The hospice nurse and I went out to admit “Jake” to our hospice program. Two months ago, Jake was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to other parts of his body. Jake went through treatment but his decline continued.
Jake is married to his wife and has four children. One of his sons lives nearby; but his three other children, grandchildren and great grandchildren live all over the world. When the nurse and I walked into Jake’s home, there were about fifteen people around. It felt very chaotic and noisy, but only after a few moments one felt surrounded by their beautiful love.
Jake had been hospitalized due to his cancer and was being discharged home by ambulance. Jake arrived a few moments after we walked into his home. Jake had a huge smile on his face as was so pleased to be home. He had tremendous weakness and was totally dependent, but was so happy to be around his loving family.
Four days after our admission visit, Jake peacefully died at 4AM with his family at the bedside. I spoke with Jake’s wife, “Emily”, who shared the story about Jake’s birthday party and how it gave all of the family tremendous peace and comfort.
This is another example of how patient’s choose when it is their time to let go. It always gives family much comfort to know that the patient did things his or her way. Thank you Jake. You will be missed but know that your family's love will continue on forever.
BIRTHDAY PARTY
He was only diagnosed two months ago
and his decline has been swift.
He is now so weak and short of breath;
no longer able to walk around.
His spirit remains positive.
He embraces the goodness in his life.
His large and wonderful family
remain lovingly by his side.
It was his 80th birthday on Monday.
They threw a big party in his home.
Family from around the world came by
to celebrate his birthday in style.
He slept through most of the day
although did awake as family and friends came by.
He personally had a few moments with each;
expressing his appreciation; his final "Goodbye."
You know he held on to celebrate his birthday;
to personally reach out to all of them;
as in the wee hours of Tuesday morning
he peacefully and quietly let go.
It gives the family some comfort.
It gives the family some peace
knowing he had a great 80th birthday party.
But then, he too was preparing them
to lovingly say their final
"Goodbye."
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Sunday, January 20, 2019
HIS HUMOR
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit "Tony", ninety-six to our hospice program today. Tony suffers from Alzheimer's Disease and is very confused. Tony lives with his son, "Jerry", who is his caregiver.
All four of us sat in the living room to explain our program and assess Tony's needs. Tony is totally dependent with all of his Activities of Daily Living. He needs help with dressing, bathing, eating etc. Tony had worked as a director at the local university. One could see how intelligent he was by the way he was trying to figure out what was being said around him. The words he used reflected his intelligence. It has to be so difficult for him to be somewhat aware of his limitations. Tony used humor to cope.
I was impressed by Tony's humor. He was really funny and witty in a loving, sarcastic way. Tony would laugh so easily which made me laugh. When seeing me laugh, it would make Tony laugh even more. It was one special way he could still connect with another human being.
Tony gave the hospice nurse and I the gift of laughter. By receiving that gift, we were also able to return the gift of laughter to Tony. Thank you Tony for sharing your wonderful humor,.
HIS HUMOR
He has lost so much
of his independence.
His ability to walk;
his self care; his memory.
He needs total assistance
with all of his needs.
He struggles with word finding;
trying so hard to understand.
He pretends he knows what you are saying,
using his humor to lighten the load.
He can't and won't answer you directly,
but will laugh as he answers in a humorous way.
He got a big kick out of making me laugh
as his sense of humor was amazing.
You could return the tease so easily
as he would then laugh all over again.
The nurse was asking him questions
about pain; about anxiety; about appetite.
When she asked, "Are you depressed?"
He laughed and said, "Yes. You are still here."
Later as we got up to leave,
he had one final question to ask us.
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, because we are about to leave."
We left he and his family laughing so hard
as we walked out through their front door.
It is sad about all of his losses,
but one special gift he still holds onto is
his wonderful sense of humor.
All four of us sat in the living room to explain our program and assess Tony's needs. Tony is totally dependent with all of his Activities of Daily Living. He needs help with dressing, bathing, eating etc. Tony had worked as a director at the local university. One could see how intelligent he was by the way he was trying to figure out what was being said around him. The words he used reflected his intelligence. It has to be so difficult for him to be somewhat aware of his limitations. Tony used humor to cope.
I was impressed by Tony's humor. He was really funny and witty in a loving, sarcastic way. Tony would laugh so easily which made me laugh. When seeing me laugh, it would make Tony laugh even more. It was one special way he could still connect with another human being.
