"Jean", seventy-four, was diagnosed with cancer nine months ago. Jean underwent many rounds of chemotherapy and radiation to no avail. Her doctors told her last week that the chemotherapy is no longer working. It was then that Jean's doctor made a hospice referral.
Jean, like many patients I meet, is very independent. She is struggling hard to hold onto that independence. I have never met anyone who likes being dependent, so was not surprised. Jean's daughter lives nearby and is taking Family Leave to be able to help her mother.
Jean had a lot of questions about hospice's involvement and wanted limited visits. I explained Medicare guidelines for the nurse and social worker, who are mandated by Medicare to make routine visits. Jean's daughter said that her mother is very independent and private. I respected Jean's determination as could relate. What I saw in her was how I probably would be if I were walking in her shoes.
Jean used lots of sarcastic humor. She had us all laughing throughout the visit. Humor takes the edge off the seriousness of things that can help one cope. She is reasonable and will likely allow help as needed; although will probably grumble and make us all laugh along the way.
LIKE I WOULD
She is independent.
She is spirited.
She is determined;
wanting to remain in control.
She is quick to smile
using wry humor to cope.
She hates what is happening to her;
never dreaming things would be this way.
She is able to manage her needs for now,
but knows continued autonomy looks bleak.
She'll fight it as long as she can;
determined to hold onto any independence.
Immediately I understood how she was feeling;
how she was trying so hard to remain strong.
I saw a little bit of me in her;
handling things like I probably would.
With self determination and quality of life,
I hope she has the time to slowly let go,
allowing her to be her;
like I know
I would.
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