A THOUSAND FOLD

The hospice nurse and I admitted, "Christine", to our hospice program today. Christine was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. She underwent chemotherapy, but the side affects were disabling. She chose to stop all treatment as wanted quality of life, not quantity.

Christine lives with her son, "Matthew", who is her primary caregiver. She has a daughter living nearby who is also an active part in her mother's life. This is a very loving and caring family.

Christine has a strong Christian faith, but has some appropriate fears about dying. She knows she is going to a better place, but is not yet ready to go. We spoke about end-of-life support and the importance of having an Advanced Directive for Health Care and a POLST, (Physician's Order for Life Sustaining Treatment). I gently spoke of the importance of both of these legal documents. Christine allowed me to help her with the POLST. She stated she did not want any extraordinary treatment. Christine wasn't yet ready to talk about her Advanced Directive or funeral plans. I know with our hospice staff slowly guiding her and giving her the needed support, she likely will complete both tasks, when she is ready to do so.

When I returned to the office after this admission, I was asked to deliver some supplies to another patient, "Carol", whom I initially met three days ago.. When I walked into the home, everything flowed so beautifully. I strongly felt I was meant to be there. Carol's daughter felt it too as when she walked me to the front door as I was leaving she stated, "You were meant to be here today." I so strongly felt it too. Hospice work is so spiritual to me. It is what guides me and gives me such warmth.

Hospice work is my life's passion. It is the spiritual guidance from above that fills my heart a thousand fold.


A THOUSAND FOLD

We sat down in her bedroom.
We told her about hospice support.
"There is no right or wrong way to do things.
We want to help you; your way."

She just learned her cancer is growing.
No further treatment to be had.
She has fears, "God may heal me."
But then; "Heaven is there for us all."

I validated her fears; I normalized her emotions.
Wanting to give her the much needed support.
She totally surprised me when she said;
"You are so wise. This is your gift.
          Keep doing what you are doing."

I first met her three days ago.
Her cancer has spread to her brain.
She understands clearly, but it's garbled at times.
She tries so hard to figure things out.

She couldn't admit any weakness.
She felt she had to be strong.
"I am fine. I can handle this.
Everything is going to be okay."

I spoke about grief's roller coaster ride.
Emotions are up and then down; right and then left.
I said it is wonderful how you are feeling,
but it is not a weakness if emotions crash down.

Her daughter said I was meant to be there today.
I spiritually felt the same way.
Guided by sacred beings.
Blessings received;
          A Thousand Fold.

　



　

　

　

　

　

　

　 

ROUTINE

Yesterday, the hospice nurse and I admitted, “Betty”, to our hospice program. We met Betty and her two daughters, “Jeannine” and “Beverly” in the dining room of Betty’s home. Betty had been living alone until the past several months when her daughters moved in with her to share caring for her.

Jeannine shared that her mother is confused most of the time. Betty wasn’t quite sure why we were there. Betty’s husband died eight years ago. Sadly, in addition, her son passed away five years ago. Unfortunately, Betty became tearful when speaking about her husband and son. Her grief was strong, as due to her confusion, she thought both died only a few months ago.

The daughters shared that mom had moments of anger about her grief. Additionally, she also had strong frustrations over her limitations. During our visit, Betty had some moments of clarity. During one of those moments, she apologized to her daughters for being angry. Betty shared how she felt it was wrong.

Similarly, we admitted, “Joe”, a few days prior. Joe was only in his fifties and had liver cancer. Due to retention of fluids, it so limited him in his mobility to maneuver around his home. Joe was determined to remain as independent as able, and did move around, although slowly.

Joe, too had tremendous challenges, but his primary focus was on his wife and how she would be after he was gone. We told him about hospice’s bereavement follow up for thirteen months afterwards. Joe felt comfort in knowing that.

Both of these cases demonstrated what we, as hospice workers, see so frequently. Respect and admiration flows from our hearts when witnessing such devotion. It is so humbling and such an honor to observe such love.


ROUTINE　

Meeting so many people,
one would think we'd see routine.
Normal emotions, common reactions;
typical behaviors while coping.

I am continually awestruck
on the love we see around.
Looking out for their loved ones,
even though their struggle is intense.

He was diagnosed several years ago,
but his decline has been swift.
He struggles to walk around,
but is determined to keep moving.

His primary focus is about his wife.
He worries about her after he is gone.
He has no fears or concerns about himself.
It is naturally all about her.

I would understand if he were angry.
I would also understand if he were afraid,
but my emotions are of admiration and respect.
He is demonstrating pure, unconditional love.

His actions are what we typically experience.
While he is concerned and caring for her,
she is just as much worried about him.
The more one gives, the more one receives.

I am so honored to witness such love.
It is what keeps me coming back every day.
Maybe it is routine,
          after all.