A GIFT

Sixty-seven year old “Vic” suffers from prostate cancer. Vic has been married to “Mary” for thirty years. Vic has several children from a previous marriage who all live out of state. Mary has two sons from two previous marriages who also live hours away. The extended family is very close to Vic, Mary and each other.

Mary says that Vic is her soul mate. She adores him and loves being by his side. She says he came into her life at the perfect time. Vic is devoted to Mary and appreciates all that she does for him.

Vic is very weak and needs assistance with all of his needs. He has some days now that he doesn’t get out of bed. He has a poor appetite and is so thin one can see his ribs. Mary worries about him, but understands that the decline will continue.

I went out today and Vic needed to talk about his family. He wanted to know what to tell his family when they call. He doesn’t know when to tell them to come visit. He would like to have a chance to say goodbye. I asked him what he wanted to do. Did he want to see them when he was alert and awake to enjoy the visit or at the end of his life where he may be sleeping most of the time?

Vic thought about what I said and then asked me, “When will I die?” He wanted to know how long he had to live to determine when to tell the family to come out for a visit. I spoke about the end of life and what to expect. I said he would let go when the time is right for him.

I talked about the clinical process of dying and then spoke about my experience as the non-medical member of the team. I shared that if he saw monthly changes, he has months. If he sees weekly changes he has weeks; daily changes; days and hourly changes; hours. I shared that a guideline for me is how much someone is still eating or drinking.

He was quiet for a moment while he thought about what I had said. He started to cry and then said, “Thank you. You have let me know.” I was tearful as well as he told me I had made a difference to him today. I felt touched by God for finding the right words to say to him.

I asked Vic if I could give him a hug before I left. He said yes. He is so weak, but he was determined to stand up and hug me back. Our hug was so tight and long as I believe we were both thanking each other for the gift we received from each other.

Mary walked me out and said “Isn’t he an amazing man?” I couldn’t have agreed more. Somehow we were meant to connect today in a very special way. Thank you Vic and God for the amazing gift you gave me.


A GIFT


I hadn’t seen him for a few weeks.
I was surprised by his decline.
He is weaker; he is thinner.
He has trouble processing thoughts.

He knows he is going downhill.
He knows he will never get well.
He knows his time is limited.
He’s getting ready to let go.

“When should I tell them to come visit?
When is it the right time?
I don’t know what to tell people.
When will I die?”

I spoke about the end of life.
I spoke about the changes and decline.
I was honest and straightforward.
I allowed the words to just flow.

He was quiet for a moment
letting my words sink in.
He started to cry and then thanked me.
“You have let me know.”

I asked if I could give him a hug
for the gift that he gave me.
Telling me I made a difference.
Helping him to know what to say.

He slowly stood up and we hugged.
The hug was tight and long.
He was thanking me for my gift.
A shared exchange between two souls.

COINCIDENCES

I have experienced so many coincidences in the work that I do. I have often been delayed which puts me in a patient’s home later than scheduled. Frequently that later visit ends up being the perfect time to be there. I walked into a home one time to open them to hospice. The elderly wife was so stressed over what to do when her husband died. Thirty minutes into the visit, the husband quietly died and I was able to handle all the details for her, thus relieving her of all the stress. I am never surprised when these things happen, although am in awe as I feel that a higher power is guiding it all.

Normally I schedule a visit a day or two ahead. I had two morning appointments scheduled for tomorrow and was about to schedule another for the afternoon. My instinct told me to leave that time available. I trust my inner voice and after several times thinking I should schedule something for the afternoon, I kept thinking that I need to leave that time alone.

Later this afternoon, one of the hospice nurses called me about “Sheila” one of our patients. She said that Sheila fell and was ready to talk about setting up a plan for care. Part of my job as a social worker is to discuss long term planning with the patients and families. Even if the patient doesn’t need twenty-four hour coverage at the time, it is good to have a plan in mind so when that time does come, it can be a smooth transition.

Sheila suffers from ovarian cancer. Sheila’s son, “Jeff”, lives in the home and has been her caregiver. He works nights, but is available during the day when he is not sleeping. That plan has been working fine as Sheila is able to walk slowly around her home and manage many of her needs. I have attempted to discuss a long term plan with Sheila several times. She would always respond saying her family and friends will help out. She never would clarify a definitive plan.

Sheila asked the nurse to call me so I could come out to help her and her family set up a workable plan. Sheila’s daughter lives nearby and also works. Tomorrow afternoon worked well as it gave her daughter time to arrange time off work in order to be present during the visit.

Somehow I wasn’t surprised that something like this happened as I listened to my inner voice to keep time available. When I listen and follow its guidance, I am never steered wrong. Coincidences, I believe, are powerful signs from above.


COINCIDENCES


It happened again today
like many times before.
An unexpected coincidence
falling perfectly into place.

I trust my inner voice; my instinct.
It speaks to me loud and clear.
It guides me to where I need to go.
It never steers me wrong.

