REALITY

Eighty-eight year old “Bob” suffers from end stage lung disease. He is also bed bound due to suffering a multitude of additional health problems. He has had moments of confusion, although recently his confusion has increased along with some additional paranoia. He is unable to ambulate so spends his days in a hospital bed in the family room.

Bob’s wife, “Annie”, whom he calls “Mother”, has been in and out of the hospital recently due to her own health issues. Currently she is in a skilled nursing facility receiving physical therapy from two broken hips. Bob and Annie’s son, “Chris”, has moved in to help out. Chris was recently laid off from his job and is on unemployment. Chris says that it is a blessing to not be working in order for him to be available to help his parents.

Chris met me at the front door when I went out to do a visit today. He shared that dad is more confused and paranoid this afternoon. I walked into the family room and Bob seemed anxious to talk with me. He complained that they didn’t let him get up to walk. He was very frustrated and would whisper so Chris wouldn’t hear our conversation.

The hospice nurse had a visit scheduled right after my visit and Bob asked that I stay until the nurse showed up. He appeared afraid to be left alone with his son. Chris is doing a fabulous job caring for his dad and takes all of his dad’s comments in stride.

While we were waiting for the nurse, Bob asked to use my pen. He started writing on a piece of paper that was lying nearby. He was gesturing for me not to show Chris. I told him I would read it after I leave.

When the nurse showed up, I updated him on the situation so he would be aware. I opened the note while sitting in my car in front of Bob’s house. The note said “Dear Mother. I am prisoner here, prisoner here”. I felt sad reading it as I knew this was Bob’s truth. There is nothing anyone can do to help him understand that Chris is a loving, attentive son.

Somehow I wonder why some people have to suffer so much, especially at the end of their life. There just is no answer. It is what it is. Bob is teaching us all to appreciate our physical and emotional health. Both are a gift and never to be taken lightly. I suppose we all need reminders now and then.


REALITY


He’s been sick for quite a while.
His decline is steady but slow.
He’s in bed all day long now.
He still thinks he can get up and walk.

He feels like he is a prisoner
where they are the ones in charge.
He feels he has lost all control of his life,
They tell him what to do.

His confusion has made him paranoid.
His reality has dramatically changed.
Why has his family turned on him?
He keeps trying to solicit help.

He is reacting to his reality,
He’s responding to his truth.
His world consists of imagined beliefs.
His fears are all too real.

No matter what is false.
No matter what is true.
He believes what he believes.
It will be like this until the end.

Trapped by his own reality.
He’ll continue to remain unaware.
Sadly his family can only stand by
with a reality of their own.