Sixty-nine year old "Joyce" was diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer five months ago. Since that time she has declined rapidly. Joyce is able to get around easily, but the decline is with her reasoning and understanding. Her cancer has spread throughout her brain leaving her angry and mistrustful of her family.
The family are Seventh Day Adventists and their faith has been a large part of their life. Joyce played the organ in the church and taught piano lessons. Her daughter, "Jill", says that mom played classics so beautifully. Joyce would compose her own pieces with ease. So much came easy to her. She excelled in most everything she attempted to do.
Jill lives about an hour away and tries to visit several times each week. Joyce's husband, "Louis", wants to care for his wife at home, but is aware that her behavior is getting to be more than he can manage.
The hospice nurse and I went out together to open Joyce to our hospice program. She was distrustful of the nurse and I. In addition, Joyce kept trying to tell us how her family is telling lies about her. Hopefully new medication will ease Joyce's paranoia.
The family's strong faith gives them strength. They believe that this is the devil's work and that they have to accept this fate.
DEVIL'S WORK
She was a gifted musician.
Gourmet cooking was her forte.
She excelled in everything she attempted to do.
Success was the name of the game.
Now she struggles to understand.
She wonders why her family has turned.
She believes they are out to get her,
not aware that the cancer has invaded her brain.
The cancer has stolen her understanding,
her trust and the love she once easily gave.
Now she is anxious, suspicious and scared.
Not much of her old self remains.
They have a strong faith in God.
Their faith has always pulled them through.
They feel this truly must be the devil's work.
There is no other way to explain.
They'll continue to care for her.
They'll continue to give her their love.
They'll pray and ask God for guidance,
while trying to comprehend the cruelty
of the devil's work.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
HISTORY BOOK
Eighty-eight year old "Ben" suffered from prostate cancer that had spread to his bones. His daughter, "Barbara", recently moved in to help as it was no longer safe for him to live alone. Ben was divorced years ago and Barbara was his only family. He had numerous friends as he was so outgoing and laughed so easily.
When I called Ben up to do my initial visit, he said, "You can only come if you bring a smile with you." The moment I walked into his apartment, he was sitting up in his recliner with a huge smile. He directed me to sit across from him and immediately started telling me stories about World War II and his years as a San Diego policeman. Ben would put a funny spin on some of the stories and just laugh. His laughter was very contagious and I would find myself laughing right along with him.
Barbara would add comments now and then as she had heard all of his stories many times over the years. She shared that he had been requested by the Veterans Administration to document his stories as World War II veteran numbers are decreasing as each year passes. Ben had always planned on doing that, but somehow never found the right time.
Ben was receptive to a hospice volunteer coming to help document his stories. Unfortunately that time never came as Ben died quietly three days later. I feel a great loss as I was looking forward to hearing more of his stories in the weeks ahead. He left an amazing legacy. I feel blessed to have met him, even though our time was brief.
ADDENDUM: I listened to my voice mail on the weekend and heard about Ben's death. It was then that I wrote the following poem. When I returned to the office two days later, I realized that is was not Ben that had died but another patient with a similar last name. Ben is alive and continues to tell his stories to family, friends and the hospice staff. A hospice volunteer is coming weekly to help document his amazing stories.
HISTORY BOOK
He was a walking history book.
He had many stories to share.
Iwo Jima, World War II,
thirty years as a beat cop.
He told of delivering four babies
during his years on street patrol.
He spoke of hitting the beaches
on foreign lands so long ago.
All of his stories were in his head.
Nothing written down on paper.
He planned on recording them some day,
but instead retold them again and again.
He loved an active audience.
He would rather talk than write.
He always thought he would have time
to have someone chronicle them all for him.
He passed away quietly yesterday morning.
All of his stories died along with him.
Pages of history have now been lost
relying on memories of what he said.
He was a walking history book
whose pages are now forever closed.
Important events one should never forget.
A remarkable legacy for one amazing man.
When I called Ben up to do my initial visit, he said, "You can only come if you bring a smile with you." The moment I walked into his apartment, he was sitting up in his recliner with a huge smile. He directed me to sit across from him and immediately started telling me stories about World War II and his years as a San Diego policeman. Ben would put a funny spin on some of the stories and just laugh. His laughter was very contagious and I would find myself laughing right along with him.
Barbara would add comments now and then as she had heard all of his stories many times over the years. She shared that he had been requested by the Veterans Administration to document his stories as World War II veteran numbers are decreasing as each year passes. Ben had always planned on doing that, but somehow never found the right time.
