PARK BENCH

The hospice nurse went out to admit, “John”, eighty-five to our hospice program.  John has cardiac disease and was recently diagnosed with COVID-19.  He had been in a nursing home which is where his caregiver/friend “Becky” believes he contracted the disease.  Due to the facility not allowing visitors because of the virus, Becky brought John home to her house. 

Becky’s daughter, “Alex”, lives nearby and helps our with caring for John.  Becky and Alex love him like a father/grandfather.  Becky shared that John had no family at all.  We talked about how Becky and Alex is strongly his family.  Family are those who love you. 

Becky and I met outside on her driveway.  There was this fantastic park bench.  It so looked like the ones that have been around for years.  It was in perfect shape and so comfortable to sit in.  It reminded me of those “good old days”.  There were two sports cars parked in the driveway.  Becky leaned against one while I sat on the bench. 

Becky started sharing stories about her family and John.  They were wonderful.  I could have listened to her all day.  In another world or another time, I know we would have been friends.  Becky and I had a lot in common.  Her humor made me laugh so easily.  We connected in such a wonderful way.  We totally understood each other.  

Being with her as a social worker, I have to remind myself that I am there to support her.  She had me so relaxed as she was so easy to be with.  Life is not that complicated as, in the end, it is all about love; what Becky and Alex had for John.  I was not there as a friend, but it sure was nice.

PARK BENCH

 

He is contagious with COVID-19;

so she and I met outside on her driveway.

She leaned against her black sports car,

while I sat on a genuine park bench.

 

She spoke about her elderly friend.

How he has no family at all anymore.

She moved him in as he needed help.

Their love as strong as a

         father and a daughter would be.

 

She started sharing his lifelong stories.

Wonderful memories between her family and him.

She embraced him with her descriptive words;

using humor and laughter to lighten the way.

 

She was so easy to be with.

I so enjoyed listening to what she had to say.

She lives only a half mile from me.

Not far from where I do my daily walk.

 

She sat down on the park bench next to me

while completing all the paperwork.

It was like we’ve been friends for years.

We connected in so many ways.

 

The park bench was so welcoming.

It was comforting and encircling me. 

In addition, her humor was so enjoyable.

It had us both giggling; not wanting to stop.

 

If we had met in any other way,

I so know, we would have become friends.

I can easily see us laughing and giggling

while sitting together on our favorite

         Park Bench.

 

A NICE GUY

 

I first met “Kevin” eighteen months ago.  Kevin is fifty-two years old and suffered from a rare neurological disease.  He lived in a small apartment a few blocks away from where his parents resided.  His parents are so loving and supportive to Kevin.  They wanted him to be able to be as independent as he safely could.  Mom and dad checked in on him daily and assisted him with any needs that did arise. 

Initially, I first met Kevin’s parents in their home to educate them about hospice and the support it gives.  Mom shared that she did not think her son would live more than a few months.  Here it is eighteen months later and he is still alive.  He has surprised us all. 

A few days after meeting up with Mom and Dad, the hospice nurse and I met Kevin in his apartment.  Mom and dad were also there to support their son.  Kevin smiles so easily.  He would try to talk, but he struggled so with trying to communicate.  He mumbled and his words were garbled.  His body language, although, was so beautiful and loving.  The hospice nurse was sneezing a bit because of allergies.  Kevin went into the kitchen and brought out a roll of paper towels and gave it to her.  It was so sweet.  

During the course of my work, I will, at times, share that the hospice patient’s disease is such a small, tiny piece of who they are.  They are so much more than their disease.  They are the funny thing they did on vacation, or the sweet thing they did on your birthday etc.  We all are our heart and our soul; not our disease.  God bless you Kevin.  You have given so much to others during your life.  Fly high in love and joy.  You so deserve that and so much more.

A NICE GUY

 

I first met him 18 months ago.

His mom and dad lived nearby,

but he was able to live in his apartment alone

with a little help from them each day.

 

He was diagnosed fifteen years ago

with a rare neurological disease.

They say one often is diagnosed

between the ages of 36 and 38.

       He was 37.

 

He can no longer speak

and is a bit wobbly on his feet;

but his smile comes so naturally.

He so easily is able to please.

 

One week ago, all that has changed.

He collapsed at home and was rushed to the ER.

They know his days are now few.

The optimal plan is nursing home placement.

 

The hospital has been trying to locate a facility.

Be it the virus; be it his young age,

they are struggling with finding one.

They keep hearing from each facility, “No beds”.

 

Amazingly, they found an available bed today.

He will be transported there tomorrow.

It is five hundred miles south of here.

His parents say they are relieved

that he now can get the proper care.

 

Somehow it seems he has been shortchanged.

He’s had a rough fifteen years,

but his positive attitude always shined through

letting all of us know, he is so much more than his disease.

He definitely is, and always will be remembered as,

             A nice guy.

 

QUARANTINE

 

Five days ago, Wednesday morning, I was getting ready to go to a patient’s home nearby to do a hospice admission.  At 10:25, five minutes before I planned on leaving, my boss called me and said that I was with a co-worker two days ago who now has COVID virus systems.  She shared that she could not tell me who the employee was due to confidentiality.  She instructed me to go directly home in quarantine for 14 days 

My hospice’s staff so diligently follow COVID precautions in our dress, manner and behavior.  As I was driving home, it felt so surreal.  I was about fifteen minutes away from the office when I figured out who I was working with two days prior.  I knew she was not working this day either.  I called her and didn’t even say “Hi”, but said, “How are you?”  She spoke about her symptoms openly.  I made sure she knew that I wasn’t told her name by management, but figured it out myself. 

