Eighty year old "Alice" was on hospice for only two days. Three months prior, a week after her husband of fifty-seven years died, the doctors found a mass on her lung. Her doctor suspected lung cancer, but Alice declined all treatment. Alice's disease took a downward turn quite quickly.
Alice had two daughters, who were devoted to her and each other. Both daughters lived close by. Her one daughter, "Betty" lived just down the block while, "Angie" lived five minutes away.
When I went out to do my initial visit, it was obvious that Alice was close to death. She was unresponsive and in a coma. Her breathing was erratic and labored. I informed Betty and Angie about the end-of-life process and the likelihood that their mother could die any moment. Both daughters understood and were thankful as they didn't want their mother to suffer.
I told Betty and Angie that, quite often, patients will show their loved ones, in a way that they will understand, that they are okay. I then shared several stories of this phenomenon that I had previously heard from other families I had worked with in the past.
Alice died shortly after I left the home. It was when I called Betty to offer my condolences, that she shared the story about the Frito Lays. She said that it gave her and her sister peace knowing that mom is doing okay.
FRITO LAYS
She was dying when I met her.
One knew it wouldn't be long.
Her two daughters were at the bedside
holding her hand; loving her so.
I told them she will always be a mom.
That she'll forever take care of both of you.
She'll stay until she knows you're okay,
then leave at the perfect time for her.
She'll show you that she is doing well
in a way that you will understand.
It might be a dream or a voice in the wind.
She'll know how to tell you
she crossed over fine.
Frito Lays was mom's favorite chip.
There was always a bag in the house.
So they weren't surprised she used the chip
to let them know she was doing fine.
The hospice nurse came out when she died.
She had trouble with the telephone.
She kept dialing the coroner's office
but connecting to Frito Lays.
Her daughters were not surprised at all.
They knew that it was a message from above.
It gave them peace that mom let them know
in the most obvious way;
using her favorite chip;
Frito Lays.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
FULL OF LIFE
Sixty-two year old "Annie" suffered from terminal lung cancer. Sadly, Annie was on hospice for less than a week. When I first went out to meet with Annie, she was sitting up in a chair in the living room. Her sister-in-law had moved in to help with her twenty-four hour care needs. Annie had recently declined to where she could no longer live alone. Her doctor referred her to hospice due to the decline.
When I walked into her living room, she welcomed me by saying, "Hello Baby". I then extended my hand expecting a handshake. Annie opened up her arms and said, "I do hugs." One could not help but notice her big smile. She was so engaging and loved everyone. After meeting her, it wasn't long before I could understand why everyone loved her too.
Annie was from a large, extended family who were all involved in each other's lives in such a positive, loving way. Humor was a big part of Annie and her family's lives. As part of my interview, I asked her if she would like to have a weekly visit with a hospice volunteer. She immediately answered, "Yes!" She then added that her brother told her, "Never turn down anything but your collar."
Annie had no fears about dying, but said she wasn't ready yet. She had a few more things to do financially. She stated that she knew she was in God's hands and is going to Heaven. She was firm about this belief which helped her cope.
When I left her home, I planned on returning the following week with financial paperwork I was helping her with. Four days after meeting her, I heard about her sudden death. I was shocked to hear it, but truly believe she is at peace and happy and still saying, "Hello Baby" and giving her big hugs.
FULL OF LIFE
I do get surprised now and then.
I sure didn't see this coming.
I just left her a few days ago
sitting there talking, so full of life.
She was so engaging.
Greetings were hugs not handshakes.
She called everyone "Baby"
and it was okay.
She was from a large family.
She loved them and they loved her.
Death did not scare her.
She knew she was safe in God's hands.
She was so full of life; of living.
I was surprised to hear of her sudden death.
It was peaceful as she died in her sleep.
For her, a perfect way to go.
I hardly got to know her,
but I'll miss her all the same.
