Sixty-six year old, “Diane” suffers from colon cancer that has spread to her bones. Diane is divorced and had been living in Connecticut, where she grew up. Her only family is her brother, “Hank”, who lives in California. Diane moved to California several months ago to be near her brother, who is her primary support.
Diane has moved into a Residential Care Facility, which offers the twenty-four care that she needs. Shortly after Diane moved to California, she broke her hip. The cancer has spread to her bones, making them weak. Diane went through some physical therapy and was slowly getting stronger. A few weeks ago, she took a fall and fractured her left arm. Since that time, Diane spends her days in a wheelchair.
Meeting with Diane for the first time today, she had us laughing so easily with her wit and sarcastic humor. She is so easy going and accepting of what is happening to her. She has had so many dramatic changes these past few months. Diane just takes things in stride. She doesn’t look at what she has lost, but what she has.
Diane and Hank have a wonderful, close relationship. They spoke about what a small family they are and how special each is to the other. One can easily see it through their interaction with each other.
Diane easily spoke about her dying and her wishes to donate her body to science. Things were so matter-of-fact to her. Diane accepts each challenge that comes her way with such grace. She is an amazing role model to us all.
RESIGNED
She has resigned herself to her fate.
She’s adjusted to all the changes.
She is realistic about how things are;
knowing she’s in a decline.
Moving from one coast to the other.
Leaving behind her friends and her home.
Needing to be closer to her brother.
She takes it all in stride.
Her bones are weakened from the cancer.
She’s fractured her hip and now her arm;
both limiting her abilities profoundly.
Dependent upon so many throughout her days.
She talks quite openly about the changes.
She knows things are only to get worse.
She has no fears and just goes along;
wanting you to do the same.
She has always used humor to cope.
She’ll tease; she’ll laugh; she’ll share a joke.
“This is just the way things are.”
Looking forward to one more day.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Saturday, September 20, 2014
PAIN
“Randy”, fifty-eight, suffers from lung cancer. His cancer has now spread to his bones causing him tremendous pain. Randy lives with his sister, “Pamela” , who is his primary caretaker. Randy’s brother, “Bill”, lives nearby and is also very involved. The three siblings are very close and supportive to each other.
Randy’s pain started to increase several days ago. Pamela called his doctor, who changed the medication, to no avail. Randy’s pain continued to where he was not sleeping at night, keeping Pamela up as well. All were so tired and frustrated. Pamela felt so guilty not being able to do anything for her brother. She was frustrated by his doctor as the changes in the medication was not helping. Things were getting worse. Pamela then called hospice for help.
Fortunately the nurse was able to go out the same day Pamela called. Being new at the hospice, I was able to shadow the nurse during the visit. One immediately saw Randy’s suffering and pain by the tight grimace on his face. Pamela’s face reflected her brother’s stressful expression.
The nurse immediately called the hospice medical director and got orders for higher dosages of medications. Before too long, Randy’s pain subsided. Randy initially gave his pain level a “10”, the highest ranking number. By the time we left the home, Randy’s pain was down to a tolerable “2”. Randy was able to close his eyes and sleep for the first time in several days.
Pamela’s face also reflected relief and calm. Pamela couldn’t thank us enough for being there and giving her and her family the support they needed. As the nurse and I walked out to her car, Randy’s brother called out in thanks again. We encouraged the family to call hospice with any other pain changes or questions. It is a good feeling to give a family exactly what they need. Kudos to the hospice nurse and doctor.
PAIN
He has been in pain for days.
Long waits for the doctors to call.
Tweaking medications with no relief.
They were desperate as to what to do.
One saw his discomfort
by the tight grimace on his face.
Sitting stiffly in his recliner;
clutched fists by his side.
The nurse immediately called the doctor.
She helped to readily adjust the meds.
Quickly upping the dosages.
Hoping to ease his tremendous pain.
She hated to see her brother in pain.
“This has been going on for days.”
Her helplessness; her stress
clearly showing in the tightness of her face.
His pain started to decline.
He felt relief for the first time in days.
His face relaxed as he slowly fell asleep.
His sister’s face now reflecting his own.
They thanked us as we walked to the car.
Knowing his suffering will be no more.
A good night sleep for the first time in days.
Grateful for all that the nurse had done,
“I didn’t know an angel drove a tan SUV”.
Randy’s pain started to increase several days ago. Pamela called his doctor, who changed the medication, to no avail. Randy’s pain continued to where he was not sleeping at night, keeping Pamela up as well. All were so tired and frustrated. Pamela felt so guilty not being able to do anything for her brother. She was frustrated by his doctor as the changes in the medication was not helping. Things were getting worse. Pamela then called hospice for help.
Fortunately the nurse was able to go out the same day Pamela called. Being new at the hospice, I was able to shadow the nurse during the visit. One immediately saw Randy’s suffering and pain by the tight grimace on his face. Pamela’s face reflected her brother’s stressful expression.
