Fifty year old “Mike” suffered from esophageal cancer that had spread to his brain. Mike was single and lived alone. He came onto hospice when it became apparent that he was declining and could no longer be alone. Mike had a large, supportive family who rallied to support him as needed.
Mike’s brother, “Kevin”, moved in to help. Kevin lived two hours north, but took a leave from his job to assist his brother. In addition, Mike’s girlfriend, “Kristy”, was over daily to help out as well. Kristy and Mike dated in high school, but after graduation they both went their separate ways. They met up again eighteen months ago and realized that the spark was still there. They started dating again and within two months, Mike was diagnosed with his cancer.
Mike had a strong belief in Daoism and was a very disciplined man. He had no fears about dying and accepted each day as it came. When he had some difficulty processing thoughts due to the cancer in his brain, he never became frustrated when he couldn’t find a certain word. He had total peace and acceptance. In the two weeks he was on hospice, there was a daily decline. Mike accepted all of this without fear or complaint.
Mike’s strong belief system helped him cope with his dying. He really was one with the moment. His family respected his beliefs and supported his decisions. They knew Mike would live and die his way, which gives them peace. They believed it was the only way he knew how.
BELIEFS
He had a strong belief in Daoism.
He lived what he believed.
“This moment is an illusion.
We are all spiritual beings.”
He learned martial arts.
He learned discipline.
He lived with harmony in his reality.
He believed in the yin and yang.
Cancer didn’t altar his beliefs.
In fact he became more determined.
Determined to die the way he lived;
with discipline, compassion and humility.
He sought out a medical intuitive.
He received comfort from her words.
It was to be his final outing.
Something he already knew.
He came home and told his family,
“I’m done here. I’m ready to move on.”
He stopped eating, he stopped drinking.
In forty-eight hours, he was gone.
His family describes his death as inspirational.
“It was clean from so many different angles.”
They say it gives them total peace
as he died how he lived;
true to his beliefs.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
LAST WORDS
“Bruce”, sixty-seven, was diagnosed with lung cancer three years ago. He had been managing his illness without any limitations, until recently when he started to slowly decline and become weaker. Bruce lived with “Monica”, his wife of fourteen years. Monica was seventeen years younger than Bruce, but the age difference never impacted their relationship.
They were devoted to each other and often talked about being soul mates. This was Bruce’s third marriage and Monica’s first. Monica always said that Bruce was married twice before, but I am his first wife. She was determined in her role to take care of Bruce and their home.
Bruce’s family owned a restaurant, but when he could no longer work due to his illness, he sold the restaurant. His father had died ten years prior and his mother was in her late eighties and living in a facility. No other family member was interested in keeping the restaurant in the family. Bruce had no regrets about selling the business. He looked at life in a very practical manner and had few regrets about any decision he made in his life.
Bruce was very upbeat and loved to talk. He would share amazing stories about his life, the good and the bad. always with a positive spin. He laughed easily and really enjoyed his life. He had no fears about dying and accepted his situation as it was.
One day Bruce was up sitting in his recliner chair in the family room and the next day he was bed bound and actively dying. Within a week he was gone. He stopped talking three days before he died and Monica shares that it gives her peace and comfort knowing his last words to her were the last words she heard every night of their marriage before she fell asleep.
Monica has excellent supports from her family and friends. I know the days ahead will be hard on her, but she is very open with her emotions and feelings and easily accesses her support. I know she will do well.
LAST WORDS
They met later in life.
She knew he was the one.
They were soul mates, lovers.
It was meant to be.
She was from the old school
as felt it was her duty
to take care of him and their home.
She was determined in her role.
Each night when they went to bed,
his last words to her would be,
“I love you. Sweet dreams,”
while she drifted off to sleep.
He never missed a night
to wish her those sweet dreams.
It gave her comfort, it gave her love.
A perfect ending to her day.
They shared his illness together.
She was devoted and by his side;
caring for him, attending to his needs.
Making sure he was always okay.
He slipped away quietly
while she held his hand at the bedside.
It gives her comfort and great peace
as the last words he spoke to her were
“I love you. Sweet dreams.”
