TO LET GO

We met "Samantha" and her husband, "Jimmy" three days ago. Samantha had recently started dialysis as had been in a recent two month slow decline. Samantha has had multiple medical problems through most of her adult life. In her early twenties, she received radiation for treatment which impacted her health greatly.

Samantha worked with infants and babies. She lit up when talking about her work. It was her passion; her love. Samantha had a strong desire to travel the world. She and Jimmy retired early in order to have time to travel. Both of them knew that, at any time, Samantha's health could easily limit their adventures.

Samantha was interested in hospice. The hospice nurse and I met Samantha and Jimmy three days ago to educate them on our program. Medicare has strict criteria regarding if a patient is eligible for hospice. Hospice is a comfort care, palliative care program; not curative. Dialysis is considered curative by Medicare.

Samantha had dialysis the day after we met. It was then she knew she wanted hospice and not dialysis. She was aware that when patients stop dialysis treatment they may have only days to a few weeks to live. Per her husband, Samantha was ready "to let go."

Three days later, this morning, the nurse and I went back to admit Samantha to hospice. I was shocked at how much she declined in such a short period of time. She was weak three days ago, but vital in her words and mannerisms. Today she was in a deep sleep in her bed. She was very hard to arouse. She appeared imminent.

Jimmy was so aware, but was a bit torn, as did not want his wife to die, but he loved her with all of his heart to be able to let her go. Blessings to both of you.

ADDENDUM: Samantha died peacefully five days later with her family at her bedside. Speaking with Jimmy afterwards, he stated, "She did it all her way. It was her time "to just let go."


TO LET GO　

She only just started dialysis
to curb her recent decline.
She's a fighter; she's tough,
doing what she needs to do.

She's been sick for decades.
She's had many "up and down" days.
Always aware that her life could be cut short,
she's lived each day to the fullest.

She's followed her dreams.
She's embraced each day.
Working at a job she loves;
traveling all over the world.

We met her three days ago.
She spoke extensively about her life.
Her recent decline is a strong reminder
that it may be close for her to let go.

The next day, she chose to stop dialysis
knowing she may have a few weeks at most.
We returned to admit her to hospice today.
She is imminent; barely breathing.

She was in a deep sleep while he did the paperwork.
With tears he shared, "I will cry, but have a lot of support."
It's hard, but he knows she is doing things her way.
          "She chose her time
                   to just let go."
　 

I'M GRIEVING

It was just about two months ago that I learned that a close family member was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease . Due to the medical findings, he likely has only a year or two to live. His attitude is amazing as he has accepted it without ever feeling sorry for himself. The way he is handling things does make it a bit easier for the rest of us.

In the midst of all of this, I have heard from multiple friends about one of their family or friends also having a challenging diagnosis. I want to say the right words to comfort them. But, in the end, there really is no right words to say. My goal is to fix things and make it better, but that is an impossible task for anyone.

I have had so many moments of feeling strong grief. There is a part of me that feels I should be able to handle it so much better than I am due to my knowledge about it all. But, then, I am human like all the rest of us. So often, it is much harder to forgive oneself than others.

Intellectually I know, that in the end, it is who is in your life; who is there for you. It is not words or hugs, but the powerful gift of love. Life, in spite of us all, it not that complicated. Embrace each moment and all of those around you . Blessedly, I am emotionally learning, that is all that any of us truly need.


I'M GRIEVING　

I have been a grief counselor for years.
I am so familiar with grief''s "up and down" journey.
Whatever one feels, is called normal.
I then guide them to process it their own way.

I understand, I validate, I normalize.
Letting one know it is okay
to go wherever grief leads you.
There is no right or wrong way to go.

Now I am grieving a loved one in my life.
I feel it should be easy as I know all about sorrow. 
I should be able to effectively handle whatever comes.
What I am learning most about it all is;
          "I am not!"

I am mostly doing fine and managing okay.
My life is wonderful and all feels normal.
Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, grief is back.
No warning; being taken by surprise.

