It has been almost two months since I suffered a ruptured appendix. While in the Emergency Room, I realized that the Emergency Room Doctor and the surgeon were working to save my life. I was later told by my surgeon that “You were going down, and we pulled you back up.” Also, my primary physician, whom I saw about ten days after my hospital discharge, shared, “You were as close to death as anyone can go, and you came back.”
My recovery is slow but steady. My endurance is low, but also, I am getting stronger by the week. It is now that I have the energy to really process and think about what happened during those 19 days in the hospital. In the past week, I have been able to participate in family activities that one could call “normal” times. And boy do I appreciate my normal.
This past weekend, we attended a Christmas party at my cousin’s home. It was being with those who love you and whom you love, doing normal activities. I, now, appreciate all the love on a much deeper level. I know how quickly it can all be taken away and how very special it all truly is. My cousin lives about two hours away, which has limited our time being together. We both are determined to meet up much more often.
We were able to stay overnight in a hotel near her home, which I hadn’t been able to do until now. During the drive, I was noticing the scenery and the other drivers, and was taking in how wonderful it all was. I felt blessed to be able to see the deep blue sky, along with the normalcy of the other drivers. It all is so wonderful and so good.
This experience has brought up so many questions for me. Why was I allowed to live, when so many others have not? Why did I have to experience this at all? Is this one of my life’s lessons? I know that I have learned a lot from this experience. I hope to never forget and to be forever thankful. For which I truly am.
THANK YOU
It was a life changing experience,
although I didn’t realize it at the time.
Now weeks later and much stronger,
the reality of it all is sinking in.
The gift of life is powerful.
Thoughts of what might have been.
Thank you God for letting me live.
So much I could have missed.
Knowing each day is a sacred gift,
love feels so much stronger.
Birds soar higher; the sky a deeper blue.
The magnificence of a normal routine.
Thank you God for all your blessings.
You grace me with tremendous love.
Aware of how fragile life really is.
Hoping to never forget.
Help me embrace my blessings.
Let others feel the love.
Never to take things for granted again.
Let me forever know.
Some lessons do come hard,
but thank you for teaching me so.
Appreciating the gift of life and love,
and to never forget
to thank you God,
again and again.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
GRAND REOPENING
Look for the grand reopening of my blog in February, 2014. I thank you all for your patience and support. My blog and I will both be back as good as new. Blessings to all.
THE PATIENT
On October 30, 2013, after several days of stomach pain and weakness, my husband called for an ambulance and I was taken to the Emergency Room where my blood pressure was 80/50. After eleven bags of fluid, my pressure continued to stay low. Due to fluid overload, my lungs started to fill with water and I had trouble breathing.
It was then I had my first thought that I could die if my blood pressure wasn’t corrected. I was so weak, this thought had no emotion. It didn’t seem real. My surgeon said my appendix had ruptured and I was septic with an infection throughout my stomach cavity. He said I would be on life supports in the ICU with a likely hospitalization from two to three weeks.
It was about this time that I felt my body leaving. I saw my spirit floating around me. Suddenly, I was near a stucco fence that I knew was heaven. Again, with no emotion, I said, “It is not my time. I am not ready. I am going back.” I also had a sense that I was thirty years too early. Again this was an unemotional moment. The feeling felt so natural.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU on life supports. Fortunately, I was off the life supports within twenty-four hours. The ICU doctor and my surgeon both assured me that ,”You are now in recovery”. I spent a total of 19 days in the hospital. I had no energy and was so helpless. My intestines were not working and I had a partial bowel obstruction. Because of that, I could not eat or drink anything for two weeks. My nutrition came in the form of IV bags.
What kept me going was the love and support I have in my life. I have always felt blessed by having so many in my life that I care about and so many that care about me. This is what it is all about. In addition, the hospital staff were so caring and loving toward me and my needs.
My recovery is slow as I have limited endurance, but every day I am getting better and doing a little bit more. Another blessing is that I will have no after effects from this experience. My surgeon said I will be as good as new. I look forward to having normal back, but know that my normal now will involve feelings of being blessed by good health and being able to do those “normal” things that we all, at times, take for granted.
This has been a difficult time, yes, but overall, there have been so many amazing, priceless moments. I have learned so much by having this experience. With difficult times, I realize, that if one has a good support system, one will get through. The difficulty will pass, but the support will always remain. As one friend said to me, “This is a tough situation, but you are tougher.”
THE PATIENT
She had never been through anything like this before.
It seemed so sudden and came on strong.
No energy to process what was happening.
She didn’t realize how sick she really was.
Emergency room, surgery, ICU, life supports.
Dependent upon all who came along.
Being so helpless was somehow humbling.
Surprised by all who were there.
She felt her spirit leaving.
She was up near heaven’s wall.
She knew it wasn’t her time today.
“I’m not ready; I’m going back.”
She knows now why nurses are called angels.
Not by seeing any wings or halos,
but the love she felt from their hearts
was confirmation for it all to be so.
A humbling, awe-inspiring experience.
Feeling blessed by all the support.
I know all of this to be true,
as for the first time,
this particular patient
was me.
It was then I had my first thought that I could die if my blood pressure wasn’t corrected. I was so weak, this thought had no emotion. It didn’t seem real. My surgeon said my appendix had ruptured and I was septic with an infection throughout my stomach cavity. He said I would be on life supports in the ICU with a likely hospitalization from two to three weeks.
It was about this time that I felt my body leaving. I saw my spirit floating around me. Suddenly, I was near a stucco fence that I knew was heaven. Again, with no emotion, I said, “It is not my time. I am not ready. I am going back.” I also had a sense that I was thirty years too early. Again this was an unemotional moment. The feeling felt so natural.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU on life supports. Fortunately, I was off the life supports within twenty-four hours. The ICU doctor and my surgeon both assured me that ,”You are now in recovery”. I spent a total of 19 days in the hospital. I had no energy and was so helpless. My intestines were not working and I had a partial bowel obstruction. Because of that, I could not eat or drink anything for two weeks. My nutrition came in the form of IV bags.
What kept me going was the love and support I have in my life. I have always felt blessed by having so many in my life that I care about and so many that care about me. This is what it is all about. In addition, the hospital staff were so caring and loving toward me and my needs.
My recovery is slow as I have limited endurance, but every day I am getting better and doing a little bit more. Another blessing is that I will have no after effects from this experience. My surgeon said I will be as good as new. I look forward to having normal back, but know that my normal now will involve feelings of being blessed by good health and being able to do those “normal” things that we all, at times, take for granted.
This has been a difficult time, yes, but overall, there have been so many amazing, priceless moments. I have learned so much by having this experience. With difficult times, I realize, that if one has a good support system, one will get through. The difficulty will pass, but the support will always remain. As one friend said to me, “This is a tough situation, but you are tougher.”
THE PATIENT
She had never been through anything like this before.
It seemed so sudden and came on strong.
No energy to process what was happening.
She didn’t realize how sick she really was.
Emergency room, surgery, ICU, life supports.
Dependent upon all who came along.
Being so helpless was somehow humbling.
Surprised by all who were there.
She felt her spirit leaving.
She was up near heaven’s wall.
She knew it wasn’t her time today.
“I’m not ready; I’m going back.”
She knows now why nurses are called angels.
Not by seeing any wings or halos,
but the love she felt from their hearts
was confirmation for it all to be so.
A humbling, awe-inspiring experience.
Feeling blessed by all the support.
I know all of this to be true,
as for the first time,
this particular patient
was me.
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