"Paul”, ninety years old, suffers from lung cancer. He has been on hospice for about two months. He is declining rapidly to where he is now very weak and sleeps most of the day. Paul lives with his wife, “Joan”, who is eighty-six, but so full of life and energy.
Paul and Joan have three adult children and many grandchildren. The family is very close and all are devoted to Paul and Joan. Joan does not look or act her eighty-six years. She is very social and, in addition to her family, has many close friends and neighbors. She is very talented and has many interests. Joan paints water colors, plays the piano and currently is writing her second novel.
Joan has a strong interest in genealogy and has researched Paul’s family history as well as her own. Paul was a World War II hero as he was the pilot of the plane that first spotted the Japanese at Midway. Paul proudly showed me the one room in their home where he has displayed all the newspaper articles and medals he received while serving in the war.
During my visits, Joan will start sharing family history. She remembers all the details which make her stories so interesting and colorful. During my visit today, she started to share stories of the loss of members of her family. Seeing Paul’s decline in the recent weeks has brought up past memories that she has experienced.
During the visit, she shared the story of her father and how he died. She said his love for horses came from his father, her grandfather. Her grandfather was a cowboy and also rode horses throughout his life. She said he once raced against Jesse James in a horse race.
It gives her peace and comfort knowing that the moment her father died was the perfect moment for him.
HORSES
She has a colorful family history.
She’ll easily spin you a tale.
Anecdotes, adventures, olden times.
She’s a natural-born story teller.
She’ll proudly talk about her family.
So many people no longer around.
How she was there for many until the end.
Lasting memories she’ll never forget.
She shares stories about her father
and his lifelong love of horses.
Never without a cowboy hat
as he proudly rode throughout his life.
Late in life, a heart attack left him frail.
Her mother had to pick up the slack.
One day she wheeled him to the front porch
so he could watch her work in the yard.
Suddenly he saw children leading some ponies.
They were slowly walking past his home.
An unusual event never occurring before.
It was then he quietly slipped away.
It gives her peace and much comfort
knowing he died the moment he did.
One final image of the horses he so loved.
Further coloring of the already vibrant family tree.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
CARDS
Fifty-six year old “Sandra” suffers from ovarian cancer. She was referred to hospice several months ago because her cancer had spread to her stomach. Sandra has been divorced for years and raised her two children alone. Sandra‘s twenty-eight year old son lives with her. Her daughter lives nearby with her husband and young daughter.
Both children are devoted to their mother. Sandra is still able to manage many of her needs, although is slowly declining and becoming weaker. She stays home alone while her son is at work. She has many visitors throughout each day as well as phone calls from family and her large network of friends. Sandra is a very social person with such a positive outlook on life. She says she doesn’t miss working, but does miss the social interaction that goes along with it.
I went out today to do a routine visit and Sandra shared how she had been so sick the previous week. She had been weak, nauseas and couldn’t keep anything down. In addition, her eyes have started to become painful where she has stopped reading for a while wanting to give them a rest. Sandra loves to read, but in her typical positive way, says that she can always get someone to read to her. She is doing much better this week. Sandra’s experience of last week steered our conversation about her dying. She is a Christian with a strong belief in God and the afterlife.
Sandra picked up a book from her nightstand and shared some of the words of wisdom from a few of the pages. The book focused on recognizing the bright side of life. Sandra cannot control having cancer, but she has all the control in how she deals with her disease. Sandra stated that she prefers her days to be good days. The book wrote about the positive aspects of playing the cards that you have been dealt.
Sandra has no fears about dying or the afterlife. Her positive attitude has guided her throughout her life and I have no doubt that she will continue to play all the cards that she holds in her hand.
CARDS
She has such a positive attitude.
She always prefers the bright side.
No matter what cards have been dealt,
she’ll continue to seek out the aces.
She feels life is like a deck of cards.
One must always play the ones in their hand.
You can never rely on what card is coming next,
so it is best to accept the ones that you have.
She has been dealt some bad cards in her life.
Things have not always been easy or smooth,
but she’ll carry on, present a smile,
and do the best that she can.
She wants the end of her life to be happy.
She hopes to enjoy the days she has left.