I thought there would be time for one more hug;
another, "Hello Baby."
When I walked into her living room, she welcomed me by saying, "Hello Baby". I then extended my hand expecting a handshake. Annie opened up her arms and said, "I do hugs." One could not help but notice her big smile. She was so engaging and loved everyone. After meeting her, it wasn't long before I could understand why everyone loved her too.
Annie was from a large, extended family who were all involved in each other's lives in such a positive, loving way. Humor was a big part of Annie and her family's lives. As part of my interview, I asked her if she would like to have a weekly visit with a hospice volunteer. She immediately answered, "Yes!" She then added that her brother told her, "Never turn down anything but your collar."
Annie had no fears about dying, but said she wasn't ready yet. She had a few more things to do financially. She stated that she knew she was in God's hands and is going to Heaven. She was firm about this belief which helped her cope.
When I left her home, I planned on returning the following week with financial paperwork I was helping her with. Four days after meeting her, I heard about her sudden death. I was shocked to hear it, but truly believe she is at peace and happy and still saying, "Hello Baby" and giving her big hugs.
FULL OF LIFE
I do get surprised now and then.
I sure didn't see this coming.
I just left her a few days ago
sitting there talking, so full of life.
She was so engaging.
Greetings were hugs not handshakes.
She called everyone "Baby"
and it was okay.
She was from a large family.
She loved them and they loved her.
Death did not scare her.
She knew she was safe in God's hands.
She was so full of life; of living.
I was surprised to hear of her sudden death.
It was peaceful as she died in her sleep.
For her, a perfect way to go.
I hardly got to know her,
but I'll miss her all the same.
I thought there would be time for one more hug;
another, "Hello Baby."
Sunday, February 13, 2011
CHAIN REACTION
"Cole", nineteen, was diagnosed with leukemia eighteen months ago. After ten months in remission, his cancer has suddenly returned. Last week, Cole was admitted into our hospice program. When I went out to meet with the family, Cole was unresponsive and his death was imminent. The family is rallying around, is involved and supportive.
I met with Cole's father, "Ben", who would tear up when he thought about those future moments that are now lost. Ben was looking forward to spending adult time with his son. Those moments had only just begun for him. Ben shared that he felt his life would be tortured because of what he and his son would never have.
I also met with Cole's sixteen year old sister, "Lisa". She told me that her father has always been a "Man of Steel". Lisa said that she feels Superman is crumbling when she sees her father cry. Both Ben and Lisa are wise beyond their years due to tremendous insight. I know they both will be fine as there is an abundance of love in this family as well as their strong Christian faith that sustains them.
Father and daughter are both grieving such a strong personal loss that can only be identified by each of them personally; father to son and daughter to father.
CHAIN REACTION
He's grieving for the years ahead
that suddenly vanished before their time.
Yearning for more of those special moments,
that had only just begun.
He foresees a tortured future
in this life without his son.
The dreams so quickly snatched away,
leaving a hole deep inside his heart.
He has always been her protector.
Her "Man of Steel"; her powerful dad.
Now she sees Superman crumbling.
Family dynamics unexpectedly changed.
A grief driven chain reaction
has interrupted the family's flow.
A momentary stop redefines the course.
In proper time, they'll forge ahead.
A chain reaction of love
is that strong.
I met with Cole's father, "Ben", who would tear up when he thought about those future moments that are now lost. Ben was looking forward to spending adult time with his son. Those moments had only just begun for him. Ben shared that he felt his life would be tortured because of what he and his son would never have.
I also met with Cole's sixteen year old sister, "Lisa". She told me that her father has always been a "Man of Steel". Lisa said that she feels Superman is crumbling when she sees her father cry. Both Ben and Lisa are wise beyond their years due to tremendous insight. I know they both will be fine as there is an abundance of love in this family as well as their strong Christian faith that sustains them.
Father and daughter are both grieving such a strong personal loss that can only be identified by each of them personally; father to son and daughter to father.