Ben was receptive to a hospice volunteer coming to help document his stories. Unfortunately that time never came as Ben died quietly three days later. I feel a great loss as I was looking forward to hearing more of his stories in the weeks ahead. He left an amazing legacy. I feel blessed to have met him, even though our time was brief.
ADDENDUM: I listened to my voice mail on the weekend and heard about Ben's death. It was then that I wrote the following poem. When I returned to the office two days later, I realized that is was not Ben that had died but another patient with a similar last name. Ben is alive and continues to tell his stories to family, friends and the hospice staff. A hospice volunteer is coming weekly to help document his amazing stories.
HISTORY BOOK
He was a walking history book.
He had many stories to share.
Iwo Jima, World War II,
thirty years as a beat cop.
He told of delivering four babies
during his years on street patrol.
He spoke of hitting the beaches
on foreign lands so long ago.
All of his stories were in his head.
Nothing written down on paper.
He planned on recording them some day,
but instead retold them again and again.
He loved an active audience.
He would rather talk than write.
He always thought he would have time
to have someone chronicle them all for him.
He passed away quietly yesterday morning.
All of his stories died along with him.
Pages of history have now been lost
relying on memories of what he said.
He was a walking history book
whose pages are now forever closed.
Important events one should never forget.
A remarkable legacy for one amazing man.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
EIGHT PENNIES
"Eleanor", eighty years old, was only on hospice for a few short days. She suffered from cancer and had a sudden decline right before the doctor referred her to hospice. When I went out to do my initial visit, Eleanor was actively dying. Her son, "Tom", daughter-in-law "Samantha" and daughter "Pam" were all holding vigil.
Meeting with them for the first time, I knew that they would be okay as they had tremendous love for each other. They laughed as they shared many wonderful stories about their mother. It was clear how special their mother was to them and to so many others.
Knowing that Eleanor was dying, I spent most of my visit educating them about the end of life process and what symptoms to expect. I also counseled them on grief, loss and strategies for processing that grief. I added that their mother will show them in a way that they will understand that she is okay. I shared many stories about how finding a copper penny is a message from a loved one that they are okay.
Part of my job as a hospice social worker is to call families after a death has occurred. My initial call is right after the death. I then make another call about a month later to check in with families. I called Pam about a month after her mom died. The minute she answered the phone she said that she had wanted to speak with me. She then shared the story about the pennies found in the home. It gave her and her brother peace believing they were from mom and that she is okay.
EIGHT PENNIES
I told them stories about copper pennies.
How loved ones often leave them around.
For us to find; to say hello.
To let us know they're doing fine.
They loved the stories; it gave them hope,
even though they knew she'd be all right.
Though it would be nice to hear from her
that she made it to the other side.
They went through her belongings.
Boxing, sorting, cleaning up.
Everything had a memory; a story to tell.
They reminisced about her life.
Her sister-in-law found a penny under the couch.
She couldn't wait to share.
Her brother found one in a dresser drawer.
Was it really her saying, "Hello"?
She was hoping to find one too,
but would there be any more?
Then she saw them.
They were hard to miss.
Six pennies just waiting for her to find.
The knew then that she was okay.
They could be no doubt.
Eight pennies scattered around the house
proved to them that she had crossed over
and that she was doing just fine.
Meeting with them for the first time, I knew that they would be okay as they had tremendous love for each other. They laughed as they shared many wonderful stories about their mother. It was clear how special their mother was to them and to so many others.
Knowing that Eleanor was dying, I spent most of my visit educating them about the end of life process and what symptoms to expect. I also counseled them on grief, loss and strategies for processing that grief. I added that their mother will show them in a way that they will understand that she is okay. I shared many stories about how finding a copper penny is a message from a loved one that they are okay.
Part of my job as a hospice social worker is to call families after a death has occurred. My initial call is right after the death. I then make another call about a month later to check in with families. I called Pam about a month after her mom died. The minute she answered the phone she said that she had wanted to speak with me. She then shared the story about the pennies found in the home. It gave her and her brother peace believing they were from mom and that she is okay.
EIGHT PENNIES
I told them stories about copper pennies.
How loved ones often leave them around.
For us to find; to say hello.
To let us know they're doing fine.
They loved the stories; it gave them hope,
even though they knew she'd be all right.
Though it would be nice to hear from her
that she made it to the other side.
They went through her belongings.
Boxing, sorting, cleaning up.
Everything had a memory; a story to tell.
They reminisced about her life.
Her sister-in-law found a penny under the couch.
