Eighty-eight year old, “Rhonda”, suffered from lung cancer. Rhonda had been widowed for over twenty-five years and had always been very independent. Rhonda had three adult children, who all lived nearby. All three were actively involved in their mother’s care and increasing needs.
Rhonda was on hospice for less than two months. I only made a few visits, but each time I walked into her bedroom, her face would light up and she would smile. She was pretty weak the entire time she was on our program. Much of her day was spent lying in her hospital bed. The family hired a twenty-four hour caregiver to assist mom. It worked out well for the family, as then they could focus on being Rhonda’s children and not her caretaker.
This was a very devoted family and it was so clear how much Rhonda loved her children and grandchildren; of which there were many. Rhonda died two days ago and I called her daughter, “Denise” to offer condolences. Denise shared stories about her mom; the most wonderful being Rhonda’s last words to her daughter.
In addition, Denise shared that last week her mother wanted everyone in the family to come for a visit. Denise assumed Mom wanted to give everyone one last goodbye. The gathering was planned for this evening. She said “I guess my mom won’t be there, after all.” I assured her that her mom will be there in spirit. The family just has to feel her presence.
The family is at peace about their mother’s death as Denise said it was very peaceful and very quiet. It is what most of us hope for.
FINAL WORDS
I called her to check in.
I wanted to offer support.
The family had suffered another earlier loss,
so I hoped they were doing alright.
She said she was doing just fine.
“I have my moments of missing her,
but her passing was quiet and peaceful.
We knew she was ready to go.”
Her family was always her priority.
There was never any doubt.
She loved it when all were together.
They were that important to her.
Her maternal instinct rang true.
She was still taking care of them,
for she waited for all to leave;
then, quietly slipped away.
Her final words to her daughter
have given the family great strength.
Words they won’t soon forget;
letting them know she is fine.
With her daughter at the bedside,
she softly said, “I’m happy.”
Two simple words so profound.
Then, hours later she was gone;
peacefully.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
FIGHT!
Sixty-two year old, “Laura, suffers from colon cancer that has spread to her lungs. Laura was diagnosed two years old and had been doing quite well, until three months ago, when she started a slow decline. It was then we admitted her to our hospice program.
Laura has been married to “Dennis” for forty-three years. They have three adult children and eight grandchildren. Family all live nearby and visit frequently. This is a very close, religious and devoted family.
Laura has always been strong-willed with an independent personality. She is used to being in charge. Even with her limitations, she works at least one day a week as an office manager. Laura is fortunate as she can go in as often or as little as able. The past few days, though, Laura has been weakening. She is starting to have more bad days than good days.
During my routine visit today, Laura spoke a bit about her nineteen year old grandson who left today for a two year mission for the church. While he is away, family can only e-mail. She shared how hard it was to say goodbye to him knowing that she likely will never see or speak to him again.
She then started to cry saying that she was waiting for me to come as she had a question she needed to ask me. She asked if it was okay for her to continue to fight her disease. She spoke of feeling guilty as this has been going on for over two years. She added that she feels like a burden to her family.
I shared with her that her family is with her out of love, not burden. They need to be there for her as she has always been there for them. I said that there is no right or wrong way to do things, but Laura’s way. I said we all do ourselves best. I shared a quote I recently read that seemed so fitting, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” I added that it doesn’t matter what others think. The important thing is what you think. I told her to follow her heart and she won’t go wrong.
I asked her to share her feelings with her family, if she could. I know they will validate all what I said to Laura. I told her that what she was feeling was called, “normal”. The important thing is to do it her way. Even if she did stop fighting, her journey will be what it will be. As it is for all of us.
FIGHT!
She was waiting for my arrival.
There was something she needed to know.
Tears flowed as she asked,
“Is it okay for me to keep fighting?”
She’s been sick for over two years.
There’s been good days as well as bad.
She feels guilty as thinks she’s a burden to them,
but wants to continue to fight.
I told her, family is there as much for themselves.
They are with you out of love, not obligation.
Their need to be there comes from within.
You raised them all to care that way.
