CARE OF SELF

Ninety-seven year old, "George", was admitted to hospice today with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease. George has been in a recent decline to where he is weaker, eating less and sleeping more. He speaks only a few words at a time, but easily smiled when the hospice nurse and I walked into his bedroom.

George has hired caregivers, but his daughter, "Linda", is totally involved and supportive. She loves her father so much as is so attentive to him in such a kind and loving way. Linda was focused on wanting to know what support hospice would give. She asked detailed questions about medical equipment, medications etc. She so efficiently wrote down all of the information on a note pad. She wanted to do things just right.

Linda is a psychologist and is knowledgeable about Psychological theories and counseling tools to help her clients. Nevertheless, she is such a prime example of how difficult it is for any of us to handle things when it is so personal.

Self care is such an important tool for all of us to utilize, but so often we do not put ourselves first in order to initiate the self care that is so vital. I wish Linda the best and hopefully, with hospice on board, she will receive the counseling from our hospice staff that will help her through the grief and emotions associated with the loss of losing a loved one.

CARE OF SELF

　
She is a psychologist by trade.
She counsels clients on self care.
She helps them cope with life stressors
while teaching them ways to handle it all.

Her elderly father came onto hospice today.
He has been sick for many years.
He's getting weaker; needing so much help,
but will smile so easily while saying, "Hello".

She is focused on the tasks that need to be done.
"What about the hospital bed; what pills does he take?
I need to write all of this down.
         I have to get it straight."

When I asked how she was coping,
she struggled with something to say.
"My husband died suddenly two months ago.
I have attended one of your groups."

She wanted to fix things.
She wanted to know what to say.
She could not see how to put herself first;
how to utilize the tool of self care.

It is so different when it hits you personally.
All of your knowledge just fades away.
Your heart is broken and not easily fixed.
Stop the world a minute,
          I have to get off.

SIMPLE LIFE

I met with "Steve" today to admit him to our hospice program. Steve is fifty-one years old, but looks twenty years older secondary to his past history of drugs. He lives in his car which he parks in a parking lot near the local soup kitchen; where he gets three meals a day.

Steve has a cousin, "Ted", who lives nearby in a very small apartment with his family. Ted is very devoted and attentive to Steve. The two are very close. Steve has no other family, but has a very large network of friends, who visit him frequently in the parking lot. Steve says that is what helps him cope.

Steve has such a positive attitude about life as focuses on who is in his life and not what others may think he is missing. He totally accepts his life situation as tries not to think about his cancer diagnosis and poor prognosis. Steve's heart shines so brightly as he embraces the good in his life while trying not to think about his disease and how strongly it does impact his life.

In our society, wealth is measures by possessions and monetary value, but I truly believe Steve is a millionaire with all the love and support he receives from his cousin and so many friends. His beautiful smile loudly embraces all that he has


SIMPLE LIFE　

Upon first meeting him,
you know he's had it rough.
His clothes are dirty; he needs a shave.
Looking much older than his fifty-one years.

He admits to using drugs in the past.
That addiction closed so many accessible doors.
The only vice left for him is cigarettes.
Now cancer has invaded his bones.

He has such a positive attitude about life.
His spirit shines through his heart.
"I treat others how I want to be treated."
It doesn't get much simpler than that.

His income is so low, he cannot afford to rent.
He lives in his twenty-four year old car.
He parks it near the local Soup Kitchen
where he always will get a tasty hot meal.

He has many friends who stop by to say "Hello."
That's what helps him cope with life's misfortunes.
When talking about his cancer and his poor prognosis;
          "I try not to think much about it."

He smiles easily appreciating the positives in his life.
He focuses on what he has; his family; his friends.
He accepts living in his sedan with so few possessions.
After all, he also totally accepts and welcomes what he has;
          A Simple Life. 

I BELIEVE

In the past two days, I have done three hospice admissions with such similarity. All three were men near 80 years old. All three had strong spiritual beliefs about life and death. All had recent diagnoses of terminal status. All three men will likely die within the next month. I was in awe of how each of them accepted their fate with such spirit; such grace.

All were loving and appreciative of their family and friends that surrounded them. They each had such a positive look on life, while accepting their death. I was in awe and so amazed at how graciously each of them lived their life; using similar tools to help them cope so beautifully.

I feel honored to have witnessed such grace these past two days. Each of them has taught me about love and acceptance in an awesome way. Thank you to each of them.


I BELIEVE　

These past two days,
I have met three amazing men;
with similar backgrounds, similar beliefs.
All adjusting to a recent, poor prognosis.

His kidneys have failed; he says no to dialysis.
Without it, he only has a few short weeks.
He is very practical; he's realistic.
He knows what he is facing next.

"I'm now waiting for my time to come.
I've tried to live a clean life.
I read my bible twice each day.
          I believe in it!"

My next patient's lungs are fading fast.
His wife sees his daily decline.
He is getting weaker; needing more help.
He doesn't have much time.

He has accepted what is to come.
"The end is closer than it was.
I am resigned to it.
          I believe in God!"

My third patient was diagnosed two days ago.
There is no treatment; no cure.
He was given only a few weeks more.
Family says, "He is at peace about going."

All have such strong spiritual responses
while seeing life as a gift to embrace.
Acceptance, love, appreciation of what is;
acknowledging that their work is now done
          as all three graciously and strongly believe.

BROTHERS

"Matt", who suffered from lung cancer, had been in the Intensive Care Unit for over a week. We received a referral to meet with Matt and his brother, "Timothy", at the hospital.

Matt lived with his brother. The plan was to discharge Matt home the next day. Matt had not eaten for five days and was drinking very little. Timothy knew his brother didn't have much longer to live and he knew his brother would want to be at home.

The hospice nurse and I walked into Matt's ICU room. We saw Timothy sitting next to Matt holding his hand. Timothy's face showed pure love for his brother. What struck me so beautifully was that, in the end, the important thing is not what is in your life, but whom. Timothy's love for his brother was so pure and beautiful. In the end, that is truly the most precious gift of all.


BROTHERS　

We quietly walked into his ICU room.
His brother was sitting by his side.
He, sound asleep in the hospital bed,
while his brother so gently holding his hand.

It was so calm; so beautiful.
The love between them magnificently glowed.
Unconditional love embraced the two.
He trying to hold on before saying goodbye.

There is no other family but an uncle or two.
Both elderly and unable to come.
His brother has been sick for so many years.
He alone; always focusing on his brother's care.

He stopped eating five days ago.
We knew he didn't have long.
His brother wanted to bring him home;
to die in peace in his own room.

He died a few hours after we left.
He never did make it home.
But he was surrounded by his brother's love;
he knew it was his time to go.

I hope his grief is manageable.
I hope he reaches out for support.
It is such a huge loss losing someone so close,
but I truly believe that they will
          always and forevermore never stop
                   being brothers.