She wants to always be remembered with a smile,
not with, sadness, sorrow or regret.
Her convictions about life may be simple,
although I know her legacy will be great.
“Success is when you find joy in your life
by playing the cards you have been dealt.”
Both children are devoted to their mother. Sandra is still able to manage many of her needs, although is slowly declining and becoming weaker. She stays home alone while her son is at work. She has many visitors throughout each day as well as phone calls from family and her large network of friends. Sandra is a very social person with such a positive outlook on life. She says she doesn’t miss working, but does miss the social interaction that goes along with it.
I went out today to do a routine visit and Sandra shared how she had been so sick the previous week. She had been weak, nauseas and couldn’t keep anything down. In addition, her eyes have started to become painful where she has stopped reading for a while wanting to give them a rest. Sandra loves to read, but in her typical positive way, says that she can always get someone to read to her. She is doing much better this week. Sandra’s experience of last week steered our conversation about her dying. She is a Christian with a strong belief in God and the afterlife.
Sandra picked up a book from her nightstand and shared some of the words of wisdom from a few of the pages. The book focused on recognizing the bright side of life. Sandra cannot control having cancer, but she has all the control in how she deals with her disease. Sandra stated that she prefers her days to be good days. The book wrote about the positive aspects of playing the cards that you have been dealt.
Sandra has no fears about dying or the afterlife. Her positive attitude has guided her throughout her life and I have no doubt that she will continue to play all the cards that she holds in her hand.
CARDS
She has such a positive attitude.
She always prefers the bright side.
No matter what cards have been dealt,
she’ll continue to seek out the aces.
She feels life is like a deck of cards.
One must always play the ones in their hand.
You can never rely on what card is coming next,
so it is best to accept the ones that you have.
She has been dealt some bad cards in her life.
Things have not always been easy or smooth,
but she’ll carry on, present a smile,
and do the best that she can.
She wants the end of her life to be happy.
She hopes to enjoy the days she has left.
She wants to always be remembered with a smile,
not with, sadness, sorrow or regret.
Her convictions about life may be simple,
although I know her legacy will be great.
“Success is when you find joy in your life
by playing the cards you have been dealt.”
Saturday, November 12, 2011
PAIN
Sixty-eight old “Catherine” suffers from lung cancer. She gets short of breath very easily although is able to manage well if she walks slowly. Catherine lives alone with plans on moving to a retirement community in two months where there are higher levels of care available as needed.
Catherine is divorced and has lived alone for years. She has two adult children who are very close to her. Her daughter, “Lisa”, moved in a few months ago to help out. Lisa works during the day, but is available weekends and nights. Catherine’s son, “Jay”, works nearby and can take off work whenever he needs to help his mother.
Catherine has a very independent personality and is very determined to live her life to the fullest. She pushes herself to keep going in order to live her life her way. She loves to eat out and lives near many restaurants within walking distance. Many days one will find her slowly walking up the street with her walker toward her restaurant of choice for that day.
Catherine has been on hospice for over six months. Whenever the nurse or I visit, we spend most of the time talking about food and the local restaurants. Catherine is a delight and so full of life.
Her one issue, though, is severe back pain. The hospice nurse offered morphine which Catherine quickly declined. She had the understanding that taking morphine would either mean you would become addicted or that you were dying. Roxanol is the same drug and, quite often, when presented that way, patients are more willing to accept the option.
Catherine’s son Jay was worried about his mom’s pain issues and offered to get her some marijuana. Catherine quickly said no as she felt she didn’t want to smoke it. When Jay offered getting it in a brownie, she again quickly declined as she didn‘t want to digest any marijuana. Jay discovered a lotion at a local marijuana dispensary that Catherine was willing to try. She is now happily using it as it is very effective in relieving her back pain.
Catherine said she is from the old school where values were such that one didn’t take certain drugs. She now is a big fan of her marijuana cream and will quickly praise its graces.
PAIN
She is from the old school
where beliefs were firmly set.
Certain values were acceptable
while many others were not.
She didn’t want to take morphine
even though her pain was often severe.
It would mean she’d become addicted.
It must mean the end of her life.
