FROGS

Fifty-eight year old “Pete” was on hospice for only about two weeks. He lived with his wife, “Margie” who was on leave from her job to care for Pete. Pete and Margie had a tremendous support system between family and friends. Folks were drawn to them by their genuine love for each other and for life.

Pete was diagnosed with cancer only two months before I met him. He totally accepted his situation without fears or anxiety. Even with his weakness, he would always give visitors this wonderful, warm smile.

The family started a web page documenting his progress and, within two months, there were over 16,000 hits. Pete was a elementary school teacher and, I know, touched so many young lives. The cards displayed all over his home were a testimony to him from so many admirers.

I called Margie today to check in on her and to see how she was doing. It has been about a month since Pete died. She became tearful, but so appropriate for what she is going through. She so easily was able to verbalize her emotions and process them as they came. It was during this phone call when she shared the story about the frog. She said that she has always loved frogs and finding the little frog in the maple plant was a sign to her from Pete. It gives her comfort.

Margie added that the same day she was plant shopping and discovered the little frog, another friend, had also been shopping.. She shared the frog story with her friend. Her friend then told her about her own experienced that day. Her friend was at a Home and Garden Show and was drawn to this whimsical frog that was sculptured in silver. She didn’t buy it as said she doesn’t even like frogs. She was surprised that she was even mesmerized by it. When she heard Margie’s story, she quickly went back to purchase the frog.

Both Margie, her friend and I, all believe it was Pete letting them know that he is okay and still around.

FROGS

　
Their love was so intense.
Their love was so true.
They were meant to be together.
They were soul mates.

He had no fears about dying.
He said he’s never been afraid of death.
He accepted it like everything else in life;
with a positive attitude and a genuine smile.

He’s been gone about a month now.
She sees reminders all around.
“I’m on the path to where I am suppose to be
seeing the magic, the gifts,
the blessings of each day.”

She was drawn to a maple plant while shopping.
Hidden inside the vase was a little frog.
It looked at her with mystical eyes.
She knew he was saying hello.

She loves her Native American Cards.
Each card a photo of an animal with an inspirational quote.
She went home and looked up the frog card.
She wasn’t surprised by what she read.

“Honor your tears.
They cleanse the soul.”
There was no doubt in her mind.
he was and always will be
her everlasting soul mate.

BLESSED

I went out to open a new patient to hospice today. “George”, sixty-eight, suffers from prostate cancer that has spread to his bone. He is now bed bound due to weakness. He is eating very little at this time. He needs help with all of his needs and cannot be left alone.

This puts a huge burden on his wife, “Mary”. Mary is sixty-five and still works the night shift cleaning up offices in a nearby sports complex. She loves her job and hopes to be able to continue to work through George’s illness and decline.

Mary and George have five children; three of whom live out of state. Two handicapped adult children reside in the home with their parents. Mary also takes care of them, which is quite demanding on her causing anxiety and stress. Mary gets overwhelmed easily because of the demands on her. Her son, “Trevor“, twenty-nine, is autistic, while her daughter, “Kelly”, thirty-six, suffers from schizophrenia. Kelly is able to watch her dad while Mary is at work. Mary works nearby and if Kelly calls she can be home in about ten minutes.

One daughter, “Ronnie”, who lives out of state, is visiting for a week helping her mom. There is a lot of paperwork that needs attending and Mary is so thankful for Ronnie’s help. Ronnie shared that her two other sisters hope to be able to visit soon.

I assisted Mary with some financial paperwork. In addition, I validated the demands on her as the primary caretaker for three of her family members. She shared that she so appreciated the help that I gave her today. It was then when she spoke about how difficult my job must be. I thought the same thing about her and how challenging her life must be.

Looking at all that is on Mary’s plate and what she is responsible for, made me think that my job is not difficult at all. Yes there are difficult moments in my workday at times, but the blessings that I receive each and every day are priceless. I was in awe that she looked at what I did for a living to be difficult. Many of us could never do what she faces on a daily basis. She is an inspiration.


BLESSED
　

She asked how do I do the work that I do?
She wanted to know how it was.
It must be so sad at times.
It must really be tough.

Most feel that it is like the loss of a loved one
since that is all that most of us know.
The deep pain of such a tremendous hit.
The intense grief that follows us all.

I do grieve hard when it is personal;
when it is someone I love.
I, like them, don’t know what to do.
I struggle with what to say.

But in my work, this question is frequent
and my response is always the same.
I am sure it is not what many would imagine.
Most are amazed that we can do it at all.

She thanked me for all of my help today.
She said “One day you will be blessed.”
I replied, “I am blessed each and every day”.
And so we are.