The nurse immediately called the hospice medical director and got orders for higher dosages of medications. Before too long, Randy’s pain subsided. Randy initially gave his pain level a “10”, the highest ranking number. By the time we left the home, Randy’s pain was down to a tolerable “2”. Randy was able to close his eyes and sleep for the first time in several days.
Pamela’s face also reflected relief and calm. Pamela couldn’t thank us enough for being there and giving her and her family the support they needed. As the nurse and I walked out to her car, Randy’s brother called out in thanks again. We encouraged the family to call hospice with any other pain changes or questions. It is a good feeling to give a family exactly what they need. Kudos to the hospice nurse and doctor.
PAIN
He has been in pain for days.
Long waits for the doctors to call.
Tweaking medications with no relief.
They were desperate as to what to do.
One saw his discomfort
by the tight grimace on his face.
Sitting stiffly in his recliner;
clutched fists by his side.
The nurse immediately called the doctor.
She helped to readily adjust the meds.
Quickly upping the dosages.
Hoping to ease his tremendous pain.
She hated to see her brother in pain.
“This has been going on for days.”
Her helplessness; her stress
clearly showing in the tightness of her face.
His pain started to decline.
He felt relief for the first time in days.
His face relaxed as he slowly fell asleep.
His sister’s face now reflecting his own.
They thanked us as we walked to the car.
Knowing his suffering will be no more.
A good night sleep for the first time in days.
Grateful for all that the nurse had done,
“I didn’t know an angel drove a tan SUV”.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
"TIL WE MEET AGAIN"
Today was my last day doing hospice visits as tomorrow I will be leaving my job after twenty-four years. I wanted to see three particular patients on this last day. Not because they needed anything from me, but I wanted to let them know how each has touched me with their positive attitudes. Saying goodbye will be the difficult part.
All three count their blessings with a positive spin. That attitude helps everyone around. “Yvonne”, ninety-two, suffers from cardiac disease. She is bedridden and unable to manage any of her needs. Between visits from her large, extended family, she watches her favorite television shows. She does not complain, but will tear up when talking about how blessed she is with such a wonderful family.
“Buddy”, seventy-four, has bile duct cancer. He told me today that he is having more bad days than good. Buddy talked about having no appetite and how much he misses his favorite foods. He will state factually what he has lost, but puts it all “in God’s hands.” His faith is that strong. He, too, has a large, extended, supportive family. He so appreciates any visits by his family, friends or hospice workers. Buddy will light up when someone walks into his home.
“Kevin”, eighty-six, suffers from stomach cancer. He has been in a long, slow decline. He twists everything around and makes jokes about his situation. He doesn’t have fears about dying, although has no belief about afterlife. He is always in a positive mood no matter what.
All three have taught me that attitude is everything. All three have these amazing, supportive families. I told them that their families being around says a lot about their family members, but it also reflects them. I truly believe in Karma. I shared how they each have touched me individually. All three share the same legacy; their unconditional love for mankind.
Next week, I start my new position in another hospice much closer to my home. I know I will continue to be honored doing this work by meeting so many more amazing people who effortlessly share their lives and stories. What a blessing each of them are to all of us.
“TIL WE MEET AGAIN”
I wanted to see each of them,
knowing it was my last time.
I wanted to share how each moved me
in their own and special way.
I spoke about their legacy.
How we will all remember them well.
Their positive spirits; their beautiful souls.
Leaving exceptional footprints as they passed our way.
All three unconditionally count their blessings.
Not in possessions or the jewelry they wear,
but in family; in friends; in relationships.
Teaching all of us what truly matters each day.
It was so hard to say goodbye.
A word sounding much too harsh; too final.
Although both knowing it was coming,
still needing to soften the blow.
People come into our lives for a purpose.
If only for a moment, we can be changed.
I hugged each of them and then walked away;
believing that maybe there will be a time
“Til we meet again.”
All three count their blessings with a positive spin. That attitude helps everyone around. “Yvonne”, ninety-two, suffers from cardiac disease. She is bedridden and unable to manage any of her needs. Between visits from her large, extended family, she watches her favorite television shows. She does not complain, but will tear up when talking about how blessed she is with such a wonderful family.
“Buddy”, seventy-four, has bile duct cancer. He told me today that he is having more bad days than good. Buddy talked about having no appetite and how much he misses his favorite foods. He will state factually what he has lost, but puts it all “in God’s hands.” His faith is that strong. He, too, has a large, extended, supportive family. He so appreciates any visits by his family, friends or hospice workers. Buddy will light up when someone walks into his home.
“Kevin”, eighty-six, suffers from stomach cancer. He has been in a long, slow decline. He twists everything around and makes jokes about his situation. He doesn’t have fears about dying, although has no belief about afterlife. He is always in a positive mood no matter what.
All three have taught me that attitude is everything. All three have these amazing, supportive families. I told them that their families being around says a lot about their family members, but it also reflects them. I truly believe in Karma. I shared how they each have touched me individually. All three share the same legacy; their unconditional love for mankind.
