Peggie, my friend of eleven years, died peacefully this morning. She was diagnosed ten years ago of cervical cancer. She fought hard and long throughout each step of the way. Peggie never complained. She always had such a positive attitude. She would always ask about how others were doing. The focus was never on how hard things were for her.
Peggie's husband, Ellis, was totally devoted to her. It was a beautiful relationship, full of love and playful teasing. Peggie was hospitalized two weeks ago. My husband and I went over to visit her in the hospital. I was shocked when I stepped into her room and saw her. She was so weak and appeared to be in such pain. Her voice was so soft and low, I had trouble hearing what she was saying. It just broke my heart.
Seeing Peggie in so much distress, left my heart so heavy. The vision of her suffering implanted so solidly in my thoughts. I wanted to fix it and make her pain go away. Throughout her hospitalization, and subsequent transfer to a nursing home three days ago, my husband and I kept in close contact with Ellis, wanting to support him as well.
My husband and I saw Peggie last night at the nursing home. She was in a deep sleep and looked so relaxed, pain free and beautiful. The moment I saw her so restful, I felt instant peace myself. I strongly felt she was ready to let go. Her oncologist told me a week ago that Peggie was at peace about it all. After hearing from Ellis that Peggie died this morning, it did leave me sad, but also happy for her as she was in a better place now and flying high.
Peggie and Ellis reside in a mobile home park near the hospice where I work. One of our hospice nurses admitted a patient today. She came back to the office and asked if anyone had time to deliver some supplies to the family. I volunteered and noticed that they lived in the same mobile home park of Peggie and Ellis. I drove by Ellis's place, but his car was not in the parking unit telling me that he wasn't home, or I would have made a visit.
Thirty minutes later, I was back in the office and helping a supervisor with a project. She asked me to grab three patient charts. One of the charts was, again, in Peggie and Ellis's mobile home park.
I truly believe Peggie was making sure that I knew how important it will be for my husband and I to make sure Ellis is okay. Again she is caring about others. It wouldn't surprise me that Peggie made sure I saw her at peace in the nursing home the day before she died. Her gift to me was also peace. That is who Peggie was. She, continuing to do things her way forevermore.
HER WAY
She was diagnosed ten years ago.
She fought her disease long and hard.
Chemo; illness; then more chemo.
She was a fighter; she never gave up.
Her end came swiftly.
It caught us all off guard.
Seeing her so weak; suffering in pain.
Heaviness; sadness engulfing my heart.
Transferred to a nursing home.
Comfort care treatment was all that was left.
Seeing her so peaceful; so beautiful.
Calmness and relief now embracing my soul.
She let go early this morning.
I know it was her time to go.
She spoke to me two times this afternoon.
Guiding me to keep supporting him.
She was tough; she was so strong.
Always, while diligently caring for others.
Even after she is gone;
she still is doing things;
Her Way.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Saturday, March 17, 2018
RIGHT NOW
"Betty", eighty years old, suffered from cardiac disease. She was only diagnosed two months ago. She has had several Emergency Room visits due to pain and shortness of breath. Betty had always known what she wanted in life. She was very involved in her community helping others doing charity work.
Betty was from such a small, but very loving family. Betty told her family yesterday that she was ready to go "Right now". Her children shared many stories about the strength of their mother. How she always knew what she wanted and how easily she achieved those goals.
Patients typically are aware of their status and poor prognosis. Patients frequently will get to the point of letting go. Betty's decline was so rapid. Her family was processing their emotions during our two hour visit. They all were torn as did not want her to die, but did want her to have peace.
Betty knew more than anyone that her time was near when yesterday she said she was ready to go. She gave her family one day to come to terms with the reality of her no longer being physically around. The family strongly believed that Betty will forever be around in their hearts.
RIGHT NOW
We rushed out to her home
for an urgent admission.
She was declining oh so fast.
No food nor water.
It won't be long.
She was talking this morning.
Now in a deep sleep.
Yesterday, she said "I am done.
I am ready to go right now".
Family rallying, although not quite ready.