Quite often when I am delayed,
it gets me there at the perfect time.
Words popping into my head
become the perfect thing to say.

My days typically fill up rather quickly
with pre-scheduled appointments.
Visits planned a day or two ahead
focusing on patient and family needs.

I left tomorrow afternoon open
which is not my typical routine.
I felt I needed to set aside the time,
but really didn’t know why.

She called to say they needed help.
They hoped that I could come soon.
I said I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon.
The perfect time for all.

I do not work alone.
I am guided from above.
The magic of the work that I do
is all wrapped up in
coincidences.

KINDRED SPIRIT

I have known “Nora”, eighty-eight, for eighteen months when she first came onto hospice. She suffered from colon cancer and had been doing well until the last six months when she started to slowly decline. With each visit, one would find her in a recliner in her family room. She always had a smile and her face just lit up when she saw you walk in. She made one feel like they made her day by visiting. She had such love in her heart.

Nora lived with “Jack”, her husband of sixty years. He was in good health and was able to care for Nora. In the past two weeks, Nora would spend her days in bed as she was too weak to sit up. Nora and Jack’s two sons started being more available which was a great support to the couple.

With each visit, Nora would ask about how I was doing and what was going on in m life. She was always so interested in others, but also was able to share her life. She and Jack would tease each other and laugh so easily. At one point, I said that they could adopt me and Nora quickly stated, “You’re adopted.”

During my visit last week, I shared that I would see her in two weeks right before I took off for a two week vacation. I said I will stop by, even if it is an informal visit on my own time, to say goodbye before I left on my trip. Nora then said that she would be here when I got back. I believed her as I needed to believe her. Seeing how quickly she was declining, deep inside I knew it would not be. I just wasn’t ready for the reality of the situation.

Nora died yesterday afternoon. I called the home and spoke with Nora’s son, “Mark”, to offer condolences. Jack is hard of hearing and has difficulty talking on a telephone. I told Mark to let him know I called and if there was anything I could do for him. Mark then told his father that I was on the phone and if he had any questions for me. I then heard Jack ask, “When is she coming over?” I will be going out to do a visit tomorrow afternoon. Somehow it is as much for me as it is for Jack. I need to give him a hug as I need a hug too.


KINDRED SPIRIT


I am still shocked.
I can’t get her off my mind.
She said she’d be there when I got back.
I believed in my heart all that she said.

I knew she was getting weaker
but it’s been such a slow decline.
I thought we’d have more time together.
I wasn’t yet ready to say goodbye.

I just saw her last week.
We talked and laughed like usual.
I don’t remember what was said,
but will always cherish the love in her heart.

She took me under her wing.
She always asked about my life.
What was I doing, what was new?
She really wanted to know.

She is someone whom I‘ll never forget.
Her legacy in my heart will remain.
She was so special, a kindred spirit.
So goodbye for now,
til we meet again.

SHE REMEMBERS

Sixty year old “Leann” was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer six months ago. Leann has such a positive and gregarious attitude toward life. She has had some difficult times as was diagnosed with diabetes as a young teenager. She has always accepted her life’s challenges without complaint.

Leann lives with her husband, “Bob”. They have been married thirty years. They have no children, but Leann has a large, extended family nearby. When her family gets together, all one can hear is laughter, noise and lots of commotion. Leann’s family has always been very open about their feelings and emotions. The family easily talks about Leann’s diagnosis and poor prognosis.

When I went out to do a visit today, Leann shared the story about the moment she learned she had cancer. She related, as she calls it, the “prescience moment.” She then laughed as she thought how ironic that the word prescience means insightful in a spiritual way, which she felt was the exact opposite of the meaning of science, which is based on fact.

She said the occurrence in the emergency room has given her peace and comfort as she knows where she is going and that it is going to be amazing. She knows she would have had many fears by now without that experience.

Our conversation turned to her beliefs about life and what she felt was important. With a grin, she shared what she thought the question that one will be asked by God when entering heaven will be “What color do you want your mansion to be?” She then turned serious and said that the question is, “What regrets do you have about what you have done and what regrets do you have about what you didn’t do?”


SHE REMEMBERS


She remembers the moment she was diagnosed.
She remembers the date and the exact time.
She remembers lying on a gurney in the ER
hearing the doctor say they found a mass.

She remembers feeling total peace.
Wrapped in a glorious embrace.
All over, throughout and within.
A golden love she’ll never forget.

He was watching her face, worrying
as the doctors shared the bad news.
A subtle change came over her face.
He saw tranquility, an inner glow.

They gave her less than four months.
They said nothing could be done.
Chemo may slow down the growth,
but in the end, the cancer will win.

Each day she remembers that special moment.
The embrace from something beyond.
She believes a preview of what’s waiting for her.
Without it, fears would have already come.

Six months later she’s a bit weaker.
Her appetite’s poor, she’s slowing down,
but her inner peace continues strong
as she knows where she’s going
and the beauty beyond.

She remembers.