DOUBLE TIME

40 year old "Tom" suffers from melanoma. He is married with three young children, all under eight years of age. Tom is from a very large family of whom many live nearby. There are many cousins for his children to play with in the neighborhood.

"Janet", Tom's wife, works out of the home, but is struggling with her work demands and her husband's increasing needs and decline. Janet has difficulty reaching out to her family and friends for support. She told me that her mother raised her and her siblings as a single mom and did it all. She felt she should be able to do the same. Tom has been up the past two nights and Janet has had little sleep.

Meeting with her today, we talked about the gift of receiving and how it is a benefit to all. I believe she finally understood and was receptive to having a hospice volunteer come weekly. While we were talking, Janet's mother called and asked if Janet wanted her to come over to help. When Janet hung up the phone, she came to me with a big smile and said, "I did the first step. I told her YES!:"

During my visit Tom, Janet and I talked about Tom's dying. Tom said he is tired and ready for it all to be over, but he doesn't want to let his family down. Janet said that Tom's mother tells him to keep fighting. Janet gave Tom permission to go when he is ready.

We spent time talking about how letting go is not giving up. We talked about why someone so young has to die. Tom paused for a moment and what he said triggered the following poem.



DOUBLE TIME


He has always been an upbeat person.
His cup, without exception, half full.
He prefers to focus on the positives in life.
It's what get's him through each of his days.

But now he is facing his biggest battle.
He's weak; he's tired; he's had enough.
He's fought hard, but now he is done,
although doesn't want to let his family down.

His wife says it's okay if he's done,
but his mom tells him to keep up the fight.
He's tired of being such a burden.
Each day takes an additional toll.

We talked about his dying.
We talked about his life.
We talked about how it's not giving up
when he knows it's time to just let go.

I told him his life's work must be done
for it all to end so soon.
He paused for a moment and then replied,
"I must be putting in double time".