They don't want her to suffer.
They wish her only peace, but,
"This is happening way too fast!"
She was actively dying while we were there.
We prepared the family as best we could.
They asked direct questions, wanting the truth.
"It could be hours to only a few days."
She had been such a strong woman.
Admired by all; her family; her community.
Five minutes after I left, she got her wish.
She was allowed to let go.
Right then; right now.
Betty was from such a small, but very loving family. Betty told her family yesterday that she was ready to go "Right now". Her children shared many stories about the strength of their mother. How she always knew what she wanted and how easily she achieved those goals.
Patients typically are aware of their status and poor prognosis. Patients frequently will get to the point of letting go. Betty's decline was so rapid. Her family was processing their emotions during our two hour visit. They all were torn as did not want her to die, but did want her to have peace.
Betty knew more than anyone that her time was near when yesterday she said she was ready to go. She gave her family one day to come to terms with the reality of her no longer being physically around. The family strongly believed that Betty will forever be around in their hearts.
RIGHT NOW
We rushed out to her home
for an urgent admission.
She was declining oh so fast.
No food nor water.
It won't be long.
She was talking this morning.
Now in a deep sleep.
Yesterday, she said "I am done.
I am ready to go right now".
Family rallying, although not quite ready.
They don't want her to suffer.
They wish her only peace, but,
"This is happening way too fast!"
She was actively dying while we were there.
We prepared the family as best we could.
They asked direct questions, wanting the truth.
"It could be hours to only a few days."
She had been such a strong woman.
Admired by all; her family; her community.
Five minutes after I left, she got her wish.
She was allowed to let go.
Right then; right now.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
HIS LEGACY
I met "Marco" and his family today. Marco had been gifted with good health his entire life. Being ninety-eight years old, he had been living independently and alone until three weeks ago. It was then that the symptoms of his cancer started to flare up leaving him weak with no appetite. It looks as if Marco may have just a few days to live.
Marco has been widowed for ten years. He has six children who all, fortunately, live nearby. The moment I walked into the home, I felt their tremendous love. Multiple family members were present. All wanting to share their father's/grandfather's stories.
By his words and loving behavior, Marco gave his family unconditional love. It was so amazing. Marco's grandson, " James", who was in his early forties, started telling me all about his grandfather. While sharing these beautiful stories, he started to tear up. The tears started flowing so heavily that he turned and fell into my arms and just sobbed. I was so impressed that he was able to express his sadness. I also felt so honored that he felt safe with me to do so.
The family will continue to teach and share love with each other as Marco taught them all so well. They are all such a prime example of giving and receiving the amazing gift of pure, unconditional love.
HIS LEGACY
He's been the patriarch of the family.
Five generations in all.
Managing all of his needs alone
for close to ninety-nine years.
All of that has recently changed.
His disease has taken a toll.
Bedridden, no longer eating.
Not much time left at all.
His family is gathering around.
Sharing his stories so we will know
how he showered them with love.
Teaching them all about the goodness in life.
Many appropriate tears did flow
while telling us those tales.
They all embraced each other with love.
He impeccably taught them well.
His legacy will continue long after he is gone.
This family has learned, by his words and behavior,
to continue to teach the next generation
all about genuine,
unconditional,
Pure Love.
Marco has been widowed for ten years. He has six children who all, fortunately, live nearby. The moment I walked into the home, I felt their tremendous love. Multiple family members were present. All wanting to share their father's/grandfather's stories.
By his words and loving behavior, Marco gave his family unconditional love. It was so amazing. Marco's grandson, " James", who was in his early forties, started telling me all about his grandfather. While sharing these beautiful stories, he started to tear up. The tears started flowing so heavily that he turned and fell into my arms and just sobbed. I was so impressed that he was able to express his sadness. I also felt so honored that he felt safe with me to do so.
The family will continue to teach and share love with each other as Marco taught them all so well. They are all such a prime example of giving and receiving the amazing gift of pure, unconditional love.
HIS LEGACY
He's been the patriarch of the family.
