PURE LOVE

Prior to admitting, "Barbara", sixty-eight, to our hospice program, we heard from the patient's medical staff that Barbara's daughter, "Jennie", was having a hard time dealing with her mother's recent changes in physical condition and current status.

I went out with the hospice nurse to do the admission. Jennie answered the door and the three of us spoke for about fifteen minutes standing in the entryway. Jennie was tearful and grabbed tissues to wipe away her tears. Jennie spoke so lovingly about her mother. It has just been the two of them supporting each other for years.

Barbara's status rapidly changed about ten days ago. She has become so much weaker. In addition, she has stopped walking and eating. Her speech is garbled while speaking only a few words at a time. It appeared to the nurse and I that Barbara had such a strong personality which she was holding on for as long as she could.

Because Barbara has been so inactive for a week and a half, she started getting some bed sores. Jennie blamed herself that those sores were not healing. She so strongly wanted to fix all that was wrong. I normalized and validated her emotions and grief. I told her that she is doing all the right things and is giving her mother the most perfect and beautiful gift of all; her pure love. The best gift any mother would lovingly cherish.

Jennie touched my heart so deeply. When I asked Jennie about what helps her cope, she quickly answered, "I talk to my Mom". God bless you Jennie. Your mom taught you all about pure, unconditional love.

ADDENDUM: Barbara died two days later. I spoke with Jennie today to check in with her to see how she is coping. Jennie stated that, "I was shocked when it happened, although I knew it was going to happen one day. I have been grieving a long time for my mom. Hours before she died, I spoke with my mom about how I will live my life after she is gone. I told her, I am going to get a puppy." Jennie was able to laugh and share stories about her mom. She stated appreciation on how much support hospice was for her. She was receptive to follow up with our Hospice Bereavement Department for support as well. I wish her all the best.


PURE LOVE　

She continues to be on my mind.
I can't stop thinking about her.
About her pain; her loss;
her denial; her pure love.

It's been just her with her mom
for more than thirty plus years.
There is no other family;
          just the two of them.

Mom was diagnosed ten years ago,
but for all those years has been doing fine.
Her daughter saw that mom needed a bit of help
so moved in with her several years ago.

All has changed these past ten days.
Mom is no longer walking; no longer eating.
She spends her days asleep in her recliner.
She is imminent with likely only days.

"Mom has always been so strong.
She'll get better and start eating again
as she always has before.
          I know she will!"

The daughter was tearful throughout our visit;
blaming herself for not being able to fix things.
Walking away several times, with tissues in hand,
checking on how Mom was doing.

Denial is helping her cope in baby steps.
She may not believe until all is over.
Her only support then,
          will be hospice.

We will reach out and I hope
she so willingly will receive
          our pure love.