They were devoted to each other and often talked about being soul mates. This was Bruce’s third marriage and Monica’s first. Monica always said that Bruce was married twice before, but I am his first wife. She was determined in her role to take care of Bruce and their home.
Bruce’s family owned a restaurant, but when he could no longer work due to his illness, he sold the restaurant. His father had died ten years prior and his mother was in her late eighties and living in a facility. No other family member was interested in keeping the restaurant in the family. Bruce had no regrets about selling the business. He looked at life in a very practical manner and had few regrets about any decision he made in his life.
Bruce was very upbeat and loved to talk. He would share amazing stories about his life, the good and the bad. always with a positive spin. He laughed easily and really enjoyed his life. He had no fears about dying and accepted his situation as it was.
One day Bruce was up sitting in his recliner chair in the family room and the next day he was bed bound and actively dying. Within a week he was gone. He stopped talking three days before he died and Monica shares that it gives her peace and comfort knowing his last words to her were the last words she heard every night of their marriage before she fell asleep.
Monica has excellent supports from her family and friends. I know the days ahead will be hard on her, but she is very open with her emotions and feelings and easily accesses her support. I know she will do well.
LAST WORDS
They met later in life.
She knew he was the one.
They were soul mates, lovers.
It was meant to be.
She was from the old school
as felt it was her duty
to take care of him and their home.
She was determined in her role.
Each night when they went to bed,
his last words to her would be,
“I love you. Sweet dreams,”
while she drifted off to sleep.
He never missed a night
to wish her those sweet dreams.
It gave her comfort, it gave her love.
A perfect ending to her day.
They shared his illness together.
She was devoted and by his side;
caring for him, attending to his needs.
Making sure he was always okay.
He slipped away quietly
while she held his hand at the bedside.
It gives her comfort and great peace
as the last words he spoke to her were
“I love you. Sweet dreams.”
Saturday, February 11, 2012
THREE WEEKS
Fifty-nine year old “Chuck” was diagnosed with colon cancer eight months ago. Chuck was an engineer by trade and had a very precise, exact personality. He was very logical and handled his diagnosis the same way. Patients die the way they live and Chuck was a perfect example of that.
Chuck had many questions for his doctors throughout his disease progression. He wanted precise answers that could not be given. He came onto hospice about two months before he died. Once he was on hospice, he would ask the hospice staff these same questions hoping to get exact answers.
Chuck’s decline was slow, but steady while on hospice. He got to the point where he needed help walking and his appetite was poor. He was losing weight and sleeping more throughout the day. He got it in his head that he had three weeks to live and called his family to inform them of that fact. I happened to be visiting Chuck that Friday and he also shared with me that he had three weeks left to live.
The family, at first, was upset as they thought hospice told him that he had three weeks to live. Chuck then clarified that hospice did not tell him that, but he knew he had just three weeks to live.
Not surprisingly, Chuck died on a Friday exactly three weeks later. I truly believe that many patients have insight to how long they will live. Patients do let go when the time is right for them.
THREE WEEKS
He had always been very precise.
He had patience with fine detail.
He was exact and linear with his thoughts.
It worked well for him this way.
He was an engineer by trade
which fit well with his personality.
His days were filled with charts
full of diagrams and numbers to sort out.
The moment he was diagnosed
he wanted to know the truth.
What was in his future;
how much time did he have?
He was looking for the answers
to a question that wasn’t precise.
He needed to sort things out
the only way he knew how.
He was in a steady, but slow decline.
He knew he didn’t have long,
so he told his family he had three weeks.
It gave him comfort to know.
He was determined in his belief,
even though no one told him an exact day.
But somehow he knew the time to let go
as he died peacefully like he predicted,
with his family at his side,
in exactly three weeks.
Chuck had many questions for his doctors throughout his disease progression. He wanted precise answers that could not be given. He came onto hospice about two months before he died. Once he was on hospice, he would ask the hospice staff these same questions hoping to get exact answers.
Chuck’s decline was slow, but steady while on hospice. He got to the point where he needed help walking and his appetite was poor. He was losing weight and sleeping more throughout the day. He got it in his head that he had three weeks to live and called his family to inform them of that fact. I happened to be visiting Chuck that Friday and he also shared with me that he had three weeks left to live.