Five generations in all.
Managing all of his needs alone
for close to ninety-nine years.
All of that has recently changed.
His disease has taken a toll.
Bedridden, no longer eating.
Not much time left at all.
His family is gathering around.
Sharing his stories so we will know
how he showered them with love.
Teaching them all about the goodness in life.
Many appropriate tears did flow
while telling us those tales.
They all embraced each other with love.
He impeccably taught them well.
His legacy will continue long after he is gone.
This family has learned, by his words and behavior,
to continue to teach the next generation
all about genuine,
unconditional,
Pure Love.
Sunday, March 4, 2018
DETERMINATION
I had met "Johnnie" only two times. Three months ago I went out to meet with Johnnie and his wife, "Grace", to give information about our Hospice program. Johnnie was a very young eighty-seven year old. He wasn't ready for hospice, but wanted to know what our program was all about.
Johnnie owned a nearby retail store. Johnnie's son worked there full time. Every noon hour, Johnnie went over to the store to give his son a lunch break. Johnnie appeared so weak at the time, but helping out his son was that important to him.
One month later, I went back out to Johnnie's home to admit him to our hospice program. In that short period of time, Johnnie had declined to where he was so much weaker and had lost weight. His body had aged, but Johnnie still had that inner strength to continue to do those things he wanted to do. Johnny died a few weeks later with his family at his side.
Today I was given the Thank You card that Grace wrote to thank the hospice team for all the support. Her words brought tears to my eyes. I feel so grateful and pleasantly surprised that I made a difference in Johnnie's life. It doesn't get any better than that.
Driving home after work, I thanked God for letting me know to continue to do this blessed hospice work. The rewards are amazing. Yes, us hospice workers do give to others, but we so get it back a thousand fold. Thank you all.
DETERMINATION
We often get asked,
"How can you do hospice work?
It must be so depressing.
It has to be so hard."
I easily answer,
"It is so rewarding.
We meet wonderful people.
We get it back a thousand fold."
We all easily feel what comes in,
but do not normally know what we give out.
Hearing a "Thank you" is so humbling.
Often thinking not quite deserved.
She wrote a thank you note today.
Thanking the staff for all that they have done.
I was only out there two times,
but her words brought instant tears.
"You gave him the determination
to live every day he had left.
He continued to go to the store everyday;
up to the final ten days."
She was so grateful to what I had given him,
but her words have given me so much more.
Validation to continue to be where I need to be.
Determination.
Johnnie owned a nearby retail store. Johnnie's son worked there full time. Every noon hour, Johnnie went over to the store to give his son a lunch break. Johnnie appeared so weak at the time, but helping out his son was that important to him.
One month later, I went back out to Johnnie's home to admit him to our hospice program. In that short period of time, Johnnie had declined to where he was so much weaker and had lost weight. His body had aged, but Johnnie still had that inner strength to continue to do those things he wanted to do. Johnny died a few weeks later with his family at his side.
Today I was given the Thank You card that Grace wrote to thank the hospice team for all the support. Her words brought tears to my eyes. I feel so grateful and pleasantly surprised that I made a difference in Johnnie's life. It doesn't get any better than that.
Driving home after work, I thanked God for letting me know to continue to do this blessed hospice work. The rewards are amazing. Yes, us hospice workers do give to others, but we so get it back a thousand fold. Thank you all.
DETERMINATION
We often get asked,
"How can you do hospice work?
It must be so depressing.
It has to be so hard."
I easily answer,
"It is so rewarding.
We meet wonderful people.
We get it back a thousand fold."
We all easily feel what comes in,
but do not normally know what we give out.
Hearing a "Thank you" is so humbling.
Often thinking not quite deserved.
She wrote a thank you note today.
Thanking the staff for all that they have done.
I was only out there two times,
but her words brought instant tears.
"You gave him the determination
to live every day he had left.
He continued to go to the store everyday;
up to the final ten days."
She was so grateful to what I had given him,
but her words have given me so much more.
Validation to continue to be where I need to be.
Determination.
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