Tony gave the hospice nurse and I the gift of laughter. By receiving that gift, we were also able to return the gift of laughter to Tony. Thank you Tony for sharing your wonderful humor,.
HIS HUMOR
He has lost so much
of his independence.
His ability to walk;
his self care; his memory.
He needs total assistance
with all of his needs.
He struggles with word finding;
trying so hard to understand.
He pretends he knows what you are saying,
using his humor to lighten the load.
He can't and won't answer you directly,
but will laugh as he answers in a humorous way.
He got a big kick out of making me laugh
as his sense of humor was amazing.
You could return the tease so easily
as he would then laugh all over again.
The nurse was asking him questions
about pain; about anxiety; about appetite.
When she asked, "Are you depressed?"
He laughed and said, "Yes. You are still here."
Later as we got up to leave,
he had one final question to ask us.
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, because we are about to leave."
We left he and his family laughing so hard
as we walked out through their front door.
It is sad about all of his losses,
but one special gift he still holds onto is
his wonderful sense of humor.
Sunday, January 13, 2019
I KNOW
I meet so many amazing people in my hospice work. Now and then, I will meet someone with whom I instantly can relate. "Gladys", ninety-five, suffers from cardiac disease. She is independent with the majority of her needs. Two of her children live nearby and are very supportive and attentive to her needs.
Gloria has five generations of family living locally. Gloria bragged about her two young great-great-grandsons. Between sharing her life stories, Gloria would have me laughing so hard. She had a great sense of humor.
Gloria was realistic regarding her recent, slow decline. She was keenly aware of her needs and did not hesitate to utilize the support of her loving family. She spoke openly about her life today and her end of life wishes. She had no fears or concerns. Whom I saw today, was naturally who she has been her entire life. Real; accepting; embracing and funny.
She is such a prime example of how we all cope in life so individually. She was real and accepted her life as it truly was; embracing the love that surrounds her. Her thoughts about life and death made so much sense to me. Meeting Gloria today made me think that my end of life may not be much different than hers. If I do struggle a bit, I hope to think about Gloria to give me the needed strength. Thank you Gloria for all that you have given me today. I am truly blessed to have met you.
I KNOW
She's had a good, long life.
She embraces all that she has.
Five generations of family;
many still living nearby.
After ninety plus years,
her health is starting to decline.
She is needing a bit more help,
although still can manage alone.
She is as sharp as they come.
She is aware of her increasing needs.
She is realistic and understands
using witty humor to get her by.
If you ask her about any fears,
she will convincingly deny.
"I am looking forward to going.
"It is now my time."
She'll easily smile while sharing her thoughts.
These are her truths; her wishes.
"I don't want to get old.
I don't want to outlive my life."
Our age is based on years we have lived;
although being old or young, is how we feel inside.
It is a mind-set; attitude about life experiences.
I so understood her words; her outlook on life.
I see myself, at the end of my time here,
feeling and acting much the same as she.
It is my truth; my perception about life.
I believe; I know,
I so truly know.
Gloria has five generations of family living locally. Gloria bragged about her two young great-great-grandsons. Between sharing her life stories, Gloria would have me laughing so hard. She had a great sense of humor.
Gloria was realistic regarding her recent, slow decline. She was keenly aware of her needs and did not hesitate to utilize the support of her loving family. She spoke openly about her life today and her end of life wishes. She had no fears or concerns. Whom I saw today, was naturally who she has been her entire life. Real; accepting; embracing and funny.
She is such a prime example of how we all cope in life so individually. She was real and accepted her life as it truly was; embracing the love that surrounds her. Her thoughts about life and death made so much sense to me. Meeting Gloria today made me think that my end of life may not be much different than hers. If I do struggle a bit, I hope to think about Gloria to give me the needed strength. Thank you Gloria for all that you have given me today. I am truly blessed to have met you.
I KNOW
She's had a good, long life.
She embraces all that she has.
Five generations of family;
many still living nearby.
After ninety plus years,
her health is starting to decline.
She is needing a bit more help,
although still can manage alone.
She is as sharp as they come.
She is aware of her increasing needs.
She is realistic and understands
using witty humor to get her by.
If you ask her about any fears,
she will convincingly deny.
"I am looking forward to going.
"It is now my time."
She'll easily smile while sharing her thoughts.
These are her truths; her wishes.
"I don't want to get old.
I don't want to outlive my life."
Our age is based on years we have lived;
although being old or young, is how we feel inside.