Roxanol is the official name for morphine
and she was willing to it a try.
She didn’t know it was the same as morphine.
She just liked how it helped with her pain.
Marijuana is sold legally in her state.
One just needs a special card.
Her son offered to get her some.
He hoped it would help her pain
She didn‘t want to smoke it.
She did not want to consume it.
She was willing though, to try the lotion
with the creative name of “Cannabliss”.
The lotion was instantly effective.
Her pain a steady decline.
She quickly amended her lifelong beliefs.
She only had to give it a try.
Catherine is divorced and has lived alone for years. She has two adult children who are very close to her. Her daughter, “Lisa”, moved in a few months ago to help out. Lisa works during the day, but is available weekends and nights. Catherine’s son, “Jay”, works nearby and can take off work whenever he needs to help his mother.
Catherine has a very independent personality and is very determined to live her life to the fullest. She pushes herself to keep going in order to live her life her way. She loves to eat out and lives near many restaurants within walking distance. Many days one will find her slowly walking up the street with her walker toward her restaurant of choice for that day.
Catherine has been on hospice for over six months. Whenever the nurse or I visit, we spend most of the time talking about food and the local restaurants. Catherine is a delight and so full of life.
Her one issue, though, is severe back pain. The hospice nurse offered morphine which Catherine quickly declined. She had the understanding that taking morphine would either mean you would become addicted or that you were dying. Roxanol is the same drug and, quite often, when presented that way, patients are more willing to accept the option.
Catherine’s son Jay was worried about his mom’s pain issues and offered to get her some marijuana. Catherine quickly said no as she felt she didn’t want to smoke it. When Jay offered getting it in a brownie, she again quickly declined as she didn‘t want to digest any marijuana. Jay discovered a lotion at a local marijuana dispensary that Catherine was willing to try. She is now happily using it as it is very effective in relieving her back pain.
Catherine said she is from the old school where values were such that one didn’t take certain drugs. She now is a big fan of her marijuana cream and will quickly praise its graces.
PAIN
She is from the old school
where beliefs were firmly set.
Certain values were acceptable
while many others were not.
She didn’t want to take morphine
even though her pain was often severe.
It would mean she’d become addicted.
It must mean the end of her life.
Roxanol is the official name for morphine
and she was willing to it a try.
She didn’t know it was the same as morphine.
She just liked how it helped with her pain.
Marijuana is sold legally in her state.
One just needs a special card.
Her son offered to get her some.
He hoped it would help her pain
She didn‘t want to smoke it.
She did not want to consume it.
She was willing though, to try the lotion
with the creative name of “Cannabliss”.
The lotion was instantly effective.
Her pain a steady decline.
She quickly amended her lifelong beliefs.
She only had to give it a try.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
THE RULES
Fifty-eight year old “Hank” suffers from brain cancer. Hank gets confused easily and has a difficult time processing any thoughts. Hank is very wobbly on his feet due to weakness. He has fallen multiple times when attempting to get out of bed. Fortunately, he has never been injured.
Hank lives with his wife, “Lana”. Lana is a flight attendant for a major airline. She is using her Family Leave to stay home and care for Hank. Hank and Lana have three children all living about two hours away. Recently, they have put their home up for sale and are planning on moving to be closer to where the children all live. Lana could use the additional support the children will be able to give once they move.
Lana intellectualizes her emotions. She has this idea that there are steadfast, obscure rules that she needs to follow. She has high expectations of herself to be perfect and to not do anything wrong. She is doing an amazing job caring for Hank. Hank is very demanding of attention as he gets agitated and restless quite often. He keeps wanting to get out of bed and does not understand that he would likely fall and possibly injure himself.
Lana has been so exhausted recently due to lack of sleep as Hank keeps her up at night trying to get out of bed. In addition, she has the responsibility of getting their home ready for sale. Lana hates to ask for help and feels that she should be able to do it all.
Recently, in the middle of the night, Hank tried to bite Lana as she was attempting to keep him from getting out of bed. Lana slapped Hank on the leg to try to protect herself. She immediately felt terrible as she left a small bruise on his leg. Lana felt that she was suppose to tell someone about what she had done so she shared it with the hospice nurse. By law, the nurse was mandated to call APS (Adult Protective Services). APS quickly made an unannounced visit and spoke with Lana about the incident.
