SCHITZOPHRENIA

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Bonnie” to our hospice program. Bonnie and her husband, “Willie”, have three amazing children. This was such a close, intertwined group of people.

All of us sat in one big circle in Bonnie’s living room. Bonnie did not join us as she is tremendously weak and was sleeping throughout our visit. All of the family, except her one son, “Kevin”, were speaking their truth and emotions. The family has a strong Christian faith which helps all of them cope.

Kevin sat there quietly with his gaze downward. You could tell he was struggling with what he was hearing from us and his family. I was sitting across from Willie and got up to sit next to him in order to sign the admission paperwork. I sat between Kevin and his dad. Our seating arrangement was perfect as Kevin was sitting at an angle to me.

I asked Kevin how he was doing with all of this. I spoke softly and calmly gazing into his eyes. Kevin started to speak. At first slowly, but then was able to fully express how he was coping. He started to say, “I know my mother is dying.....” Kevin spoke simply, but was able to totally pinpoint his emotions.

The two of us spoke for about fifteen minutes. Kevin was able to begin to process his emotions. Everyone else sat quietly without saying a word. All of us were respecting Kevin. It gave me such a wonderful feeling to be able to witness such a beautiful transformation.

I left the home about fifteen minutes before the hospice nurse. The hospice nurse later informed me that Kevin’s sister shared how she had never seen him speak like that before. Kevin made such a difference to me. I only hope I did the same. I cherish this special time with Kevin.


SCHITZOPHRENIA　

He sat so quietly looking stressed.
One knew it was because of his mom
and her recent, rapid decline.
Reality no longer able to deny.

His gaze was downward listening to us all.
His family spoke freely;
direct and to the point.
Emotions, tenderness, grief.

I sat down next to him and softly asked,
“How are you doing with all of this?”
He slowly started to answer,
deep in thought and from his heart.

He spoke about his mother dying.
His strong belief she’ll be okay
crossing over to the other side.
He wants her to think of just that.

He spoke of his one uncle who died years ago.
His uncle was so close to his brother, like he too.
“He had schizophrenia. I miss him so.
I have schizophrenia too.”

I was so amazed by his thought process.
Simple, but profound.
He was getting to the deep core of his grief.
He wanted to understand.

I told him how impressed I was by him.
“Keep doing what you are doing.
It will help you and your mother too.
But most of all,
         you are one remarkable son."
 
 

TRAILBLAZERS

I admitted two patients to our hospice program today. Both were elderly and widowed. Both had memory deficits; one from Alzheimer's Disease, while the other from a multitude of medical issues.

"Susan" had no short term memory, but when her son asked her if she had breakfast this morning, she calmly stated, "I don't remember." It was so matter of fact with no emotion at all. She totally accepted her forgetfulness. "Virginia", due to brain damage, struggled with communicating as could not find the words to speak what she wanted to say. She said it was frustrating, but laughed about it as if she knew that there was nothing she could do about it.

Both of these ladies had supportive, involved families. Sadly, both families were losing their mothers slowly. The two families started grieving several years ago when the memory problems first appeared. Quite often, families will feel some relief at the death as they know their loved one is no longer suffering.

It just amazed me how both of these admission were so similar. We all make choices in our life to help us through our experiences; good times or not so good times. It is who we are that make us who we are today.

I so admired each of these lady's strength in doing what they needed to do and accepting what was going on. They are teaching all of us that we do have some control in the direction our life may move. They are, to me, true heroes and teachers to us all.


TRAILBLAZERS　

I love hearing my patient's life stories
as we all are so individual and unique.
But today I experienced such a coincidence
as if the two of them walked a similar path.

Both of these ladies were widowers
for just about four years.
Both husbands had been on our hospice;
dying only a few months apart.

They come from wonderful families,
although both experienced some rough times.
They kept moving forward no matter what,
having great strength to help them through.

Today that uniqueness blended together.
Hearing two stories so much alike.
How happenstance and choices
impacted each life.

But the most amazing thing to me though,
was how each chose their career.
One was "Rosie the Riveter";
          the other a welder by trade.

Doing what needed to be done
no matter what.
Impressive;
          powerful;
                   Trailblazers.

THAT LITTLE VOICE

During my career as a Medical Social Worker, I have always instinctually just let go. I allow my inner thoughts to intuitively come through. To me, hospice is such spiritual work. So often, I know that I am guided from above. I trust those feelings that are truly from above and from within.

I heard about a late admission that was scheduled for today. I am not expected to go as it would put me in overtime. When I heard about it, I immediately knew that I needed to go. That inner voice inside of me speaks quite loudly at times. I didn’t know why I needed to go, but always trust and listen to my instincts.

The hospice nurse and I walked into the patient’s home and were so warmly greeted by the patient and her two girlfriends. The patient, “Ellen”, was sitting on the couch with her two close girlfriends sitting nearby. Ellen was diagnosed only a few months ago with lung cancer after going to her doctor thinking she had pneumonia.

Ellen went through treatment with horrific side affects. She has always been a very strong, independent woman and is treating her life situation the same. She knew she was done with treatment and was focused on what the next steps in her journey would be like.

Ellen and her two girlfriends were so grateful and thankful for us being there to admit her to our hospice program. Their kindness was so amazing and wonderful. Her friends called us true angels. My immediate thoughts were no, we are not the angels, but you two friends truly are.

Their behavior and support for Ellen was based truly and strongly on love and caring hearts. I felt so honored to have met the three of them. They are pure examples of true love, support and kindness. It was such an honor to have been there to meet three most amazing souls.


THAT LITTLE VOICE　

That little voice inside of me
stays quiet most of the time.
Now and then though, it speaks clearly
guiding me along my path.

Hearing about a late admission today,
I felt this strong need to go.
It was that little voice inside of me
leading me to her home.

She was diagnosed only a few months ago
having already gone through chemo and radiation.
She was through with any further treatment
as the side affects were brutal.

She is very realistic regarding her prognosis.
She will talk openly and honestly about it all.
Being surrounded by so many loving friends.
"Crying with them helps me through."

She graciously accepted us into her home.
Thanking us both for being there.
Her friends called us true angels,
but lovingly by her side, they are the true angels.

I am so honored to have met the three of them.
True teachers of unconditional love and support.
My little voice led me to them.
Gifts of no other kind.