They want you to do this your way.
Follow your heart to what is right for you.
You guide the direction of your journey.
Keep up the fight for as long as you need.
Let them know how you are feeling.
They will tell you their truth.
Without a doubt, all would agree,
“Mom, you just continue to fight,
until you’re done.”
Laura has been married to “Dennis” for forty-three years. They have three adult children and eight grandchildren. Family all live nearby and visit frequently. This is a very close, religious and devoted family.
Laura has always been strong-willed with an independent personality. She is used to being in charge. Even with her limitations, she works at least one day a week as an office manager. Laura is fortunate as she can go in as often or as little as able. The past few days, though, Laura has been weakening. She is starting to have more bad days than good days.
During my routine visit today, Laura spoke a bit about her nineteen year old grandson who left today for a two year mission for the church. While he is away, family can only e-mail. She shared how hard it was to say goodbye to him knowing that she likely will never see or speak to him again.
She then started to cry saying that she was waiting for me to come as she had a question she needed to ask me. She asked if it was okay for her to continue to fight her disease. She spoke of feeling guilty as this has been going on for over two years. She added that she feels like a burden to her family.
I shared with her that her family is with her out of love, not burden. They need to be there for her as she has always been there for them. I said that there is no right or wrong way to do things, but Laura’s way. I said we all do ourselves best. I shared a quote I recently read that seemed so fitting, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” I added that it doesn’t matter what others think. The important thing is what you think. I told her to follow her heart and she won’t go wrong.
I asked her to share her feelings with her family, if she could. I know they will validate all what I said to Laura. I told her that what she was feeling was called, “normal”. The important thing is to do it her way. Even if she did stop fighting, her journey will be what it will be. As it is for all of us.
FIGHT!
She was waiting for my arrival.
There was something she needed to know.
Tears flowed as she asked,
“Is it okay for me to keep fighting?”
She’s been sick for over two years.
There’s been good days as well as bad.
She feels guilty as thinks she’s a burden to them,
but wants to continue to fight.
I told her, family is there as much for themselves.
They are with you out of love, not obligation.
Their need to be there comes from within.
You raised them all to care that way.
They want you to do this your way.
Follow your heart to what is right for you.
You guide the direction of your journey.
Keep up the fight for as long as you need.
Let them know how you are feeling.
They will tell you their truth.
Without a doubt, all would agree,
“Mom, you just continue to fight,
until you’re done.”
Saturday, August 10, 2013
A MIRACLE
Eighty-one year old “Shelley” was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer nine months ago. Pancreatic cancer is one of the most deadliest forms of cancer. Many patients only survive a few months after diagnosis. Shelley was hospitalized three months after diagnosis and, at that time, was close to death. It was then, when she was discharged home to hospice.
Shelley has been married to Jack for thirty-five years. Jack and Shelley had been active bicyclists. A thirty mile bike ride was routine for them. They belonged to a bike club and traveled all over the world riding their bikes. They both were in excellent health and it came as quite a shock when Shelley was diagnosed with her cancer.
Shelley has such a positive attitude about life. She feels blessed by the tremendous support she has from all of their friends and family. She and Jack are very social and, if they weren’t entertaining, they were off bicycling with friends.
When Shelley came onto hospice, she was quite weak and spent a lot of time home as did not have energy for much more. To her doctors and the hospice team, it appeared she had only weeks to live. Then, suddenly, she slowly started to get stronger. She was eating more and sleeping less. She started to entertain. At first, Jack would cook for friends, but then Shelley started to take over the food preparation as well.
Jack and Shelley had just finished a thirty mile bike ride when I made a visit three weeks ago. Her doctor had ordered tests to determine the status of her cancer. Her blood work showed normal readings. Shelley's doctor told her last week that she was not only in remission, but she was cured.
The hospice nurse and I went out today to do one final visit with Shelley. Shelley is an atheist and I was surprised to hear her call being cured a miracle. Shelley also shared that a friend, who is very spiritual, told her about a dream that he had. He said an angel came to him and told him that Shelley will be okay.
