BELIEFS

The hospice nurse and I went out today to admit, “Edward”, to our hospice program.  Edward is eighty-seven and was recently hospitalized for cardiac disease.  He has been in a recent decline to where he is bedridden, confused and dependent with all ADLs.    Ed lives with his daughter, “Brenda”, who is his primary caretaker. 

Brenda and I sat down in the living to talk about hospice support.  Part of the admission process is to ask patients and families about any spiritual beliefs.  I love asking this question as when one answers, I hear their strong beliefs which quite often gives them tremendous support.  I truly have confidence that we all do believe in what works for us.   For example, if you are an Atheist, that is your belief and spirituality that works for you.  I hear such a variety of answers, never two the same.  It is fascinating.  

Spirituality, no matter what anyone believes, is always such a tremendous inner belief that holds strong to all of us.  Brenda was no different on how her spirituality was so supportive to her.  Her words were so amazing to me.  Her simple statement was so profound.  Thank you Brenda, for those amazing words.

BELIEFS 

I ask a lot of questions upon meeting

new patients and their families.

My role is to help them cope;

support them through their journey.

 

My favorite question to ask is,

“Do you have any spiritual beliefs?”

Quite often I hear guilt as they confess,

“I don’t go to church anymore.”

 

I then typically will genuinely state,

“Religion is spiritual, but spirituality

is so much more than that.

It is what you strongly believe

that may have nothing to do with church”.

 

Her father came onto hospice today.

With his dementia, he cannot truly say

when she asks; “Are you okay with God?”

She has peace as he prays each night.

 

We all believe what works for us.

No one can say we are wrong.

It gives us hope; it gives us peace.

So perfectly, it is our truth; our support.

 

When I asked her about her beliefs;

she said she was spiritual but not religious.

Softy tapping her chest, she said,

“There is a Pilot Light in there”.

         I have hope.”

 

NO WORDS

 The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Irene”, to hospice.  Irene, sixty years old, was diagnosed years ago with cancer.  She had been doing fine until two months ago when she was told her cancer has spread.  Irene lives with her husband and two adult daughters.  Her family is so devoted and loving to her. 

In these past two months, with her cancer spreading, Irene was slowly becoming a bit weaker and needing more help.  All that dramatically changed yesterday when she could no longer walk as was so weak.  She no longer can say any words as does not have the energy.  Since yesterday, she is eating very little and sleeping so much more. 

It was amazing to me how beautifully Irene was able to communicate with her eyes, without saying a word.  So often we can miss how much people do talk with their eyes, as we get focused on their spoken words.  

I felt I connected with Irene, even though she did not say one word to me or to anyone.  She had the most beautiful eyes which glowed with expression.  She appeared to have totally accepted what is, but so wanted to know more about it.  I hope I was able to give her, at least, a small bit of what she so needed. 

NO WORDS 

Two months ago, her cancer spread.

It metastasized to her right lung and brain.

She has been in a slow decline since then,

but yesterday, quite abruptly, all has changed.

 

She is now so weak, she cannot walk.

She is either resting in her recliner or lying down.

Her energy is completely gone;

         no strength left to even speak.

 

She so respects her Asian culture.

She accepts their beliefs with undo grace.

She wants to learn; she wants to know

as her eyes strongly articulate her inner feelings.

 

Her eyes focused so steadily on me

as I was explaining hospice support.

Her family attempted to answer for her.

It was solely for her that they wanted to please.

 

The depth of her eyes wanted to know,

 but so sadly she could not say.

I saw love; I saw strength; I saw uncertainty

while no words were spoken at all,

but in her beautiful, sparkling, expressive

         brown eyes.

 

COVID-19

 “James”, ninety-two, was discharged home this afternoon after an eighteen hospital stay.  It was then that James was diagnosed with COVID-19.  James was widowed fourteen years ago.  He has been living alone since that time while managing well.   James had eight children; of which five live nearby.  His children visit frequently and are all so available to assist as needed. 

James had always loved his independence.  His daughter, “Laura”, shared that Dad has been in a slow decline this past year.  She said he was slowly becoming weaker and would get a bit confused at times.  His five children, who lived nearby, were in constant touch with each other.  They all were on the same page with their main goal being helping their dad as needed. 

