along to have peace.
I know some things will never change.”

When I asked how he was coping;
to my surprise he gently said;
“I always try to do my best,
but I never thought she would live this long.
It is definitely her time to go.
          It is her time.”