MORE SAD

We admitted, “Johnny”, sixty years old, to our hospice program today. Johnny lives in a filthy Room and Board Home. Johnny had been homeless, so this home to him, is a much better place to be.

The hospice nurse and I met up with Johnny and his case manager, “Joshua”. Joshua works for an agency which is so supportive to Johnny. Joshua visits often and helps Johnny manage what comes his way.

Johnny was very unkempt himself, but seemed comfortable in his environment. He looked up to his case manager as knew how much Joshua helped him. Johnny didn’t seem to mind being admitted to hospice. Johnny didn’t look ahead, but focused on his current needs.

Johnny was a good guy, but struggled so with managing his day to day basic needs. Johnny suffered from throat cancer and struggled with swallowing. He loved chocolate milkshakes and anything sweet. There are no treatment options for Johnny. His terminal prognosis was grim.

The hospice nurse and I wanted to help him so much, but felt helpless. Hopefully, along with Joshua, hospice support can be beneficial to Johnny. He is a strong reminder to me that there are some things worse than a terminal diagnosis; Mental Illness. It makes me question, “Why do so many of us have so much more than others to deal with on a daily basis?” There just is no answer and that is what makes me even more sad.


MORE SAD　

I have had moments of sadness
while doing this amazing hospice work.
It comes with the territory at times,
but, what helps, is that love

somehow always prevails.
What helps folks through difficult times
is the love that comes around.
Be it through family, through close friends

or a strong faith that allows them peace.
He, on the other hand, has no close friends.
His family is staying away.
Through no fault of his own,
he has burned so many bridges.

He lives in a room and board setting;
          as filthy as can be.
It is cluttered with a strong odor
with rodents scurrying around.

His throat cancer is now terminal.
No more treatment to be done.
He will need nursing home placement soon,
but he just doesn't want to leave.

His heart is gentle; he's doing his best.
He's trying so hard to survive.
But what makes me so much sadder;
is not his terminal cancer,
but his mental illness; his schizophrenia.

I have no answer,
but he is a powerful reminder to me
of how I feel so strongly that;
          Life, at times, seems so unfair.