WHY?

 The hospice nurse and I had two hospice admissions today.  “Randy”, was diagnosed just a few months ago with pancreatic cancer.  His strong faith helps him cope, but then reality will rise, and he will appropriately grieve.  He is only fifty-four years of age.  He shared that somehow, he feels cheated out of years.   

This afternoon we admitted, “Catherine”, who is one hundred and three years old.  She has dementia and has had a significant cognitive decline these past few months.  She is seeing more years than most of us ever will.  She is hard of hearing and has poor eyesight.  Her life is so limited that I wouldn’t be surprised if she, too, asked, “Why?  Why so many years?” 

Very few of us will likely know how we will react when given a terminal diagnosis.  There is no right or wrong way.  However one does feel is perfectly right for them.    It then makes me think, there is no right or wrong way.  Cope your way. 

WHY? 

 

We admitted two patients to hospice today. 

He will turn fifty-five in a few weeks; 

while next month she will be 104. 

Both, being terminal, I wouldn’t be surprised  

                    to hear each ask, “Why?” 

 

He was diagnosed only four months ago. 

Even after multiple chemotherapy attempts, 

his cancer has since doubled in size. 

He has chosen to stop all treatment; 

wanting; “quality of life, not more time.” 

 

He has a strong Christian faith. 

“With all my heart I trust in God.” 

But then, he has normal moments of grief as well; 

                    “Why is this happening to me?” 

 

She has had a rapid cognitive decline. 

These past few months have been hard. 

Many of us will never see one hundred and four; 

but then, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear her say as well, 

                    “Why is this happening to me”? 

 

His life will be less years than most; 

while she has had survived so much more. 

But then, there is no acceptable answer 

when hearing the simple question of 

                    “Why?” 

 

 

A LEADER

 “Dennis”, eighty-six, suffers from Congested Heart Failure.  He was recently hospitalized secondary to a lung infection leaving him short of breath.     Dennis has been married to his wife, “Liz” for over 64 years.  They have seven children; along with grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Most of the family live locally. 

 

When I first walked in to do the admission, I met with Liz and two of her sons at the kitchen table.  Liz had a great sarcastic sense of humor.  She loved to laugh and made me laugh a lot as well.  In addition, this family has a very strong Christian faith.  Their faith so helps them cope with Dennis’s health and decline. 

 

At the end of the visit, I went into the bedroom to meet Dennis.  He, like the rest of his family, had me with “Hello”.  He was so welcoming and embraced my presence.  He has accepted his situation, but, like most of us would likely do, had a lot of questions about how to manage it all.   

 

He spoke honestly about his emotions and grief.  He wanted to know what rules to follow.  There are no rules when grieving.  I shared with Dennis, “Feel what you need to feel.  It is called normal”.   

 

I am spiritually guided by my work.  Before I enter a home, I just let go and allow it to flow.  There are times when the words are not mine, but they are the perfect words to say.    I thank my gang up above daily.   

 

A LEADER 

He suffers from cardiac disease; 

leaving him weak and short of breath. 

He is eating less and sleeping more. 

He is now more comfortable in his bed. 

 

He has been married to his wife for 64 years. 

When asked her secret of a long marriage, 

she so assuredly stated, “It’s all about love. 

How you raise your kids; how you treat each other.” 

 

This is a very large, extended family. 

They have seven children, who all live nearby. 

Their strong faith and their humor 

embraces them all with love and support. 

 

At the end of my visit, I went to his bedroom to say “Hi”. 

Six of his family members were gathered around. 

His concern now is, “How can I help them? 

I am so helpless.  I don’t know what to do”. 

 

He was a high school English and History teacher. 

He has made such a difference to so many in this town; 

his family; his students; his friends and neighbors. 

“I have always been a leader throughout my life.” 

 

He struggled, like most of us would, being dependent. 

He did not like having no power or control over his life. 

He then spoke about his concern for all of them. 

His words, from his heart, were stated so perfectly. 

 

I am often guided spiritually from above; hence, 

“You have given each person in this room a gift. 

Your words were so heartfelt; so beautiful. 

Naturally, continue to be yourself.                  

You are still the master; the leader.

It’s who you are.”