LOGICAL

When someone is diagnosed with a terminal diagnosis, it quickly raises so many emotions.  So often I will hear someone say, “Why?”  There is truly no logical answer.   One often searches for answers when the diagnosis is new; but then, I am so amazed how so many patients accept their prognosis and diagnosis.  I hear a lot from patients, “It is what it is.” 

When it is personal, I too, flip quickly to wanting a logical answer, even though intellectually, I know there isn’t an answer.  It really is so random.  No one is being punished or blamed.  It truly just is.  That can often be hard to accept for so many of us; myself included.

LOGICAL 

 

Most of us are logical beings.

It’s such a common way to think.

When life hands us challenging events,

so many of us think logically.

 

We all will, and have experienced losses.

It is so often random with no logic.

We will search for answers as to why,

which likely there is no reasonable reply.

 

She just turned sixty a few months ago.

Four years ago, she heard, “Alzheimer’s”.

Her son has come to care for her.

She thinks he is her brother.

 

I spoke with him about the family dynamics.

He said that his mother is widowed.

His father struggled with diabetes.

He died rather quickly ten days ago.

 

Sadness embraced my soul.

This is so unfair; so cruel.

But then, no one is being punished;

it is, oh so, random; so, happenstance.

 

But then, “Why has this happened?

Give this poor family a break”.

Deep inside, I know there is no answer,

but then, I still want to simply know why.

 

Emotions and grief are powerful.

So clearly, the winner will never be;

                    logic.

 

  

CONNECTION

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Betty”, ninety years old to our program.  Only a moment after we walked into her home, she had us laughing with her humor.  Sarcastic humor makes me laugh so hard as you tease another on their strengths.  It is not hurtful at all.  

Betty did not look or act her age at all.  She was so young at heart.  She had a very realistic attitude about life, but with such a positive perception about life.  She focused on the good in her life.  We had each other laughing throughout the visit.  It always amazes me how many patients and families use humor to cope when dealing with a terminal diagnosis.  Humor so takes the edge off. 

I will never forget Betty.  We instantly connected.  A very special lady for sure.

CONNECTION 

 

She had me laughing

the moment we walked in.

Her presentation was so lighthearted

allowing her sarcastic humor to easily flow.

 

She turned ninety years old

just a few months ago;

not showing her age at all;

as was so young at heart.

 

This is her third bout with breast cancer.

“The chemotherapy is not working at all”.

She has no fears or concerns, saying,

“I’ll keep going until there is no more”.

 

She has been so healthy most all of her life.

Still independent with the majority of her needs.

She is on no medications at all, saying,

“I will take a Tylenol now and then”.

 

When asked about spirituality, she stated,

“I do pray, but I have a lot of questions to ask Him”.

It was then when I spoke about my out-of-body experience.

“Thank you for sharing.  I needed to hear that”.

 

We hugged tightly as I was saying goodbye.

I then added, “I wish I lived next door”;

as she replied, “You are so terrific!”

Although we were together only 90 minutes,

our connection is with me forevermore.

 

"TWAS AN ANGEL"

My husband, Bob, and I had spent three days in Los Angeles, helping celebrate our son’s birthday.  On day four, we left LA early to head to Monterey.  We had reservations for the next four days.  It has been years since we were in Monterey, and were excited to visit it again. 

We drove straight from Los Angeles to Monterey without stopping, which was not our usual routine as our route was so rural.  We checked into our hotel and walked the four blocks to Cannery Row.  It was then where I had a syncopal episode due to, finding out later, dehydration.  We were told multiple times, “It is 85 degrees.  We are in a heat wave”.  Living n the Sacramento area, 85 degrees is not a heat wave to us; so we thought it was a bit comical.  

I spent two nights in a Monterey hospital.  They ran every test imaginable.  I am so blessed as everything came back normal.  Upon being discharged, the nurse said, “This is the easiest discharge I have every done.  Just drink more water”.   Another reminder to count my blessings.