It is a mind-set; attitude about life experiences.
I so understood her words; her outlook on life.
I see myself, at the end of my time here,
feeling and acting much the same as she.
It is my truth; my perception about life.
I believe; I know,
I so truly know.
Saturday, January 5, 2019
HIS HEART
"Donny", sixty-three, has been in a nursing home for one month because of cardiac disease. His doctor made a hospice referral as Donny's symptoms are becoming worse. His main symptoms are weakness, shortness of breath and nausea. Donny's friend, "Andy" was sitting at the bedside when the hospice nurse and I walked into his room.
Donny said that he has known Andy for over forty years; quickly adding, "He is my family". Donny knew why his doctor made a referral because of that recent decline. Donny said that he knows all about hospice support as his father and brother were both on the program.
Donny has a strong Christian faith with a belief in God and the afterlife. Donny has no fears or concerns about his terminal status and poor prognosis. He has had visions of his brother which gives him comfort. Donny gets tremendous support from his spiritual beliefs and his wonderful family support.
Donny spoke honestly about his past life; his addictions; his depression; his suicide attempts. Donny thought his suicide attempts were unsuccessful as it wasn't his time to go. He added that he won't ever try it again because of the experience of meeting up with his deceased brother two years ago. It was at that time that his brother told Donny that it was not his time to go.
Even though Donny's past was challenging; his heart and love shine through loud and clear. That truly is what clearly defines him. By him being able to give so much love throughout his life; in between those other rough times; is now paying off for him. He is surrounded by tremendous love that he so naturally gives to others. His family and friend being by his side says a lot about them, but then it also says a lot about Donny. I feel honored to have met him today. I wish him a loving, gentle journey.
HIS HEART
He greets us with a wide smile,
although he's had a rough life.
Some by poor choices;
many others not.
Somehow it can be easy
to make judgments knowing his past.
Drug abuse, alcohol addiction
and mental illness too.
He was honest and direct
about all that he has done.
His suicide attempts, his homelessness.
He held nothing back.
He knows all about hospice
as his family has used that support.
He has no fears; no concerns.
His Christian beliefs give him hope.
His two children are by his side.
He best friend of forty years is too.
He's made a lot of loving connections.
You know he's done a lot that's right.
His appearance is rough and tough,
although is surrounded by a coating of love.
I immediately saw his tender heart,
the truth about who he really is.
He's made many mistakes,
but truly, who of us have not.
His love is embracing; his heart is huge.
And that is what clearly describes him
most of all.
Donny said that he has known Andy for over forty years; quickly adding, "He is my family". Donny knew why his doctor made a referral because of that recent decline. Donny said that he knows all about hospice support as his father and brother were both on the program.
Donny has a strong Christian faith with a belief in God and the afterlife. Donny has no fears or concerns about his terminal status and poor prognosis. He has had visions of his brother which gives him comfort. Donny gets tremendous support from his spiritual beliefs and his wonderful family support.
Donny spoke honestly about his past life; his addictions; his depression; his suicide attempts. Donny thought his suicide attempts were unsuccessful as it wasn't his time to go. He added that he won't ever try it again because of the experience of meeting up with his deceased brother two years ago. It was at that time that his brother told Donny that it was not his time to go.
Even though Donny's past was challenging; his heart and love shine through loud and clear. That truly is what clearly defines him. By him being able to give so much love throughout his life; in between those other rough times; is now paying off for him. He is surrounded by tremendous love that he so naturally gives to others. His family and friend being by his side says a lot about them, but then it also says a lot about Donny. I feel honored to have met him today. I wish him a loving, gentle journey.
HIS HEART
He greets us with a wide smile,
although he's had a rough life.
Some by poor choices;
many others not.
Somehow it can be easy
to make judgments knowing his past.
Drug abuse, alcohol addiction
and mental illness too.
He was honest and direct
about all that he has done.
His suicide attempts, his homelessness.
He held nothing back.
He knows all about hospice
as his family has used that support.
He has no fears; no concerns.
His Christian beliefs give him hope.
His two children are by his side.
He best friend of forty years is too.
He's made a lot of loving connections.
You know he's done a lot that's right.
His appearance is rough and tough,
although is surrounded by a coating of love.
I immediately saw his tender heart,
the truth about who he really is.
He's made many mistakes,
but truly, who of us have not.
His love is embracing; his heart is huge.
And that is what clearly describes him
most of all.
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