She and I have been talking daily.  She feels so bad that she may have infected me.  I told her I probably would feel the same too if I were in her shoes, but strongly added, “It is not your fault.   You didn’t know.  You had no symptoms.”  I do not blame her at all.  She is a wonderful nurse and such an amazing person.  We work so well together.  

I texted her early this morning to say my test results were negative.  She wrote back that she felt so relieved; adding, “I may be back to work in four days”.  

I know she was worried about me as well as herself.  I did not realize how stressed I was until after I read my test results.  Relief was the emotion that totally embraced me.  I strongly believe that we all take our health for granted until we lose it.  Good health is such a precious gift.  I am strongly embracing that today. 

QUARANTINE

Seven days ago, I did two admissions;

back-to-back with the same nurse.

We followed COVID precautions faithfully;

washing hands; wearing masks; driving separately.

 

Five days ago, I headed home on quarantine

as six days ago, she developed symptoms.

Fourteen days in the home, not going out.

         Social isolation intensified. 

 

I never developed any symptoms myself.

Deep inside, I knew I was not infected,

while also knowing, one could have it

         and not even be aware.

 

I, so strongly, don’t want to become sick,

but it would be so much worse and horrifying;

unknowingly and without any intention on my part,

to afflict another with this dreadful disease.

 

I stayed home these past five days.

Only going out for my three-mile walks.

I did my hospice work over the telephone.

A connection and support, but not as rewarding.

 

I was so stressed and nervous yesterday

knowing I had the virus test scheduled for 2:45.

Eight hours later, I read what I so wanted to read.

         “Your test results are NEGATIVE”.

 

We all are struggling with this virus,

but beautifully it is strongly teaching all of us,

that the best thing we all have and strongly embrace

         is simply

                           Each Other.

CONDOLENCE CALLS

A day or two after a hospice death, the social work case manager will call the family to offer condolences and support.  Quite often when we have a patient that is only on our program for a few days, I make the condolence call if the assigned social worker has not yet visited the patient and family. 

Upon meeting a patient and family during my Admission Visit, I share that hospice’s number one gift is comfort care measures; adding that I have done hospice a long time and hospice staff are very good at it.  Comfort care being physical, emotional and spiritual care. 

“John”, sixty-nine, was on our hospice program for only three days.  He was only diagnosed with his cancer three months prior.  It had already spread to other parts of his body.  Two of his three children lived nearby and were very supportive and involved with caring for their parents. 

John’s wife, “Marilyn”, was anxious about knowing what to do.  John had been in the hospital for ten days and was being discharged home thirty minutes before our scheduled arrival.  Marilyn’s anxiety was valid as most all of us do not fully realize the demands of being a caregiver until we actually do it. 

I called Marilyn two days after John died.  The emotions of peace and comfort she expressed was so beautiful to hear.  She had amazing memories about her husband’s passing.  In the end, what is important is the love we have in our life.  John and his family all were validated by each other of the true love they have shared and will continue to share for always.

CONDOLENCE CALLS

 

Hospice doesn’t just stop

when a death occurs.

We follow up for 13 months

with counseling and support.

 

As a social worker, I make a

condolence call a few days later

to let the loved ones know we continue to care

with ongoing bereavement support.

 

Besides being available 24/7 each day,

hospice’s primary gift is comfort care.

During my condolence call conversations,

I hear the word “peaceful” most all of the time.

 

Her husband was on hospice only three days.

His decline was swift, catching them all off guard.

She so worried about not knowing what to do.

She wanted his passing to be just right.

 

I called her two days after he died

and heard her say, “I’m hanging in there.

My kids don’t want me to be alone.

My sister is staying with me.”

 

“My two kids were talking with him

just moments before he died.

He knew they were going to take care of me.

He then peacefully went to sleep.

I couldn’t of asked for anything more.”

 

She wanted his death to be tranquil.

She didn’t want him to suffer any more.

She was sad for him to go, but

happy it went so peaceful.

 

Now she too                                                                                                  

         is peaceful.                                                                                              

                  Forever more.

 

KEN'S LEGACY

My cousin’s husband, Ken, died suddenly two weeks ago while watching Monday night football.  He had a massive heart attack.  My cousin Judy and Ken were married 48 years.  Judy shared that dying so suddenly was probably the best way for Ken as he didn’t know what was happening.  Then adding, he was doing what he loved to do at the time; to be watching football. 

Ken embraced people and life.  He had such a positive attitude.  Ken so easily laughed so hard.  It was wonderful.  To me his legacy is his goodness and his laughter.  I have a strong feeling that if we asked those around us what they think their legacy would be, they may only focus on their accomplishments in life.  

In the end, it is our heart which is our legacy.  When our heart guides us, our soul shines through.  That is what people will remember.  There is that saying about how “They may not remember what you said or did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” 

Ken made me and everyone else around feel so positive and good.  What a beautiful legacy.  Ken, I so miss you, but your heart is inside of mine and everyone that you touched during your life here with us on Earth.  God bless you dearest Ken.

KEN’S LEGACY

We all perceive our significance

in what we do; what we have attained.

If asked what our legacy would be;

likely we all would totally miss the mark.

 

Ken’s Celebration of Life was on Zoom today.

It made us so want to be there in person.

Needing to hug; needing to share his stories;

knowing his true legacy would shine.

 

There was talk about his bib overalls;

about his river fish; his dazzling gemstones,

but the one thing that everyone did cherish

was how he always made them laugh.

 

Folks loved to be around him

as his positive energy just flowed.

He always would ask about how you were doing;

then share a story and whole-heartedly laugh.

 

It is not for his work why we will miss him

or for what he has accomplished.

It is his love for his family; his friends,

his optimistic personality and his laugh.

 

That is Ken’s legacy;

                  Extraordinaire.