The COVID-19 Virus struck quickly.  Dad’s decline has been swift.  Along with adjusting with this new diagnosis and new terminal status, the children are aware that dad’s time is very limited.  It was when the paramedics were wheeling dad into the home, that I saw Laura and her dad speak softly to each other.  Laura’s face was close to her father.  The softness of their voices was so touching.  I knew that I was witnessing “Unconditional Love,” the best gift of all. 

The next few weeks will be difficult for all, but with such strong love embracing this family, they will cope the way they all need to cope and will continue to support dad and each other.  It doesn’t get any better than that.

COVID-19

 His daughter spoke openly about her dad.

He’s been in a slow decline this past year.

He’s a bit weaker with some confusion at times,

but has been able to care for himself alone. 

All that changed eighteen days ago.

He was hospitalized with COVID-19.

It’s been tough on his ninety-two year old body.

He was discharged home today with comfort care.

 

He’s not eating or drinking very much.

He is now bedridden; unable to walk.

He needs twenty-four hour care.

His children are all rallying around.

 

Of his eight children; five live nearby.

Knowing he can no longer live alone,

they are all stepping up to help;

supporting him and each other as well.

 

They are all aware of the power of COVID-19.

Their sister died of it four weeks ago.

She lived miles away in another state,

but did have poor health for many years.

 

She hasn’t seen her father for eighteen days.

The hospital did not allow visitors.

As the paramedics wheeled him into the home,

she and her father spoke softly with love.

 

She turned toward us with tears saying,

“He was worried that I would be too cold

standing here outside without a hat.

He is as worried about me as I about him.”

 

She was concerned about caregiving tasks.

I said “Not to worry as she is giving him,

by far, the best gift of all.

In spite of COVID-19,

the winner will always

and forever more be

         Unconditional Love.”

HIS MOTHER

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Opal”, ninety-four, to hospice.  Opal suffers from kidney and heart disease.  She has been in a recent decline to where she is weaker and needing more assistance with her daily needs.  She has no appetite and is eating very little.  She has lost almost fifty pounds these past two months. 

Opal lives with her son, “Jackson”.  Jackson is her primary caregiver.  Jackson’s sister, “Elizabeth” has come from the Midwest to stay with her brother and mother for the duration.  Jackson and Elizabeth are very devoted to their mother and to each other.  Both are realistic regarding their mother’s terminal prognosis and decline.  Jackson and Elizabeth use a lot of humor to cope, but it is their strong Christian faith which helps all three of them. 

Jackson immediately welcomed us into his home.  He has such a positive outlook about life.  Yes, Jackson is sad about losing his mom, but he focuses on what he can do to help her.  That is what gives him joy.  Mom is having some difficulty swallowing and is eating a soft diet.  Jackson proudly showed the hospice nurse and I all of the protein drinks and flavored water he has purchased for his mother.  

Jackson’s father died when he was thirteen.  Jackson was holding a six-foot ladder while his father was standing on it doing work on their home’s roof.  Every time his father moved, so did the ladder.  Jackson kept telling his father to be careful.  At one point his father moved a bit too far and fell off the ladder and broke his leg.  It was then that Jackson said that we both knew he would not survive this fall.  An amazing insight for a young teenager.  

No matter what comes Jackson’s way, he will see it so spiritually and beautifully.  He feels God’s love through his faith and embraces that love.  Jackson will always put other first as it fills his cup so gracefully.  But for now, his focus and care will be on caring for his mother.  Jackson, I am so proud to have met you.  It has been an honor.  Thank you.

HIS MOTHER

The moment I first met him,

Somehow, I distinctively knew.

His huge heart embraced us all.

His focus totally on his Mother.

 

He spoke about her recent decline.

How he knows it won’t be long.

He wants to make sure she is comfortable.

He’ll lovingly do what needs to be done.

 

His father died when he was thirteen.

He fell off a ladder and broke his leg.

He told his son to take care of his mother.

To take care of his brothers and sisters too.

 

Somehow, they both knew

it would be the last time they would speak.

His father died a few days later.

A blood clot going to his heart.

 

He is the eleventh child of the twelve,

but he is the wisest of them all.

He lovingly takes care of his family

counting his blessings as he goes.

 

At the end of our visit, he told us more.

“I have bone cancer that has spread.

No current treatment because of the virus.

It’s okay as Mom now needs me first.”

 

He is amazing; so full of grace.

I truly know, and so deeply believe,

that he is one very special;

         one very sacred;

                       divine Angel.