Whether it is a miracle or not, something fantastic happened no matter how anyone defines it. Shelley is a great example for others to never give up. No one knows where their journey will take them. I will likely share Shelley’s amazing story to many others as I travel along my own journey.
A MIRACLE
She had a deadly cancer.
Most never do survive.
She declined like the prediction.
We all thought weeks at most.
She went through all of the treatments.
The side effects left her weak.
She had no fears about dying.
Her atheist belief made sense to her.
She cherished each of her days,
preferring to focus on the positive.
She was realistic, although determined
to make it through another day.
Then, she started to slowly get better.
All thought a temporary high.
Her doctor was amazed and overjoyed
when test results were totally clean.
Her doctor said she was one in a million.
“You will likely die from something else.
You are not in remission, but cured.”
He was as surprised as all of us.
Even though a non-believer,
she is the first to admit,
somehow the stars have all aligned,
as all she can say is,
“It’s a miracle!”
Shelley has been married to Jack for thirty-five years. Jack and Shelley had been active bicyclists. A thirty mile bike ride was routine for them. They belonged to a bike club and traveled all over the world riding their bikes. They both were in excellent health and it came as quite a shock when Shelley was diagnosed with her cancer.
Shelley has such a positive attitude about life. She feels blessed by the tremendous support she has from all of their friends and family. She and Jack are very social and, if they weren’t entertaining, they were off bicycling with friends.
When Shelley came onto hospice, she was quite weak and spent a lot of time home as did not have energy for much more. To her doctors and the hospice team, it appeared she had only weeks to live. Then, suddenly, she slowly started to get stronger. She was eating more and sleeping less. She started to entertain. At first, Jack would cook for friends, but then Shelley started to take over the food preparation as well.
Jack and Shelley had just finished a thirty mile bike ride when I made a visit three weeks ago. Her doctor had ordered tests to determine the status of her cancer. Her blood work showed normal readings. Shelley's doctor told her last week that she was not only in remission, but she was cured.
The hospice nurse and I went out today to do one final visit with Shelley. Shelley is an atheist and I was surprised to hear her call being cured a miracle. Shelley also shared that a friend, who is very spiritual, told her about a dream that he had. He said an angel came to him and told him that Shelley will be okay.
Whether it is a miracle or not, something fantastic happened no matter how anyone defines it. Shelley is a great example for others to never give up. No one knows where their journey will take them. I will likely share Shelley’s amazing story to many others as I travel along my own journey.
A MIRACLE
She had a deadly cancer.
Most never do survive.
She declined like the prediction.
We all thought weeks at most.
She went through all of the treatments.
The side effects left her weak.
She had no fears about dying.
Her atheist belief made sense to her.
She cherished each of her days,
preferring to focus on the positive.
She was realistic, although determined
to make it through another day.
Then, she started to slowly get better.
All thought a temporary high.
Her doctor was amazed and overjoyed
when test results were totally clean.
Her doctor said she was one in a million.
“You will likely die from something else.
You are not in remission, but cured.”
He was as surprised as all of us.
Even though a non-believer,
she is the first to admit,
somehow the stars have all aligned,
as all she can say is,
“It’s a miracle!”
Saturday, August 3, 2013
HER SCRIPT
Eighty-one year old “Bonnie” suffered from end-stage heart disease. She was a devoted Catholic and received comfort from its doctrine and teachings. She had a strong belief in heaven and the afterlife. She knew her loved ones, who had passed before, were there waiting for her.
Bonnie had no fear of dying. Her one fear though, was that she would be alone when it happened. Bonnie was widowed and lived alone. She had one son, “Gary”, who lived nearby. When Bonnie got to the point that she could no longer be alone, she hired an attendant. The attendant would be with Bonnie five days each week, while Gary stayed with his mom the other two remaining days.
Bonnie died at 9:45 last night. The hospice nurse had just walked in when Bonnie took her final breath. Two hours earlier, Bonnie’s breathing changed and the family called hospice to inform them of the change. The nurse said that she could be there in a few hours. It was then that Gary called Bonnie’s sister to come over.