The family, at first, was upset as they thought hospice told him that he had three weeks to live. Chuck then clarified that hospice did not tell him that, but he knew he had just three weeks to live.
Not surprisingly, Chuck died on a Friday exactly three weeks later. I truly believe that many patients have insight to how long they will live. Patients do let go when the time is right for them.
THREE WEEKS
He had always been very precise.
He had patience with fine detail.
He was exact and linear with his thoughts.
It worked well for him this way.
He was an engineer by trade
which fit well with his personality.
His days were filled with charts
full of diagrams and numbers to sort out.
The moment he was diagnosed
he wanted to know the truth.
What was in his future;
how much time did he have?
He was looking for the answers
to a question that wasn’t precise.
He needed to sort things out
the only way he knew how.
He was in a steady, but slow decline.
He knew he didn’t have long,
so he told his family he had three weeks.
It gave him comfort to know.
He was determined in his belief,
even though no one told him an exact day.
But somehow he knew the time to let go
as he died peacefully like he predicted,
with his family at his side,
in exactly three weeks.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
LONG DAYS
Fifty-three year old “Brenda” suffered from ovarian cancer. Brenda lived with “Chuck”, her husband of thirty years. They had no children, but had a huge network of supportive friends. Brenda’s only family was her sister, “Betty”, who was two years older. The girl’s parents died when they were teens, which brought them close together.
Betty lived nearby and the moment her sister was diagnosed, she accompanied her to doctor’s appointments and treatments. Brenda had been doing quite well until a few weeks ago when she suddenly declined. She became bed bound and needing help with all of her needs.
Betty started coming in the early mornings and stayed throughout the day and evening to help out. Quite often she stayed overnight as she had the need to be near her sister. One would also find the home filled with many of Brenda’s and Chuck’s friends at all hours of the day helping out as well. Over the course of a two week period, once vital and active, Brenda became dependent with all of her needs. She slept most of the day and it was getting difficult to wake her up. She stopped talking and it appeared she wasn’t aware of her surroundings or what was being said to her.
At that time, the family understood that Brenda was near the end of her life. Brenda died peacefully with her sister and two friends at the bedside. I called Betty to offer condolences and she described the last hours of her sister’s life. Betty easily talks about her feelings and does reach out to her husband and friends for much needed support. I know she will be okay in time as she was totally there for her sister. She says the difficult part is that she is the only remaining member from her immediate family.
LONG DAYS
Her days were long,
but she never complained.
Her sister needed the help.
Sibling love guided her way.
She had to be there.
She couldn’t stay away.
But the days were hard.
The nights even more.
Their parents died
when they were teens.
It made them close.
It’s just been the two of them.
She came every day.
She held her hand.
She whispered softly
telling her it was okay to go.
Now that it is over,
she’s looking back.
“These past two weeks
was one long day”.
Betty lived nearby and the moment her sister was diagnosed, she accompanied her to doctor’s appointments and treatments. Brenda had been doing quite well until a few weeks ago when she suddenly declined. She became bed bound and needing help with all of her needs.
Betty started coming in the early mornings and stayed throughout the day and evening to help out. Quite often she stayed overnight as she had the need to be near her sister. One would also find the home filled with many of Brenda’s and Chuck’s friends at all hours of the day helping out as well. Over the course of a two week period, once vital and active, Brenda became dependent with all of her needs. She slept most of the day and it was getting difficult to wake her up. She stopped talking and it appeared she wasn’t aware of her surroundings or what was being said to her.
At that time, the family understood that Brenda was near the end of her life. Brenda died peacefully with her sister and two friends at the bedside. I called Betty to offer condolences and she described the last hours of her sister’s life. Betty easily talks about her feelings and does reach out to her husband and friends for much needed support. I know she will be okay in time as she was totally there for her sister. She says the difficult part is that she is the only remaining member from her immediate family.
LONG DAYS
Her days were long,
but she never complained.
Her sister needed the help.
Sibling love guided her way.
She had to be there.
She couldn’t stay away.
But the days were hard.
The nights even more.
Their parents died
when they were teens.
It made them close.
It’s just been the two of them.
She came every day.
She held her hand.
She whispered softly
telling her it was okay to go.
Now that it is over,
she’s looking back.
“These past two weeks
was one long day”.
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