YES

I have done hospice work for over eighteen years.  The rewards of this work are amazing.  I meet so many wonderful patients and families.  Hospice’s philosophy is to allow the patient to do things their own unique way.  Dying is such an individual experience.  The large part of the Social Work role is to validate, normalize and paraphrase emotions, feelings and statements.  Hospice staff come with knowledge and support, but the most priceless give we bring is our caring hearts. 

Most of us easily see kindness and love that comes to us, but we, so often, do not recognize the love and kindness we hand out to another.  I am so honored to meet so many beautiful people.  Families know that I care, because my heart deepens upon meeting someone struggling with a terminal diagnosis. 

This family that I met today, has experienced so many losses in their life.  The patient, “Elisa”, eighty-one, had nine children.  Four of her children have preceded her in death.  Elisa, and herd family, have a very strong Christian faith that supports and guides them.  The patient’s surviving children all live nearby.  They are all so involved and supportive to their mother and so lovingly to each other. 

I received the gift of being present and witnessing such love.  The patient’s words about life were so beautiful.  That, along with the daughter’s kind words to me, so clearly is why I continue with my hospice work.  I tell others, “When this becomes work, then I will know to quit.”  Right now, is so strongly to me a YES to continue.  And that I will.

YES 

 

All of us cope so individually.

We follow our path as guided.

What is right for one of us,

may not work for another at all.

 

She is two months older than me;

making me aware of my life’s blessings;

as she has struggled with cancer

since her diagnosis just three years ago.

 

She has totally accepted it all;

her decline and her dependence.

She embraces the love that surrounds her,

thanking her family each and every day.

 

She denied any fears or concerns.

Her strong Christian faith helps her cope.

“If God gives me life, I will live.

If not, then there no longer is any support.”

 

Her daughter spoke of fears about death.

I counseled on loss and anticipatory grief.

I spoke about other family’s experiences;

including a few stories of my own.

 

Her reply gave me gracious tears.

“After talking with you today,

my fear of death is totally gone.

My mother’s spirit will always be around.”

 

These beautiful gifts always amaze me.

This patient taught me grace with total acceptance;

while her daughter, gave me deepest thanks for my words.

This is why I continue to do my special work.

             Yes, it truly is.

 

 

 

AT PEACE

“Drew”, forty-two, suffers from Lou Gehrig’s Disease.  Drew lives with his wife, “Nancy” and their two young sons; aged thirteen and eight.  Drew is now totally dependent with all of his needs.  He is paralyzed from the neck down and can only move his head.  Drew is alert & oriented and has totally accepted his situation and poor prognosis. 

When I walked into his home, I went up a few steps into the family room.  Drew was sitting there with his brother, “John”, who was visiting from out of state.  Drew gave me the biggest, most beautiful smile as I walked into the room.  One could feel the sincerest love he was giving with his greeting.  

Drew spoke very slowly and softly.  He was a bit hard to understand at times due to his muffled words.   John would lovingly translate.  The two brother’s humor showed up pretty quickly.  They would lovingly tease each other in such a fun way. 

What amazed me the most was Drew’s full acceptance of his situation.  He had no fears or concerns about his dying process or afterlife.  He was such a beautiful man.  I felt pure peace with him.  

On my way out of the home, I stopped and spoke with Drew’s eight year old son, “Mickey”.  I asked Mickey what he understood about what was happening to his dad.  Mickey said, “I know he is really sick.”  I then asked Mickey, “What do you do to take care of you?”  Mickey then loving said, “I bring water and a blanket to my dad.”  Mickey was only five when his father became ill.  It may likely be he does not remember his dad being healthy.  Mickey, like his father, has accepted his father’s illness in a natural way. 

This is an amazing family.  I believe I touched heaven in a small way today.  Thank you, Drew.

AT PEACE

 

He was living his dream life.

Running a business fixing motorbikes.

Racing motorcycles just for sport.

Life had handed him the best that could be.

 

Three years ago, his life dramatically changed

with a diagnosis of Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

Now, paralyzed from the neck down.

Able only to pivot his head.

 

He was sitting there quietly in a recliner,

but his non-verbal greeting embraced the room.

I was immediately captured by his beautiful smile.

His heart and soul brilliantly shined.

 

His voice was soft and difficult to hear

as he spoke very slowly with muffled words.

He securely continued on a steady pace

                with an infinite patience.

 

He denied any fears about afterlife.

“Death is not the end.

It might be a dream

               It might be a real dream.”

 

I felt I was in a sacred environment.

His grace; his acceptance; his love.

Heaven has already deeply touched him

as he is at peace;

               at total peace.

 

SPIRITUAL BELIEFS

I meet so many amazing people in my work at Hospice.  What I love the most with doing the admissions, is I get to hear wonderful stories and life legacies.  Most of us probably don’t think we have a story, as we feel we are just living our lives.  But; definitely, we all do have a story. 