I followed up with a visit the following day. Lana and I have a good relationship as she is like a sponge whenever I counsel her on her emotions and grief or discuss the strains of being a caregiver. I try to help her put into perspective what she is going through.
Lana feels that once they move, which may be in a few weeks, things will get better. She knows her children will be able to help out a lot more. Also, she plans on going back to work for a few flights each month. She said her work is what keeps her sane.
I hope in time, she can look back and know what an amazing job she did caring for her husband. This is such a difficult time for both of them and with encouragement and support, I have no doubt that they will make it through.
THE RULES
She always goes by the book.
She makes sure she understands the rules.
She wants to do everything just right.
It is the only way she knows.
The cancer has made him confused.
He’s weak and can no longer walk.
Agitation keeps him up at night.
Neither can get a good night’s sleep.
She has the patience of a saint with him.
She’s devoted and never complains.
She continues to expect a lot from herself,
even though she could use additional help.
He had her up all night long.
He kept trying to get out of bed.
She was so exhausted with nothing left.
She slapped his leg to make him stop.
She feels she did something terribly wrong,
although her intent was to keep him safe.
She feels others would not have broken the rule.
She has a hard time forgiving herself.
I pray someday she will look back
and see all the right things that she has done.
Maybe in time she’ll bend a few rules,
or better yet,
break a big one
without any regret.
Hank lives with his wife, “Lana”. Lana is a flight attendant for a major airline. She is using her Family Leave to stay home and care for Hank. Hank and Lana have three children all living about two hours away. Recently, they have put their home up for sale and are planning on moving to be closer to where the children all live. Lana could use the additional support the children will be able to give once they move.
Lana intellectualizes her emotions. She has this idea that there are steadfast, obscure rules that she needs to follow. She has high expectations of herself to be perfect and to not do anything wrong. She is doing an amazing job caring for Hank. Hank is very demanding of attention as he gets agitated and restless quite often. He keeps wanting to get out of bed and does not understand that he would likely fall and possibly injure himself.
Lana has been so exhausted recently due to lack of sleep as Hank keeps her up at night trying to get out of bed. In addition, she has the responsibility of getting their home ready for sale. Lana hates to ask for help and feels that she should be able to do it all.
Recently, in the middle of the night, Hank tried to bite Lana as she was attempting to keep him from getting out of bed. Lana slapped Hank on the leg to try to protect herself. She immediately felt terrible as she left a small bruise on his leg. Lana felt that she was suppose to tell someone about what she had done so she shared it with the hospice nurse. By law, the nurse was mandated to call APS (Adult Protective Services). APS quickly made an unannounced visit and spoke with Lana about the incident.
I followed up with a visit the following day. Lana and I have a good relationship as she is like a sponge whenever I counsel her on her emotions and grief or discuss the strains of being a caregiver. I try to help her put into perspective what she is going through.
Lana feels that once they move, which may be in a few weeks, things will get better. She knows her children will be able to help out a lot more. Also, she plans on going back to work for a few flights each month. She said her work is what keeps her sane.
I hope in time, she can look back and know what an amazing job she did caring for her husband. This is such a difficult time for both of them and with encouragement and support, I have no doubt that they will make it through.
THE RULES
She always goes by the book.
She makes sure she understands the rules.
She wants to do everything just right.
It is the only way she knows.
The cancer has made him confused.
He’s weak and can no longer walk.
Agitation keeps him up at night.
Neither can get a good night’s sleep.
She has the patience of a saint with him.
She’s devoted and never complains.
She continues to expect a lot from herself,
even though she could use additional help.
He had her up all night long.
He kept trying to get out of bed.
She was so exhausted with nothing left.
She slapped his leg to make him stop.
She feels she did something terribly wrong,
although her intent was to keep him safe.
She feels others would not have broken the rule.
She has a hard time forgiving herself.
I pray someday she will look back
and see all the right things that she has done.
Maybe in time she’ll bend a few rules,
or better yet,
break a big one
without any regret.
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