“Wes”, eighty-seven, has been in a nursing home for several weeks suffering from lung disease. Due to weakness, Wes needs a lot of help with his daily activities. The hospice nurse and I met up with Wes and his wife, “Helen”, at the nursing home. They wanted information about hospice and the support that is available.
Wes’s eighty-eighth birthday is next week. The plan is to discharge him home on that day. The one concern was if Helen could care safely for him. Helen was a very young eighty-two year old. She had a strong personality and would do whatever she had to do to make sure Wes’s needs were met.
She planned on hiring daily attendant care for several hours each morning and each night. Helen had such a strong personality with a lot of humor. She was direct and to the point. Wes was very weak and didn’t say much, but when Helen’s humorous statements came out, he would look at her with such love.
The two of them were the perfect example of unconditional love. They so displayed that at the end of life, it is who’s in your life, not what. The hospice nurse and I will be going back next week to admit Wes to our program. I am looking forward to meeting up with the two of them again.
ADDENDUM: Wes was discharged home on his 88th birthday. He was so happy to be home on his special day. We, too, were very happy that he made it home.
TO GO HOME
They both are in their eighties.
He's been sick for quite a while.
The nursing home is okay but,
he just wants to go home.
They've been together only twelve years.
This is the second marriage for both.
They were previously married to cousins.
Both widowed before they hooked up.
She says she's known him for years.
She didn't much like him back then.
Gesturing, "He had a beer in one hand,
while holding a cigarette in the other."
He smiled so deeply hearing those words.
They both laughed remembering past times.
Facing each other with love in their eyes.
It was nothing short of unconditional love.
She is determined to bring him home,
knowing he needs a lot of help.
She tells us all will be okay,
"I am a country girl. I am tough!"
His birthday is next week.
That same day, he will return home.
I asked him, "What do you wish for your birthday."
With a huge smile, he replied,
"I just want to go home."
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Sunday, December 24, 2017
A NIGHTMARE
"Rita", eighty six, has been residing in a nursing home for almost six years. She suffers from Alzheimer's Disease. Two weeks ago she was able to walk around using her walker. Rita's daughter, "Jennie", was visiting daily to feed mom lunch. Rita has had a rapid decline these past two weeks to where now she is unresponsive and in a deep sleep.
This family has had multiple losses over the past eighteen months. In addition, just last week, Jennie found out that her husband has cancer. Jennie is torn between being with her mom while being supportive to her husband.
Jennie is able to use humor to cope. It is what gets her through each day. Whenever I hear about someone with so many stressors in such a short period of time, it always makes me ask, "Why?" There really is no logical answer. Rita is not being punished. There is nothing she has done to make this happen. It is just so random.
Death or loss any time of the year is so difficult, but somehow it all seems a bit sadder during this time of year; the Christmas holiday season. We are all logical beings and want a logical answer. I know there is no answer but, someday, I still would like to know.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. Never forget to count all of your blessings.
A NIGHTMARE
These past eighteen months
have been a nightmare for her.
She lost her father, her sister,
her mother-in-law and one close friend.
Now, her mother is imminent
after a rapid two week decline.
She likely has only hours to days.
It is happening way too fast.
She's been visiting mom daily for weeks.
She comes over to feed her lunch.
Now mom is not eating much at all.
Her eyes are closed; she is in a deep sleep.
She feels guilty not being home with her husband.
They were just told he has cancer.
She is such a strong advocate for mom,
but who is going to be there for her?
These cases always bring up the same questions to me.
Questions with no answer at all.
Why is so much happening to her?
What is this nightmare
all about?
I would truly love to know
what to answer with certainty
when asked such a simple question
But the hardest part of all is
likely,
there is no answer.
This family has had multiple losses over the past eighteen months. In addition, just last week, Jennie found out that her husband has cancer. Jennie is torn between being with her mom while being supportive to her husband.