When Bonnie took her final breath, Gary was holding one of her hands, while her sister was holding the other. Other family members were standing nearby. It was comforting to the family knowing that Bonnie did not die alone and that they all were able to be there for her.
I called Gary today to offer condolences and my sympathy. It was then when Gary told me about his mom’s script. He is at peace with her dying as he knew she was ready and she did not die alone. He said she set the stage to have the hospice nurse and the family there when she took her final breath.
Bonnie’s brother, “Bob”, had died a few years ago. When Gary called his cousin, Bob’s daughter, to inform her of his mother’s death, his cousin told him something amazing. His cousin knew how much Bonnie was ready to go and so she spoke silently to her father and said, “Help Aunt Bonnie cross over.” Gary’s cousin said that she relayed these thoughts to her father at 9:35 last night; ten minutes before Bonnie died. It gives Gary peace to hear what she had to say, as he knows his mom was not alone when she transitioned to the other side. He truly believes, that as they were releasing her, other family members were receiving her.
Gary says that he knows he will have some tough days ahead, but is at peace at how everything turned out. I have no doubt, that in time, he will be fine.
HER SCRIPT
She never had a fear of dying.
She has been ready for a while.
She hates living this way.
She can’t wait to let go.
She knows she will be with family
when she crosses to the other side.
Her parents; her brother; so many others.
This is taking way too long.
Her son says she wrote a script.
She wished to never die alone.
She wants her relatives with her
when it is her time to go.
She took her final breath last night,
with her family by the bedside.
Her son; her sister; each holding a hand.
Her final wish did come true.
She got the lead role in her screenplay.
She played her part so well.
No rehearsals ever needed,
for her “once in a lifetime”
script.
Bonnie had no fear of dying. Her one fear though, was that she would be alone when it happened. Bonnie was widowed and lived alone. She had one son, “Gary”, who lived nearby. When Bonnie got to the point that she could no longer be alone, she hired an attendant. The attendant would be with Bonnie five days each week, while Gary stayed with his mom the other two remaining days.
Bonnie died at 9:45 last night. The hospice nurse had just walked in when Bonnie took her final breath. Two hours earlier, Bonnie’s breathing changed and the family called hospice to inform them of the change. The nurse said that she could be there in a few hours. It was then that Gary called Bonnie’s sister to come over.
When Bonnie took her final breath, Gary was holding one of her hands, while her sister was holding the other. Other family members were standing nearby. It was comforting to the family knowing that Bonnie did not die alone and that they all were able to be there for her.
I called Gary today to offer condolences and my sympathy. It was then when Gary told me about his mom’s script. He is at peace with her dying as he knew she was ready and she did not die alone. He said she set the stage to have the hospice nurse and the family there when she took her final breath.
Bonnie’s brother, “Bob”, had died a few years ago. When Gary called his cousin, Bob’s daughter, to inform her of his mother’s death, his cousin told him something amazing. His cousin knew how much Bonnie was ready to go and so she spoke silently to her father and said, “Help Aunt Bonnie cross over.” Gary’s cousin said that she relayed these thoughts to her father at 9:35 last night; ten minutes before Bonnie died. It gives Gary peace to hear what she had to say, as he knows his mom was not alone when she transitioned to the other side. He truly believes, that as they were releasing her, other family members were receiving her.
Gary says that he knows he will have some tough days ahead, but is at peace at how everything turned out. I have no doubt, that in time, he will be fine.
HER SCRIPT
She never had a fear of dying.
She has been ready for a while.
She hates living this way.
She can’t wait to let go.
She knows she will be with family
when she crosses to the other side.
Her parents; her brother; so many others.
This is taking way too long.
Her son says she wrote a script.
She wished to never die alone.
She wants her relatives with her
when it is her time to go.
She took her final breath last night,
with her family by the bedside.
Her son; her sister; each holding a hand.
Her final wish did come true.
She got the lead role in her screenplay.
She played her part so well.
No rehearsals ever needed,
for her “once in a lifetime”
script.
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