Next week, I start my new position in another hospice much closer to my home. I know I will continue to be honored doing this work by meeting so many more amazing people who effortlessly share their lives and stories. What a blessing each of them are to all of us.
“TIL WE MEET AGAIN”
I wanted to see each of them,
knowing it was my last time.
I wanted to share how each moved me
in their own and special way.
I spoke about their legacy.
How we will all remember them well.
Their positive spirits; their beautiful souls.
Leaving exceptional footprints as they passed our way.
All three unconditionally count their blessings.
Not in possessions or the jewelry they wear,
but in family; in friends; in relationships.
Teaching all of us what truly matters each day.
It was so hard to say goodbye.
A word sounding much too harsh; too final.
Although both knowing it was coming,
still needing to soften the blow.
People come into our lives for a purpose.
If only for a moment, we can be changed.
I hugged each of them and then walked away;
believing that maybe there will be a time
“Til we meet again.”
Saturday, September 6, 2014
HE CRIED
Eighty-six year old “John” has been on hospice for about three months. John suffers from lung cancer, but is still fairly independent. John is divorced and lives alone. His daughter, “Debbie”, lives nearby and is devoted to her dad. Debbie will move in when John’s needs get to where he cannot be alone.
I have visited John about five times. He is an amazing man by his generosity to others. He sees life as a gift and does not complain about his predicament. He has no fears about dying. He says he doesn’t know what death is all about, but it will be what it will be.
John cares so much about others. He volunteers at a local food bank and feels honored to be able to do so. When his niece was sixteen, he had her move in with him as she was having troubles at home. She stayed with him for six years until she finished college. John gives so much to others, saying it makes him feel good to be able to do so.
I wrote a poem about John and his generosity. So often, when a situation or person touches my heart, the words just flow out so easily. I feel that oftentimes I am just the typist. After I wrote John’s poem, I proofread it and started to cry. It reflected John’s life so clearly and I felt I was able to express how beautiful a soul he is.
During my visit with John today, I brought the poem with me and read it to him. He had tears when he came over and gave me this huge hug. He was so moved and couldn’t wait to share it with his daughter. He thanked me and said it is something he will never forget.
About an hour after I left John’s home, he left me a voice message saying he was out on his porch reading the poem. He was crying so hard, he could barely get the words out. I called him back and said that I didn’t mean to make him cry. He said it was a good cry and thanked me again. I also do not have the words to thank him for the gift he gave me today. Thank you doesn’t seem to fully capture the emotions, but that is the only words I know. I only hope, that John, in receiving my gift, knows that he gave me as much as I gave him today.
HE CRIED
I write about my patients;
their families and their lives.
When special moments touch my heart,
the words just naturally flow.
I wrote a poem about him.
I wrote how he touched my soul.
Reading the poem after I was done,
it rang so true; I cried.
I brought the poem to give to him.
I read the words from my heart.
He got up and hugged me so tight,
while gentle tears began to show.
He read the poem after I left.
He called me on the phone.
He couldn’t find the words to thank me,
saying the poem had touched him so.
He thanked me for being a
“big part of a small part of his life.”
He said he will never forget me;
and then
he cried.
I have visited John about five times. He is an amazing man by his generosity to others. He sees life as a gift and does not complain about his predicament. He has no fears about dying. He says he doesn’t know what death is all about, but it will be what it will be.
John cares so much about others. He volunteers at a local food bank and feels honored to be able to do so. When his niece was sixteen, he had her move in with him as she was having troubles at home. She stayed with him for six years until she finished college. John gives so much to others, saying it makes him feel good to be able to do so.
I wrote a poem about John and his generosity. So often, when a situation or person touches my heart, the words just flow out so easily. I feel that oftentimes I am just the typist. After I wrote John’s poem, I proofread it and started to cry. It reflected John’s life so clearly and I felt I was able to express how beautiful a soul he is.
During my visit with John today, I brought the poem with me and read it to him. He had tears when he came over and gave me this huge hug. He was so moved and couldn’t wait to share it with his daughter. He thanked me and said it is something he will never forget.
About an hour after I left John’s home, he left me a voice message saying he was out on his porch reading the poem. He was crying so hard, he could barely get the words out. I called him back and said that I didn’t mean to make him cry. He said it was a good cry and thanked me again. I also do not have the words to thank him for the gift he gave me today. Thank you doesn’t seem to fully capture the emotions, but that is the only words I know. I only hope, that John, in receiving my gift, knows that he gave me as much as I gave him today.
HE CRIED
I write about my patients;
their families and their lives.
When special moments touch my heart,
the words just naturally flow.
I wrote a poem about him.
I wrote how he touched my soul.
Reading the poem after I was done,
it rang so true; I cried.
I brought the poem to give to him.
I read the words from my heart.
He got up and hugged me so tight,
while gentle tears began to show.
He read the poem after I left.
He called me on the phone.
He couldn’t find the words to thank me,
saying the poem had touched him so.
He thanked me for being a
“big part of a small part of his life.”
He said he will never forget me;
and then
he cried.
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