She couldn't wait to share.
Her brother found one in a dresser drawer.
Was it really her saying, "Hello"?
She was hoping to find one too,
but would there be any more?
Then she saw them.
They were hard to miss.
Six pennies just waiting for her to find.
The knew then that she was okay.
They could be no doubt.
Eight pennies scattered around the house
proved to them that she had crossed over
and that she was doing just fine.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
AMAZING
"Kelli", thirty-four, has been on hospice for only three months. She suffers from small cell carcinoma that has spread throughout her body. Kelli lives with her husband, "Doug" and their six children ranging in age from three to twelve years.
The family lives in a small, three bedroom apartment. It can be chaotic at times, but somehow it all works. Kelli is very creative and organized about things. During my many visits, I have never seen things cluttered. It may get a bit noisy with everyone talking at once, but the love of the family spills over.
I am amazed by this couple as they are doing all the right things when talking to their children about Kelli's disease and dying. Doug is so attentive, patient and loving with Kelli, even though you know he is exhausted as Kelli is not able to do things to help any longer.
The family's faith is an integral part of their life. They have tremendous support from their religious community. Kelli and Doug pray daily to help get them through these tough times.
Kelli had been doing okay until recently when she started to decline. Within this past week, she has become bed bound, has stopped eating and is sleeping most all of the time. The hospice nurse predicts she has only a few days left to live.
About a week ago, Doug sat down with the children and told them that their mother will likely die within a few weeks. He asked me to come out to meet with all of them as he was worried about how they are coping.
I went out and spent time with each child. Each are coping what one would expect at their age levels, but more importantly each child knows they are loved. During the visit, I also spent time talking alone with Doug. He just amazes me with his calmness, patience and insight. He had high expectations for himself and felt he should be able to do it all alone. Recently, though, he has come to the conclusion that he needs help. He is now getting the needed help and support from his in-laws.
AMAZING
I was sad before I walked into their home.
I knew it was going to be hard.
So much love, so much loss,
although amazing all the same.
She was doing okay for a little while.
It lulled one into thinking it would always be.
But now the decline has come quickly
disrupting the family once again.
He'll be left to raise six children;
not one yet a teen.
A huge challenge for anyone,
but I know he'll be okay.
His strong faith will carry him.
He's handed things over to God.
His religious community is by his side.
He knows he's never alone.
He has an amazing family
with lots of love to share.
Everyone thinking of another
with moistened eyes of anguished tears.
He has the patience of a saint,
but berates himself if he gets mad.
But then he is able to sort things out
and come out a stronger man.
He is just amazing!
The family lives in a small, three bedroom apartment. It can be chaotic at times, but somehow it all works. Kelli is very creative and organized about things. During my many visits, I have never seen things cluttered. It may get a bit noisy with everyone talking at once, but the love of the family spills over.
I am amazed by this couple as they are doing all the right things when talking to their children about Kelli's disease and dying. Doug is so attentive, patient and loving with Kelli, even though you know he is exhausted as Kelli is not able to do things to help any longer.
The family's faith is an integral part of their life. They have tremendous support from their religious community. Kelli and Doug pray daily to help get them through these tough times.
Kelli had been doing okay until recently when she started to decline. Within this past week, she has become bed bound, has stopped eating and is sleeping most all of the time. The hospice nurse predicts she has only a few days left to live.
About a week ago, Doug sat down with the children and told them that their mother will likely die within a few weeks. He asked me to come out to meet with all of them as he was worried about how they are coping.
I went out and spent time with each child. Each are coping what one would expect at their age levels, but more importantly each child knows they are loved. During the visit, I also spent time talking alone with Doug. He just amazes me with his calmness, patience and insight. He had high expectations for himself and felt he should be able to do it all alone. Recently, though, he has come to the conclusion that he needs help. He is now getting the needed help and support from his in-laws.
AMAZING
I was sad before I walked into their home.
I knew it was going to be hard.
So much love, so much loss,
although amazing all the same.
She was doing okay for a little while.
It lulled one into thinking it would always be.
But now the decline has come quickly
disrupting the family once again.
He'll be left to raise six children;
not one yet a teen.
A huge challenge for anyone,
but I know he'll be okay.
His strong faith will carry him.
He's handed things over to God.
His religious community is by his side.
He knows he's never alone.
He has an amazing family
with lots of love to share.
Everyone thinking of another
with moistened eyes of anguished tears.
He has the patience of a saint,
but berates himself if he gets mad.
But then he is able to sort things out
and come out a stronger man.
He is just amazing!
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