“TWAS AN ANGEL” 

 

We drove into Monterey

after a very long drive from L.A.

We made no stops and hadn’t eaten lunch,

                    “Let’s go eat an early dinner”.

 

We walked to Cannery Row and had our meal.

Feeling so exhausted after the long drive,

I had no energy to browse the shops,

“Let’s walk back to the hotel to rest”.

 

Halfway there, I became so dizzy.

He saw and grabbed me as I fell

safely guiding me to the ground

Next thing I knew, I was lying on my side.

 

It may have been a minute or two,

when I finally did awake.

He was on the phone calling 911.

“What the heck is going on?”

 

I slowly sat up and rested on a wall.

It was then I saw her sitting right beside me,

softly saying with such gentleness,

“I am a nurse.  It will be okay.”

 

It was so surreal; so quick.

“I am so dizzy and short of breath.”

Which then I heard her quietly say,

“Things are going to be alright”.

 

I became distracted hearing sirens.

The paramedics quickly there to give support.

I then focused on what was happening,

letting them help me with any needs.

 

I never got to tell her thank you;

to let her know how much she helped.

Her softness, her compassion; her kindness.                                        

Yes, she most surely was                                                                   

                    my angel.

 

  

PERSONAL JOURNEYS

Upon meeting this patient today, brought up a lot of questions about life to me.  Some folks go through life with so many challenges and unexpected events.  I have met folks who have suffered multiple losses in such a short time.  On the other hand, I have met others, who have longevity in their life. 

I have heard so many amazing stories; some heart wrenching; and others pure love and joy.  Life is about perspective I know.  I so believe that if one has a positive attitude, their life will present that way; on the other hand, negative attitudes may also present that way. 

 In the end, all we can do is our best.  I thank this patient and her family for teaching me today.

PERSONAL JOURNEYS

 

 We all live our life

the best way we know how.

We learn from experiences;

many that are good,

                    while some that are not.

 

What makes one’s life short;

while another’s extraordinarily long?

Are we guided by where we need to go;

                    or is life just happenstance?

 

Surprisingly, she is on no medication at all.

Her only health history is Alzheimer’s Disease.

One month ago, she was totally independent.

Amazingly, she turned 100 last Spring.

 

Four weeks ago, she had a major decline.

She has now become extremely weak.

Her legs are painful and swollen;

          no longer able to walk.

 

What allows her to live to an age

most of us will never see?

Her husband lived until he turned 94;

but then her three sons

have all preceded her in death.

 

We must never forget to grasp each moment;

to accept and learn from what comes our way;

as we all do definitely have

                     our own personal journey.

 

 

TAKE CARE

“Cindy”, seventy years old, was diagnosed with metastatic cancer just six weeks ago.  There is no cure, but treatment may help a little bit; although with side effects.  People die the way they live.  Cindy has always been so logical; so it is not surprising that her logical self is still in charge.

Her goal is to be comfortable without pain or nausea.  Hospice’s biggest gift is comfort care.  I strongly know that hospice will be able to give her comfort, so she can let go at her time.  Best of luck to you, Cindy.  Take care.

TAKE CARE

  

She just turned seventy this past summer.

She has lived a long and healthy life.

She never married and has no kids;

so always had to take care of herself.

 

She was told six weeks ago;

“Cancer, with no curable treatment”.

She called her best friend as needed support.

‘Help me take care of what needs to be done”.

 

She has always been very analytical; very logical;

so, it is not surprising how she is coping.

She chose to do the End-of-Life-Option-Act.

“I want this over as quickly as possible”.

 

She has no Durable Power of Attorney for health.

I gave her the form to complete while

educating her on the importance of having one.

She handed it to her friend, “Put this on our list”.

 

She has two cats and one playful dog.

She has already found homes for all three.

Heavy tears appeared while talking about them;

so strongly wanting to find the perfect homes.

 

She has always taken care of herself,

but now it is much more important to her

that all three of them

                    get taken care of too.