SELF CARE

Helping out our Bereavement Department today, I made multiple calls to family members who lost a loved one last year. I called, “Christine” this morning to check in on how she was coping and if she needed any support from our Bereavement Department. Christine was in good spirits while she spoke about this past year since her father died on our hospice program.

She used a lot of humor which kept both of us laughing. What impressed me the most, though, was at how good she was at taking care of herself. By doing so, she was in a much better position to care for her mother. It was wonderful to hear. Because of her self care, her coping is a bit easier, although there may always be an occasional down time for her..

She is a perfect example of how to continue to care for another while also caring for ones self.


SELF CARE　

So often, when caring for another,
we often neglect ourselves.
Our focus is on what the patient requires
and what else is there to be done.

She was the caregiver for her father
as his disease slowly won the race.
He died almost one year ago;
now she's caring for her mom.

Mom has Alzheimer’s Disease.
She doesn't realize he is gone.
As her confusion progresses,
          so do her needs.

When asked how Mom is coping,
she'll lessen her stress using humor;
answering while laughing all the while,
          "She's as ornery as can be!"

To give her much needed down time,
she’s hired attendant care to watch over mom.
”So while taking care of mom,
          I can also take care of me.”

I am impressed at how she is managing things.
She’s following what she knows her mother would say,
“Take care of yourself sweet daughter,
          so we both will be okay.”

When it comes to her children,
this mother instinctively knows.
I've no doubt she’ll continue to speak
the universal language of
          Self Care. 

MORE THAN

We met, "John", and his daughter, "Ellie" five days ago at the nearby hospital Emergency Room. John had been brought to the hospital hours before due to collapsing at home. John lives with his daughter Ellie. Prior, John had been independent and able to handle all of his personal needs.

John was in a deep sleep with heavy breathing when the hospice nurse and I walked in. Ellie had been informed by the physician that John likely had cancer. John's wife had died six years ago from cancer. It was at that time, John had discussed his medical wishes with his daughter. Ellie strongly felt that her father would not want any invasive treatment. She knows his wishes were to remain at home.

As I do with hospice admissions, I explain our program and have the patient or the family sign the admission paperwork. Ellie felt relieved as she felt reassured from the nurse and I that we could fulfill her father's wish to return home.

Thirty-six hours later, John died with family at the bedside. I called Ellie today to offer condolences and to educate her about our bereavement follow up support. It was then that Ellie spoke from her heart to me. Tears flowed as I felt so honored and humbled by her words. It is such a perfect example of why I continue to do this amazing work. Ellie said, "I will never forget you." Well Ellie, I so feel the same. Your gift to me was so outstanding and profound. I so humbly thank you.


MORE THAN

We met them in the Emergency Room.
His sudden decline undiagnosed.
We walked in to offer support.
Father and daughter alone in the room.

He was in a deep sleep.
She standing concerned by his side.
Her only focus was to bring him home.
She didn't need any more than that.

I softly spoke about the hospice benefit
while explaining the admission process.
"Not too worry; we will get him home
with our twenty-four hour support."

He made it home that afternoon;
but in thirty-six hours he was gone.
I called her today to offer condolences
and to validate all that she had done.

"For a reason you entered my life
          at exactly the right time.
You held my hand while giving me comfort.
You are so good at what you do.
I will never, ever forget you."

"I am so grateful we could bring him home.
I was holding his hand during his final breath
while his favorite chants were playing.
It was so peaceful; so amazingly peaceful."

With heartfelt gratitude; I said "Thank you",
with no other words to truly express.
This is such a perfect example of why I do this work.
It is so much more rewarding than
          a thousand fold return.
 

SO MANY LOSSES

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Lilly", eighty-one, to our hospice program. Lilly was just diagnosed with Lung Cancer one week ago. The doctors offered chemotherapy and radiation for treatment, but Lilly refused as she was also told her cancer was in the later stages.

Lilly easily verbalized her thoughts about life. She was so honest about everything. She totally lived her life her way. I so respected her as she embraced her life in such a positive way stating, "I have always had a positive look on life." Lilly's husband died many years ago of cancer. Her two children both died within the past five years also of cancer. I shared how losing one's child is so out of order. No parent should ever have to attend a child's funeral. It was then she shared so tenderly her amazing thoughts.

Lilly had a sense of humor along with also wanting to be in total charge of her life. Her granddaughter moved in to help care for her. Her granddaughter did inherit Grandma's genes as she, too, had strong, but beautiful thoughts and opinions.

I so admired Lilly for embracing each day of her life no matter what. She is such an accepting soul. She embraces her life while making decisions about what is best about it all. I told Lilly, "Keep being yourself. You do Lilly best." She is an amazing soul. I feel honored to have met her. What an inspiration!


SO MANY LOSSES　

She was just diagnosed one week ago.
Chemo and radiation were offered,
but her cancer is critical and has spread
so she has chose to go home on hospice.

She wants no treatment or tests,
but wishes for what quality of life she has left.
She looks at her life with positive eyes.
She has totally accepted her terminal fate.

I asked her about any fears or concerns.
"I am used to having cancer around me as
it has fully engulfed my family.
My husband and two kids are already gone."

"I have strong beliefs in God and his heaven.
I know we will all be together again one day.
I am okay for now for them to be gone.
I wouldn't want them back here to suffer."

She has an amazing spirit.
She honestly spoke her truth to us.
She has lived her life so wonderfully her way.
I strongly believe, without any doubt,
          her dying will be the same.

A BAD DAY

My next door neighbor, ""Debbie", lost her husband to cancer four months ago. He died six weeks after his diagnosis of cancer. Debbie is a very organized and structured person. She looks at what needs to be done and moves forward completing those tasks. She is very open and honest with her feelings as well. She knows grief is difficult and she will have moments that will be hard for her. She does reach out often and will ask her friends, family and neighbors for what she needs.

There is a water reserve located over our back fences. We have had tremendous storms over the years and have never been threatened by that water. That all changed a week ago as a horrific storm came through. There is a water runoff on the other side of our home that water was gushing out onto our front street flooding everywhere. Water was rushing in our backyard heading to the side of our house. Fortunately we had a trench along the side of our fence which kept us from getting flooded.

Debbie's home and the two homes next to her on the other side were all flooded. All three homeowners are now in the process of ripping out carpets etc. Speaking with Debbie about her situation, she will express the difficulties and how tired she is. Speaking with her earlier today, she said, "I hear people complain about having a bad day. I just smile and realize that it isn't a bad day at all." My heart knows that Debbie has experienced a bad day four months ago and knows she will get through the next days and weeks doing flood repairs. She shared, "Life is all about perspective." Yes, Debbie, you are so right.


A BAD DAY　

Four months ago her husband died
after being diagnosed only six weeks before.
He struggled and fought to no avail,
dying peacefully one night in her arms.

She grieves recalling that bad day
trying to cope with it all.
She has excellent support from family and friends,
accompanied by deep and insufferable pain.

One week ago her house flooded
after a horrific and dreadful thunder storm.
She is now in the process of cleaning things out;
completely removing all that was once kept downstairs.

She'll need new carpets; she'll need new floors.
Cabinets in the kitchen will have to be removed.
Sheetrock will be cut to replace with brand new.
Plastering and painting galore.

After all she's been through, she'll still truthfully say;
"Grief is so compelling as I think of him every day,
but being flooded out with so much to do
          doesn't even come close
                   to being a bad day."