CHAIN REACTION
He's grieving for the years ahead
that suddenly vanished before their time.
Yearning for more of those special moments,
that had only just begun.
He foresees a tortured future
in this life without his son.
The dreams so quickly snatched away,
leaving a hole deep inside his heart.
He has always been her protector.
Her "Man of Steel"; her powerful dad.
Now she sees Superman crumbling.
Family dynamics unexpectedly changed.
A grief driven chain reaction
has interrupted the family's flow.
A momentary stop redefines the course.
In proper time, they'll forge ahead.
A chain reaction of love
is that strong.
Monday, February 7, 2011
CLOTHES
I just returned home after spending a week with my good friend, Judy. Ray, Judy's husband, died two months ago after a four month battle with cancer. I wanted to visit after everything had settled down to give her support, love and friendship.
The one thing that we planned on doing during my visit was to empty out Ray's closet and pack up his clothes. Initially, Judy and I planned on accomplishing this task together, but when the time came to do it, I saw the look on her face and offered to handle it alone. Judy said she was so relieved to hear me say that.
I felt honored to complete this task for Judy as I knew how hard it would be for her to do it. After I finished packing up Ray's clothes, the empty closet and drawers were difficult to see as it was a strong reminder of the tremendous loss. Judy and I then quickly packed the thirteen bags of clothes into her car and dropped them off at the thrift store.
The remainder of my visit was spent in just being her friend, which was the easy part. When it was time for me to leave, it was difficult as our time together was very personal and time neither will ever forget. Judy will be okay as she has a tremendous support system from family and friends. I just know that she and I will always be there for each other. Our friendship is that strong.
CLOTHES
I promised him I would take care of her.
I promised from deep in my heart.
So I packed up his clothes for donation
to provide for others who needed them now.
She said she just could not do it.
She was relieved when I offered to help.
I gladly accepted this difficult task
knowing it was something he'd want me to do.
I slowly removed each shirt from its hanger.
I slowly emptied his drawers.
I folded his jeans, his slacks and his sweatshirts
giving respect to the clothes that he wore.
They'll drape them on wooden hangers.
They'll sort them by color, by size.
They know someone will buy them,
to wear and give them new life.
His clothing filled up thirteen bags.
Bags full of memories and dreams.
They're gone, but she'll forever cherish
him and the clothes that he wore.
The one thing that we planned on doing during my visit was to empty out Ray's closet and pack up his clothes. Initially, Judy and I planned on accomplishing this task together, but when the time came to do it, I saw the look on her face and offered to handle it alone. Judy said she was so relieved to hear me say that.
I felt honored to complete this task for Judy as I knew how hard it would be for her to do it. After I finished packing up Ray's clothes, the empty closet and drawers were difficult to see as it was a strong reminder of the tremendous loss. Judy and I then quickly packed the thirteen bags of clothes into her car and dropped them off at the thrift store.
The remainder of my visit was spent in just being her friend, which was the easy part. When it was time for me to leave, it was difficult as our time together was very personal and time neither will ever forget. Judy will be okay as she has a tremendous support system from family and friends. I just know that she and I will always be there for each other. Our friendship is that strong.
CLOTHES
I promised him I would take care of her.
I promised from deep in my heart.
So I packed up his clothes for donation
to provide for others who needed them now.
She said she just could not do it.
She was relieved when I offered to help.
I gladly accepted this difficult task
knowing it was something he'd want me to do.
I slowly removed each shirt from its hanger.
I slowly emptied his drawers.
I folded his jeans, his slacks and his sweatshirts
giving respect to the clothes that he wore.
They'll drape them on wooden hangers.
They'll sort them by color, by size.
They know someone will buy them,
to wear and give them new life.
His clothing filled up thirteen bags.
Bags full of memories and dreams.
They're gone, but she'll forever cherish
him and the clothes that he wore.
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