These last few months have been hard.
So many of my friends are grieving too.
I want to help them; to ease their pain,
but something inside of me is missing a beat.

In the end, I truly know;
it is not the words, but the heart.
It is not the gestures, but the love.
Love is what strongly embraces us all.

Sadness; grief; sorrow;
          no matter what;
                   love always
                            graciously remains.

STAY POSITIVE

Ninety-eight year old, "Beatrice", had been fairly independent until her recent hospitalization for shortness of breath. Beatrice was then diagnosed with lung cancer. She chose not to follow up with any treatment. She was discharged home from the hospital today with a hospice referral.

The hospice nurse and I went out to meet Beatrice and her daughter, "Kathy". The two of them live together. Kathy has retired and available to care for her mother. Beatrice had been fairly independent prior to this hospitalization. She is now on oxygen and extremely weak. Being ninety-eight, one knows she is tough and a fighter.

Beatrice had a great sense of humor and had us laughing so hard. She did not think she was that funny, but I assured her that she definitely made me laugh so hard. She spoke of the many losses she suffered over her lifetime and how her positive attitude helped her cope with it all.

She was able to talk about those losses in such a loving way. She accepted all the good and all the bad in her life with the thought, “That is life.” With a smile on her face, she spoke about how she taught her four children to always have a positive attitude. Even without those words, her behavior taught them by her actions.

She is an amazing mother and such an amazing person. What a wonderful attitude she has about life and all of its up and down drama. I am honored to have met her.


STAY POSITIVE　

She had us laughing
from the moment we walked in.
Her humor was clever
matching her positive attitude.

I asked her about her longevity,
"What is the secret to becoming 98?"
She quickly corrected my by saying,
"I am ninety-eight and a half!"

She spoke about the death of her husband,
from Alzheimer's Disease over thirty years ago.
Then her eldest son only four months ago
          after a long battle with cancer.

I asked her, "How do you cope with it all?"
Her answer came straight from her heart,
"It is life. Nothing more."
Then quietly adding, "It was their time to go."

She spoke about her upbeat attitude
and how it optimistically guides her life.
"I taught my children to always stay positive.
          It is the only way to be."

Whether she lives to be one hundred,
or only ninety-eight and a half,
I know she will so naturally stay positive
while her amazing smile
          will continue to brighten
                   each of her days
                            forevermore. 
 

STORY TELLER

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit “Johnny” to our Palliative Care program. Johnny lives alone in a Residential Care Facility. He is so healthy for one his age. Johnny will be one hundred and two in one week. He is totally alert and oriented and able to manage all of his needs.

Johnny pointed us to chairs gathered around his recliner. He then sat down and immediately started to share life stories. Johnny had a lot of them. All were so fascinating and interesting. He is a walking history book. He was so happy to be able to share his stories, not realizing how amazing each one was. He remembered so much detail. I was in awe by him.

He had a great sense of humor and portrayed his stories that same way. He had me laughing so hard. It was wonderful. When we were ready to leave, I felt a bit disappointed that I wouldn’t be seeing him again. Hmmm, maybe I can find a way to go back.


STORY TELLER　

The moment we walked in,
he started to share life stories.
His face lit up as he spoke,
so happy to have a listening audience.

When he was ten years old,
he shook Calvin Coolidge's hand.
He was motioned to a car in World War II.
Sitting inside and wanting to talk was JFK.

He was a veterinarian by trade.
He taught at the university near by.
He showed us a letter from Albert Schweitzer,
thanking him for caring for his dog.

He has traveled all over the world,
sharing fabulous stories about each site.
China, Japan, Chile, Australia.
Each with its own unique, extraordinary story.

He will be one hundred and two next week.
He invited me to his one hundred and third.
When asked, “What is your secret to a long life?”
While laughing, he answered; “You just continue to breath.”

His life reflections come so naturally to him;
not aware of how extraordinary or special at all.
I know he will continue to share all of them;
likely while celebrating his one hundred and third.

          Story Teller Extraordinaire.