Jennie is able to use humor to cope. It is what gets her through each day. Whenever I hear about someone with so many stressors in such a short period of time, it always makes me ask, "Why?" There really is no logical answer. Rita is not being punished. There is nothing she has done to make this happen. It is just so random.
Death or loss any time of the year is so difficult, but somehow it all seems a bit sadder during this time of year; the Christmas holiday season. We are all logical beings and want a logical answer. I know there is no answer but, someday, I still would like to know.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. Never forget to count all of your blessings.
A NIGHTMARE
These past eighteen months
have been a nightmare for her.
She lost her father, her sister,
her mother-in-law and one close friend.
Now, her mother is imminent
after a rapid two week decline.
She likely has only hours to days.
It is happening way too fast.
She's been visiting mom daily for weeks.
She comes over to feed her lunch.
Now mom is not eating much at all.
Her eyes are closed; she is in a deep sleep.
She feels guilty not being home with her husband.
They were just told he has cancer.
She is such a strong advocate for mom,
but who is going to be there for her?
These cases always bring up the same questions to me.
Questions with no answer at all.
Why is so much happening to her?
What is this nightmare
all about?
I would truly love to know
what to answer with certainty
when asked such a simple question
But the hardest part of all is
likely,
there is no answer.
Sunday, December 10, 2017
TWENTY-FOUR
We admitted, "Chris", fifty-four, to our hospice program today. Chris was diagnosed with cancer six months ago. It was then that the doctors informed Chris that his cancer had already spread to his bones. Chris's daughter, "Myra" is his primary caregiver. Myra is an old soul. She is wise beyond her twenty-four years. Myra's total focus is on her father. She was appropriately tearful throughout our visit.
Myra's parents divorced when she was young. Myra moved South with her father, while her younger sister stayed with her mom. Myra and her father recently moved up north to be near her mother and sister to get the needed support. Myra spoke of her worries about her sister and her mother. Myra never once put the focus on herself as she was caring for everyone else.
This is an amazing family. Chris taught his daughter so well about life, family, responsibility and love. Myra blew me away by her maturity. She is planning on attending a local college next semester. I told Myra that her father is so proud of her.
Being such an amazing learner, I know Myra is learning lessons that she will use throughout her life. She has an amazing heart and such a spiritual soul.
TWENTY-FOUR
Her younger sister went with mom,
while her dad raised her alone.
The two of them have been close.
He teaching her all about
life, family, values and love.
He got sick six months ago.
His cancer had already spread.
They moved up north to get the support
of her mom and teenage sister.
His decline was extremely rapid
as he can no longer be alone.
A week ago he was walking and doing life.
Now he just sleeps; not eating much at all.
She worries about her sister.
She is concerned about her mom.
Her primary emotion though, is on her father,
"I thought we'd have more time."
She is the matriarch of her tiny family.
She is wise beyond her years.
She will get through these heartbreaking days
as she is twenty-four
going on forty-four.
Myra's parents divorced when she was young. Myra moved South with her father, while her younger sister stayed with her mom. Myra and her father recently moved up north to be near her mother and sister to get the needed support. Myra spoke of her worries about her sister and her mother. Myra never once put the focus on herself as she was caring for everyone else.
This is an amazing family. Chris taught his daughter so well about life, family, responsibility and love. Myra blew me away by her maturity. She is planning on attending a local college next semester. I told Myra that her father is so proud of her.
Being such an amazing learner, I know Myra is learning lessons that she will use throughout her life. She has an amazing heart and such a spiritual soul.
TWENTY-FOUR
Her younger sister went with mom,
while her dad raised her alone.
The two of them have been close.
He teaching her all about
life, family, values and love.
He got sick six months ago.
His cancer had already spread.
They moved up north to get the support
of her mom and teenage sister.
His decline was extremely rapid
as he can no longer be alone.
A week ago he was walking and doing life.
Now he just sleeps; not eating much at all.
She worries about her sister.
She is concerned about her mom.
Her primary emotion though, is on her father,
"I thought we'd have more time."