We admitted, “Danny”, eighty=four years old, today to hospice.  Danny suffers from a cancer and had just recently finished with treatment.  His doctor told him this morning, that the treatment is no longer working and the cancer is slowly growing.  Two weeks ago, Danny had been living alone and managing his daily needs without much effort.  He took a fall two weeks ago and since that time is struggling with walking and managing his needs. 

Danny’s daughter, “Tina”, has moved in to help him.  When Tina told her father that hospice was coming this afternoon, he first rejected that idea.  Tina is becoming exhausted and spoke with her father about hiring attendant care.  That too, Danny strongly said “No!” 

I think Danny likely has been thinking about his no longer independent life.  He has been widowed fifteen years and has been living alone for all those years.  He has always cherished his independence.  The moment we walked in and started to explain the hospice program, Danny was so receptive.  He was receptive to hiring attendant care and to no longer pursue any treatment.  

Danny liked the support we gave to him, but more so loved our support to his daughter.  We always tell patients and families that they are the ones driving the train.  We do not come in and make rules.  I strongly encouraged patients and families to keep us informed about their needs. 

As we left, Danny thanked us so much for being there to give the support that is so needed.  Danny sees life pretty simple.  It is not complicated to him at all.  That works so well for him.  I wish he and his daughter the best.

SPIRITUAL BELIEFS 

 

I ask many questions when admitting to hospice.

“How are you sleeping; coping; any concerns?”

But by far, my favorite question of all is;

               “What are your spiritual beliefs?”

 

I hear amazing and varied answers

that so clearly identify one’s sacred belief.

We can’t prove our faith to be true,

but then, no one can ever prove it to be wrong.

 

Our spiritual beliefs give us strength.

It gives us purpose, a possible understanding.

It gives us some sense of the hereafter;

something to hold tight onto.

 

He had been living alone and managing,

but two weeks ago; all has changed.

Due to weakness, he can only walk a few steps.

He’s fallen twice no longer able to be left alone.

 

He identifies life in a straightforward manner.

It is not complicated at all to him.

When I asked him if he had any fears;

his answer, somehow, didn’t surprise me at all.

 

“I have no fears at all about afterlife.

I have outlived my shelf life.

You are born, you go to seed

          and that’s it”. 

 

Nothing more; nothing less.

His powerful spiritual beliefs

give him comfort; give him peace.

How can anyone say

                          he is wrong?

 

TEAM WORK

 “Tony”, sixty-seven, was diagnosed with his cancer two years ago.  He underwent treatment to no avail.  His cancer continued to grow and spread.  Tony lived with his daughter, “Annie”, who was his primary caregiver.  Annie was devoted to her father.  She put her life on hold to lovingly care for him. 

Tony has been a fighter during the course of his illness, but recently he came to terms with his poor prognosis.  Two days ago, he told his daughter and family, “I am ready to go.”  Annie said that her father sharing his true emotions, gives her peace.  The family then expressed that they have been talking about hospice for several weeks, but Tony wasn’t yet ready for that.  

Tony has stopped eating and is drinking very little.  His family sadly knows he is imminent with death likely in hours to only a few days at most.  Tony’s two-month-old granddaughter will be visiting tonight.  He has not yet seen or met her.  Their flight lands in a few hours.  His family is hoping he will hold on until after she arrives with her parents; his son and daughter-in-law. 

There were many extended family members present in the home.  The family is truly rallying around Tony.  I spent a few moments with Tony’s Mother, “Angela”.  Angela amazed me with her strong faith.  When I asked her how she is coping with all of this, she beautifully stated, “I have told God I am handing my son over to him.  Tony’s work is done here on Earth.”  

One could feel the love upon entering the home.  So often family members worry about what they need to do.  They want to do things right.  I told this family, “The best gift of all is unconditional love and all of you are sharing that gift with Tony and each other.  It doesn’t get any better than that.”   It is such a honor to have witnessed their pure love.  Life is truly not that complicated.  Who is in your life is the most precious gift of all.  

ADDENDUM:  Tony died peacefully eighteen hours after our visit.  He was able to meet his new granddaughter before he let go.    

TEAM WORK

 

He’s been ill for many months.

He’s kept fighting, hoping to get better.

Yesterday all that changed,

“I want to stay home. I am ready.”

 

He has stopped eating any solid food;

although is drinking water and a little tea.

He is bedridden with “zero strength”.

Likely only now has a day or two.

 

His brand-new granddaughter is coming.

Their flight lands early tonight.

They are hoping he is strong enough

to meet her before he lets go.

 

We completed a POLST.

A legal document stating no resuscitation.   

Don’t call 911, call hospice.

He wants to die naturally in comfort at home.

 

It needed a doctor’s signature to complete.

Five minutes back into the office, I had her sign it.

The hospice nurse called another co-worker for help.

He took the POLST quickly back out;

displaying it clearly on their refrigerator.

 

Our night nurse will visit later this evening;

giving additional support to the grieving family.

Hospice is all about comfort care, heart, compassion.

But truly, what makes it shine the brightest is

          Team Work.