BEING THERE

Sixty-four year old “Maureen” suffers from liver failure. Maureen is single and has lived alone most of her adult life. She has a very independent personality and is used to relying on herself for her needs.

Maureen can no longer be left alone as she is declining to where she stays in bed most of the day sleeping. She stopped eating a week ago. She may be starting into her dying process. Maureen’s mother, “Donna” lives nearby. Donna is eighty-four and tires easily. Donna wants to be involved in her daughter’s care, even though likely she could not manage due to her own health issues and age.

Maureen’s sister, “Jan” has temporarily moved in to care for her sister. Donna continues to offer to help out more, but Maureen tells her mother to just sit nearby in the living room. Maureen spends her days in the living room in her favorite recliner or her hospital bed.

Donna doesn’t realize the importance of just being there. For Maureen, her mother being there is huge. Donna wants to feel needed and often feels rejected by her daughters. I met with the family today and attempted to inform Donna that what she is doing for her daughter is so valuable. I encouraged Donna to focus on her daughter’s needs which she is fulfilling by sitting on the couch looking out at the garden. I shared that she may feel better doing additional tasks , but, for now, it is best to focus on what Maureen needs and asks for. That is the best help of all.

Most of us feel fulfilled doing tasks that show production. It gives one a sense of accomplishing something. The mere fact of being there is so amazing as it is the simple sharing of oneself to another. In the end, for most of us, that is all that we ever need from a loved one.


BEING THERE

　

She needs to feel helpful.
She thinks she knows what to do,
although feels rejected at each turn,
even though she’s asked to just be there.

She’s comes by each day.
She sits by her daughter’s side.
Looking out at the garden, watching TV.
It’s just not enough for her.

She wants to feel needed.
She wants to be a part.
She doesn’t realize the importance
of sitting quietly by the bedside.

She’s doing what her daughter asks.
She’s doing what her daughter needs.
There’s enough hands-on care.
Her daughter just wants her mom.

Hopefully she’ll come to realize
it’s not the tasks that are important,
but the simple act of being there;
the sharing of two souls,
is the best that we can do.

BLUE EYES

The moment I first met thirty-two year old, “Chris“, I knew he was special. He suffers from brain cancer which has left him very weak to where he needs help with all of his needs. He can sit up in a wheelchair, but someone needs to be right by his side as he has difficulty holding his head up.

Chris lives with his wife, “Ellen”, who quit her job to stay home to care for him. Chris’s parents live nearby and his mother, “Jeanie” is staying with the couple to help Ellen with Chris’s care.

The family has been involved with their Baptist church community their entire life. Their faith is a huge part of their coping and support. There is a prayer chain to where someone is always praying for Chris, around the clock, all over the world. Also, each day, someone from their church comes for four hours to give Ellen and Jeanie some respite.

During my visit, Jeanie pushed Chris in his wheelchair to where I was sitting on the couch. She wanted Chris close so that we could all hear him. He is so weak that he struggles with projecting his voice. Some days he can get a few sentences out, where other days, like this visit, he cannot at all.

When I first met Chris, he stated that he was at peace about dying. He had no fears and totally accepted his fate. He has no regrets or unfinished business, which is amazing for someone so young

Sitting close to him during the visit, I could not help but notice his amazing blue eyes. I saw a wise, old soul in front of me. I was drawn to him and his inner peace. He is surrounded by so much love. At one point I shared with him how blessed he was to have such tremendous support from all over the world. It was then when he attempted to tell me something. We could not hear what he was trying to say, but I saw in his eyes that he was thanking me as he knew I understood how special it was to be surrounded by so many compassionate people.

He has taught so many so much in his three decades of life. A feat not surpassed by many of us. I am blessed to have met him. He is someone I will not soon forget, if ever.


BLUE EYES
　

He has the most amazing eyes.
Crystal clear and deep, deep blue.
Full of love, peace, wisdom,
which easily captures those around.

They say you can see what’s inside
by looking into ones’ eyes.
His eyes state so clearly and profound
what an amazing man he’s come to be.

His faith is important to him.
He’s been active all of his life.
Continuous praying ongoing for him
from local to all over the world.

It’s so easy to be drawn to him,
as he emits so much love.
Unconditional and always true
expressed from those amazing blue eyes.

He struggles to speak.
He cannot project his voice.
He was attempting to say something,
but all I saw was the love in his eyes.

We listened up close to no avail.
He seemed to want me to know something.
He then squeezed my hand so tight.
I know he was acknowledging that I understood.
Verbalized so well by those deep,
wise,
old soul,
blue eyes.