She is the matriarch of her tiny family.
She is wise beyond her years.
She will get through these heartbreaking days
as she is twenty-four
going on forty-four.
Saturday, December 2, 2017
GOOSEBUMPS
The hospice nurse and I admitted, “Betty”, to hospice today. Betty had been in the hospital for almost a week receiving treatment for her cancer. The doctors told Betty about a new treatment plan, but Betty said, “I want to go home to die. I am done.”
Betty lives with her husband, “Walter”, who is her primary caretaker. Walter has some health issues himself and does need additional help in caring for Betty. Walter has hired full time caregivers. Walter and Betty’s two daughters both live about sixty miles away and will be rotating weekends to help out their parents.
Both daughters were very open and realistic regarding their mother’s poor prognosis and terminal status. The youngest daughter, “Mary Ann”, easily verbalized her emotions, stress and grief. A big part of the social work role is to validate and paraphrase what someone is saying. It is called Active Listening. It is so supportive to the one talking as it normalizes their thoughts. In addition, it is building up a relationship whereby patients or family members will know it is safe to express honest feelings.
We were all in Betty’s bedroom during the visit. When I was ready to leave, Mary Ann said that she would walk me to the front door. Mary Ann and I then spent another fifteen minutes talking. We both felt that we were meant to meet today. I feel we were drawn together by spiritual vibes from above. These type of moments always give me goose bumps, which is so wonderful, humbling and amazing.
GOOSEBUMPS
It happens now and then.
You meet up with someone
with whom you totally connect;
you completely understand.
She started talking the moment we walked in.
Sharing her emotions; sharing her stress.
Needing to care for her mother;
knowing how much it is helping her dad.
At the end of our visit,
she walked me to the front door.
She talked for another fifteen minutes
while I validated and understood her beliefs.
She told me about her out-of-body experience
while I, then too, shared mine.
Neither quite finding the words to explain,
but both understanding from deep inside.
Coincidences are from above.
Spirituality at its best.
I feel so honored, I get goose bumps
whenever I experience mystical moments.
She felt goose bumps too
as meeting me made them arise.
She said, “We were meant to meet today,”
while I replied, “I feel it too.”
Goosebumps.
Betty lives with her husband, “Walter”, who is her primary caretaker. Walter has some health issues himself and does need additional help in caring for Betty. Walter has hired full time caregivers. Walter and Betty’s two daughters both live about sixty miles away and will be rotating weekends to help out their parents.
Both daughters were very open and realistic regarding their mother’s poor prognosis and terminal status. The youngest daughter, “Mary Ann”, easily verbalized her emotions, stress and grief. A big part of the social work role is to validate and paraphrase what someone is saying. It is called Active Listening. It is so supportive to the one talking as it normalizes their thoughts. In addition, it is building up a relationship whereby patients or family members will know it is safe to express honest feelings.
We were all in Betty’s bedroom during the visit. When I was ready to leave, Mary Ann said that she would walk me to the front door. Mary Ann and I then spent another fifteen minutes talking. We both felt that we were meant to meet today. I feel we were drawn together by spiritual vibes from above. These type of moments always give me goose bumps, which is so wonderful, humbling and amazing.
GOOSEBUMPS
It happens now and then.
You meet up with someone
with whom you totally connect;
you completely understand.
She started talking the moment we walked in.
Sharing her emotions; sharing her stress.
Needing to care for her mother;
knowing how much it is helping her dad.
At the end of our visit,
she walked me to the front door.
She talked for another fifteen minutes
while I validated and understood her beliefs.
She told me about her out-of-body experience
while I, then too, shared mine.
Neither quite finding the words to explain,
but both understanding from deep inside.
Coincidences are from above.
Spirituality at its best.
I feel so honored, I get goose bumps
whenever I experience mystical moments.
She felt goose bumps too
as meeting me made them arise.
She said, “We were meant to meet today,”
while I replied, “I feel it too.”
Goosebumps.
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